Hey everyone! This is my first post here, so let me introduce myself a little. I am 33, married for 6 years (together for 16!), and stay at home dad to one 3.5 year old son, who means the world to me. I have known that I was interested in men since I was a teen. I grew up in a very conservative area, there were zero out kids in my school. So I just pushed down my curiosities, met my wife, truly did fall in love, and thought and hoped the thoughts about men were gone. Of course, they came back after awhile. In the last couple years, the thoughts have been so strong, I finally accepted that I am gay and ready to start that chapter in my life. In the last couple weeks, I decided I am totally ready to come out to my wife, I been keeping a journal of the important things I want to say to her, and been preparing for the different reactions she will have. Originally I wanted to wait until after Christmas, dont want to ruin the holiday for anyone, and dont want her to get upset and keep my son from me for the holidays. But now I dont want to wait, everyday I struggle not to just tell her. Another thought I had is telling my aunt now, who is like my mom, she is my best friend. Does anyone have an opinion on what I should do? Thanks in advance!
Hi Gaydad917 Welcome to EC, I know how you feel, Though I am not married I am struggling not to tell people that i am gay. I think your best course of action is going to be wait till after christmas so you dont spoil the holidays. I am waiting till New year to come out so that i can start the new year as the person i want to be. I hope this helps in some way. Good luck Adam
Hey welcome to EC. Choosing the person and time to person to come out to is a really tough decision no matter what your situation and whilst we can advise ultimately it is only something you can decide. I understand your feeling of needing to come out to your wife but I do think maybe the Aunt is a better person for your first. This is for a couple of different reasons. Firstly you are not living with her which means if it didn't go as well as you had hoped (and im not saying it wont) you don't have to live with her every day. Secondly when you do tell your wife it would be nice to have someone else for support, meaning that if you tell your Aunt and she is supportive she can potentially be a listening post when you do tell your wife. I am in no way saying you cant tell your wife first the above comments were just my first impressions. How do you think each of them would react?
Thanks for your thoughts. Your opinion about tell in my aunt was exactly what I was thinking. My aunt will be 100% supportive. My wife could go from one extreme to the other. Haha. She can be very angry and resentful. But she is very caring as well. I don't think anyone will be surprised, especially her.
I think you're a little better off than a lot of people — they're all trying to figure out how to tell their wives, and you're trying to figure out how not to tell her. Waiting till after Christmas is an option, but you may find it impossible to keep quiet that long. I think as we get closer and closer to telling our wives, the pressure builds, and eventually we just blurt it out. I'm not sure that it makes a big difference — what comes of it will happen anyway, despite any elaborate plans we make to soften the blow. I agree with those who advise you to tell your aunt first, so you can gauge her reaction and find out whether you can rely on her for support if you need it. Then, I think I would just go ahead and tell — Christmas is exactly one month away, and the worst of it should be over by then. My 2¢.
I would personally wait until after Christmas because the holidays are enough of a hell, but I think either way telling your aunt first is a good idea.
Thank you all so much for your thoughts! I am so happy I found this site. I already feel a little better knowing there are others in my same position. I have felt alone for so long! I think I am going to tell my aunt next week and go from there.
