And the blows keep on coming. Thanksgiving Disaster.

Oh crap. My first thought was exactly that.
Crap.

You are entirely entitled to be upset. Absolutely entitled.

Crap.

 

No, you're not wrong. Why did he need to tell these people such intimate things? He might need to talk to people but that doesn't mean he should give away your right to control who knows what bout your private life.

D.

 

No, you're not wrong. Why did he need to tell these people such intimate things? He might need to talk to people but that doesn't mean he should give away your right to control who knows what bout your private life.

D.

 

Nope.

You are completely right to be upset. That was your secret. That should have been your decision to come out to the family/friends when you were comfortable.

That was extremely rude of him to share without your permission.

 

Nope! It's completely natural to be upset over the fact that your husband told the vast majority of those who will be attending your Thanksgiving get together. The fear of imminent judgement. However, it's nothing to be ashamed of. You discovered/finally stopped lying to yourself about being lesbian, and as a consequence you and your husband are separating. That doesn't speak to what you had when you were married; frankly I don't subscribe to the whole "for life" marriage concept. People fall in and out of love, and we should just be grateful for the meaningful connections we've had with people over the years. If any one of your guests decides to pass judgement on you for finally accepting who you are, then they can leave.

 

I don't want to be the bad guy here, but I think what he did was ok? I think that the spouse is kind of allowed to tell people if they need support, as long as they are doing it in a respectful way, which it sounds like he did.

That doesn't mean this won't be hard! Super awkward AT BEST, agreed.

One thing to remember is that nothing you are doing right now is something to be ashamed of. And it doesn't seem like they took it that way, either.

 

Since it's out there you won't have to hide it. There's nothing wrong with being a lesbian. If you're lucky you might meet somebody nice.

 

Hi Millie, I'm so sorry that you are in this situation.

If I were you, I would let your husband go by himself.

Just tell him to tell his co-workers one or both of the kids got sick and you have to stay home with them.

Problem solved.

I wish the best. (*hug*)

 

Wowzers

I think he's been a bit overboard in telling THAT many people! I think you need to check with him whether he was genuinely taking support or whether he has in reality spoken out in anger against you. It may be true he might have been feeling distressed and alone and spoke to a few people.

Does he not agree that it's going to be extremely awkward and uncomfortable for you? Is he proposing to be supportive to you?

I'm thinking the conversation will be a bit stilted to say the least as it would be if everyone knew you were getting divorced / splitting up. But now they have this added bit of information about your sexuality which if they're not really lovely people and totally cool and understanding is nothing but fodder for gossip and raised eyebrows.

Anyway, just be yourself and wear whatever you feel like. You never know, it could all go accidentally OK and maybe even enjoyable? I think you should have a back up excuse instead everything doesn't go OK such as that you're feeling a little unwell or somesuch - any excuse that means you could politely need to go and lie down or be on your own.

GOOD LUCK!

 

Yeah, there's nothing wrong with who you are, AND being there knowing that everybody knows will be super awkward. What makes it even more weird is that you don't know these people, but they know very intimate things about you.

So no, I don't think you overreacted at all. I think your husband probably just didn't think before he spoke. And it might be fine...if the people are as cool as he says they are, it might be a case of no harm/no foul. Just take it in stride, walk in there, and OWN the place!

 

I think there's wisdom in this. You don't have to go. He elected to tell people about your intimate stuff without your permission.

In similar style, let him explain to those same people why you're not willing to attend.

 

I was in a somewhat similar situation not too long ago; I went to a dinner party at a friend's house with several other people who I had never met. Turns out, he did tell his wife that I'm gay, and she was really good friends with the other people there, so I think they knew, too. But really, for me at least, it was a relief; I didn't have to lie to anyone about who I am. And everyone was okay with it; it was never brought up, and I think we all had a great time. Granted, I had my own faux pas, of course, but that was because I always do...

Maybe I'm not the best source, but I personally don't know what a lesbian/bisexual woman "looks" like. The first lesbian I ever met was a total blonde bombshell who would not have looked out of place in a 1940s pinup. Guys drooled after her. But yes, she was 100% interested in other women.

 

It's a shock alright. And we'd all prefer to be in control of our information even though we know we can't. I think it's worse because things are snowballing for you at the moment. But I think if you go to this dinner, you are winning.

You know who you are. You're not ashamed. You're the same mellie with the spiced carrots. And anyone with a problem with that can keep it to themselves. (And I'm pretty sure they will.)

I also worry about telling people and the first thing they think about is me having sex but I don't think they will. Years ago I had a coworker come out to me and that never even entered my mind.

Hold your head up, put on your ugly xmas sweater and go enjoy yourself.

 

Of course, my darling. This is a tough situation, and you are going to have to hold your head up high through what might be a super awkward situation!

Think Nefertiti head. Turn your head into a Nefertiti head for the night.

But, I have to say, straight people (at least women, I guess I can't speak for men) simply do not let themselves think too much about who you want to have sex with. Don't take on the burden of thinking people care more than they do. (*hug*)

 

I am assuming this was a military gathering, am I wrong?

At any rate, I would be totally steamed. I feel like it is okay for a husband going through this to confide in a one or two close friends, but I wouldn't expect a entire Thanksgiving party to be in tune to it. So I get it. I would feel awkward in a situation like that. And, if you are speaking of a military Thanksgiving gathering (which I have been part of many times) I would say that the hardest part is judgement from those soldiers spouses. In any case, it would be stressful and I am sure if your husband had really put himself in your shoes he wouldn't have done it. I say to go. let your kids have fun and you STAND UP for who you are. I doubt anyone would dare to say anything, but if they did.....you KNOW who you are and can totally deal with it. HUGS

 

Yes and no.

I understand that your are angry and frustrated and feel violated (and rightly so), but you can´t expect your husband to never tell anyone. It´s about his life, too. Everything has turned upside down for him as much as it did for you. And there are no support groups for straight men that get dumped by their lesbian wives. (Neither online forums where he can laugh and even jokingly flirt with other dumped husbands!! :lol: -ok, now that would be weird..)

That said, he didn´t need to announce it to everyone he knows, so you are right to be mad at this point.

On the other hand, why do you even care? You are out, either way!
Yeah, yeah, i know... ironic of me to say so, since I am totally closeted, but in my defence, I am awkward, weird, super shy, unsure of myself, scared as hell and even ashamed. What´s your excuse?

People like to gossip, I get it, but I doubt they will be SO obsessed with your sexuality to constantly think about it. And even if they are, they won´t tell you anything. Noone is going to make you uncomfortable (at least not purposefully, in which case I trust your wisecracks to put them in their place)

Relax, put on your best smile, your most positive attitude and whatever else the hell you want (don´t show up in your lesbian underware) and go have fun. If real life Mellie is half as fun and awesome as her online version, you will most likely amaze them. And who knows, you might even seduce a straight, married woman or two..

PS. What is it with lesbians and flannel, anyway?!

 

You're entitled to be upset, of course. But I tend to agree with the Cap'n here.

It would certainly have been nice if he'd told you he was going to do it before telling others...but he was under no obligation there either. Perhaps a preference you might voice for the future.

But I think you want to [try to] see the up-side here. Part of where you're headed is (at least hopefully) toward a more full expression of who you are, and that involves a greater level of honesty toward *everyone*, including these people. You don't have to hide around them...you are trading in one form of awkwardness for another...a more honest and open awkwardness. Make an effort to *enjoy* that aspect of it.