Hey there EC folks, I'm getting dressed for a Thanksgiving gathering (US holiday that usually involves lots of food and families gathering). I put on all black clothes (extremely common for me) and rainbow socks (not at all common for me--they are usually black too). And I'm surprised by how emotional I am about it. In some ways it feels really good to have the socks on (I've been wearing them on the weekend fairly often) and also I have a giant lump in my throat and kind of feel like crying. I think I'll leave them on, but I'm taking black socks with me in the car in case I chicken out. It feels so silly to me to be this emotional about socks, but it turns out I am indeed emotional about socks. Sigh. The t-day gathering will be more than half folks who are not straight--probably more than 2/3 not straight. Most of them know I'm gay and most of them have known me for a lot of years--some way more than a decade. Many of these people love me. Probably everyone will be cool regardless of my socks but I'm feeling really insecure about it anyway. Sigh. Thanks for listening!
In the process of loading kids and food into the car I forgot the spare back ones. So rainbow it is. ---------- Post added 26th Nov 2015 at 01:20 PM ---------- Thanks for the encouragement cap'n and irish!
Rainbow socks FTW! I was a wuss and took my rainbow bracelet off for the festivities. I admire you! Virtual high five!
This made me smile. ---------- Post added 27th Nov 2015 at 08:02 AM ---------- Thanks everyone. I wore the socks and actually felt really really self conscious about it. :/ And had some fun anyway.
HiZen, Oh it was fine, though not exactly comfortable. I felt really self-conscious about it. I would find myself trying to sit in ways that hid my feet (didn't have my shoes on--no one did), and then I'd realize I was doing that and would sit in ways that were physically comfortable for me (though I found this to be emotionally uncomfortable). I frequently found myself needing to very intentionally redirect my thoughts and attention to connecting with people rather than obsessing over what people thought of me wearing rainbow socks. The people I was with are all really kind, loving people and most of them know that I fairly recently figured out I'm gay. It was a lesbian couple hosting the gathering, and lots of people there were not straight. And my experience so far has been that not-straight people very often have deep wells of understanding and patience for the awkwardness of figuring out sexual orientation late in life. And alongside all of my emotional discomfort I chatted with people, played with my kids, played with other people's kids and felt loved. So that was all good. Maybe I wasn't quite ready for the socks? Or maybe I needed to wriggle outside of my comfort zone just a little bit to feel what it's like to own being gay just a teensy bit more? Probably more the last one.