I am really not looking for a relationship right now. The thought of a relationship stresses me out. I have too much baggage and I promised myself that I would find my autonomy before jumping into a relationship. I have a good support system, but my friends are all married, and straight, and seemingly happy in their lives. Which is amazing and awesome and I am so happy for them. But I really don't like to talk about my stuff with them, because it's all so dramatic and sometimes depressing and I don't want to be THAT friend who just talks about emotional crap all the time that they don't even understand. As far as support groups, I've found ONE, and they only meet once a month. And it's all couples. I've asked if there are any others nearby, and the answer was no, most of the gay people around here are coupled and keep to themselves. I browsed a few dating websites out of curiosity and there are actually quite a few single lesbians in the area. So I am very tempted to make a profile. BUT. I am torn. I told my husband I wasn't interested in dating right now (the truth, see above). I think if he found out I was on dating websites, he would get very upset (should I care? I don't know. It's complicated living with someone you are divorcing. Should I be upfront about it? Probably). My dilemma is this: Do people use dating sites to find friends? I mean, is it completely unrealistic to think I could make friends this way? Is it silly? Am I going to complicate things in my life? Anyone experienced in dating apps?
Sometimes I feel like a groupie answering so many of your posts. Maybe I am! Either way, I don't think you need to tell your soon to be ex - especially if you're just looking for some friend action (but I don't think you'd need to tell him anything anyway). I'm not even sure I'm the best to answer this, as I haven't been on dating sites for very long, but they all have fallen rather flat for me, especially in a friend respect. Like you, I really didn't want to date until I had my stuff figured out. I didn't think it would be fair to bring my questioning into any possible relationship, so I checked those "looking for friends" boxes. I messaged people sometimes and had some unfulfilling interactions. I don't know how it works, I've never really spoken or been pursued by people I was interested in, but maybe it's about being patient? I'm fortunate in the sense that I live super close to nyc and am in an area where it wouldn't be hard to find a ton of LGBTQ meet ups, but I'm such a wuss. Therefore, I sit and hope that I run into a Hannah Hart while rummaging through Barnes and Noble. Sounds realistic, right? just hang in there!! Also, you might want to think about starting your own meet up group. There are bound to be a lot more LGBTQs in and around your area than is visible. It could be fun and empowering! You could make a group on FB. Post it on a dating site if there's a way to post meet ups. Just a thought.
Ah, my reservation about creating a group is that I'm then expected to be some LGBT Guru. Knower of all things LGBT. LGBT Buddha Yoda Extraordinaire. You get the point. Really I'm just some lesbian dorkface who has to go on dating apps for friends and uses Star Wars emoticons :starwars: BAM! No but really, I think I'm going to do it. You all have motivated me. I'll let you know how loud those crickets are after I post my profile and stare at it all night.
Good luck with your new friends. FYI. If you want things to go further, evidently these questions have the strongest predictive power to indicate if you're compatible. Don't ask me how they know. “Do you like scary movies?” “Have you ever travelled alone to another country? "How does he or she feel about kids? Gay marriage?" "Which way should the toilet paper roll?"
Yeah, I see what you mean. Well I'm glad you're going to try the dating app stuff - definitely get back to us with how it goes! Btw, that Star Wars emoji...
Yes people absolutely do use dating sites just to make friends. I have even done it myself! And I'm a total hermit so if I can manage it anyone can. In fact people are really much more open to meeting for a coffee and chat than if you're looking for love. Also in my (limited) experience it's really unlikely you're going to meet a person you feel deeply attracted to without going on a LOT of dates. Therefore, life would be far more fulfilling if you could just say to women in your area 'looking to make a new network of friends after the ending of my long term relationship'. So many people are feeling lonely and isolated nowadays and it would be great to have a gay female friend or two to go see movies with or attend the occasional LGBT event with where you increase your prospects of meeting someone special. I know what you feel about the whole lesbian guru thing. It's like you realise your identity and then suddenly feel there's some kind of obligation to magically know the entire history of queer politics, have a degree in gender studies and absorb feminism all in one go. That's what I felt like anyway. But it's not true, it's only an anxiety. I know lesbian women who know zero about issues and politics, are disinterested in even community events, are not 'up' on news and current affairs. They like women and not men is the sum total of how much they've thought about anything. Exactly the same as some straight women.
Hi Mellie, I read up on your thread /post history and I know that A LOT is going on in your life right now. I also saw that you have been "out" as a lesbian for THREE MONTHS , maybe. My only advice to you is to calm down. Take each day one day at a time. Deal with all pressing drama issues as they come up. In time , everything about your new lesbian life will come together. 1) Friends 2) Dating 3) New thoughts and new way of thinking ......everything will come together , it just takes time. Also, your existing friends are still probably in shock that you just came out as lesbian. Give your existing friends around six months or more to become more used to the idea that you are now a lesbian. When they are no longer in shock , they will be better listeners and more understanding. I hope that helped. (*hug*)
I just put myself on a dating app, AGAIN... because of this thread. It's so intimidating! Except I just saw a profile of this one girl who is GORGEOUS, so that was fun. Anyways, just wanted to let you know that I'm doing it with ya and it's freaky!! Let's hold hands. :wow:
Aww schucks....... I was afraid that you may end up taking it the wrong way.:icon_redf So glad you didn't (*hug*)
