Missing my kids...

Sweetie I don't really know what to tell you because I'm still a step back and still together with the husband.... But stay strong for him and especially for you, and remember that even if you're not there all the time you are still the best father in the world wherever you are! That's actually the main reason I'm still stuck where I'm at right now, because of my daughter, but I find it encouraging seeing people like you who are actually moving on!

Lots of hugs and courage and you'll see it will be fine and you'll be with them again very soon (*hug*)

 

hugs to you. being away from your kids sucks.

 

There are no easy answers for missing your kids. I feel stuck at the moment for that reason. However, it is inevitable that I take the next step at some point. I am gay, my wife is straight. Both of us deserve to be happy and fulfilled.

You are so brave and strong for moving forward, being true to who you are. Your kids will benefit from this and you showing them how to own who you are and live the life you were intended to live.

Do something nice for yourself - get moving - go for a walk, get a massage, sometimes I just drive down to the beach and walk along the beach for a bit (if you are close to the ocean.) That always clears my head and brings me a sense of calm.

 

Sorry that you are going through such a tough time. I haven't told my wife anything and a big part of that is my relationship with my kids means everything to me. I rationalize being in the closet but telling myself being with my kids in the closet is better than being out without them. I know it isn't an either or but it feels that way.

I do think you are moving through and towards another, better place. Best of luck to you.

 

I'm sorry to hear that you are missing your kids. You are not a terrible father. In fact, you are an amazing gay dad

Since you cannot focus on being a dad tonight, do you have any opportunities to be gay? It may be just the thing ...

(&&&)

 

Well, at least the bright side is the cat is out of the bag now. I think it's one of those things that when you look back, no matter what crap you had to deal with, it's worth it to finally have the freedom to be yourself.

 

Right there with you. I have been at odds with an emotional monster as of late that constantly reminds me of how much I took for granted the time I spent with my children. The feelings can be overwhelming in the moment, but they do pass.

 

I am horrified that this will be my situation soon. I am a stay at home dad, and thats why I havent came out sooner. I hope that things get better soon!

 

Hang in there babe. I am in the first stages of the exact same scenario. Have no idea how this will work out. Feeling for you hun.

Love Love all over you.

 

I feel your pain bro. My marriage future is highly uncertain and the thought of seeing my kids less than I already do rips me up terribly. Wanting more time with your kids isn't selfish just try to be reasonable and keep things as normal as possible.

 

It is NOT selfish to want to be a present parent. Kids need their dad. Being gay doesn't make you a bad person or a less deserving dad.

Society's unthinking insistence on moms taking more custody of children after divorce hurts women, men, and children in my opinion.

 

I haven't gone through all the comments. But I will say I feel for you. My heart aches for you. I know that sometimes the dads get the short end of the stick, regardless of the situation. This is why I am taking care to ensure that my relationship with my husband remains strong, and I hope your wife can eventually see that a father's role in a child's life is just as important as a mother's (provided the father and mother are both of sound mind). My thoughts are with you, and I'm giving you a million hugs. (*hug*)

 

middleGay, your struggle really hits home for me. I'm so sorry. This is the most pain you have probably ever felt in your life. My heart bleeds for you.

As I have already noticed here on this forum, it has really helped me to hear that so many others have and are going through the exact same thing as I am. Let me share my story, especially as it relates to seeing my kids, and then how I cope:

My wife is a very dominating, powerful figure. To my poor little children, they don't stand a chance against her. Her yelling and chaos have created so much stress and unrest in their lives, to say the least. They have tried their whole lives to please her so that she would not yell at them or make a scene. Now that I left her and am seeking divorce, the kids are absolutely devastated. They love me so much. I was the source of peace in their lives. I was an anchor that their mother could never be. But in order to please their mother, their best chance for keeping the peace was to side with her. They listen to and believe just about everything that she says to them about me.

I haven't had a visitation with my oldest daughter (10) in at least 3 months. She says that she is uncomfortable around me now. I have seen my two youngest children (9 and 6) every week, until two weeks ago. My wife took them away during the week of Thanksgiving, which was supposed to be my week. I went over, called, and texted many times. She never responded. I was supposed to see them last night. Nobody was home. I've never been able to see the girls on a Friday night on time, because she takes them out and arrives late. She is being so cruel. It hurts so badly. Yesterday we were supposed to decorate the Christmas tree. I hope we can this weekend. But, my wife put a letter on my door earlier this week that was from my 9 year-old daughter, which stated that she didn't want me to come to her Christmas program and probably wouldn't see me this weekend.

To cope, like has been mentioned, I do things that bring me a little comfort. I allow myself to find joy in things that I might not have ordinarily done before. I have a hobby (playing the piano), and this fulfills me a great deal. I go to a movie about once a month or so. Since September I have watched the entire series of "The Office" on Netflix. Oh, what a source of humor that has been for me. I also find that I love watching and listening to stand up comedy. Bringing humor into my life really has helped alleviate a lot of the pain. That is probably the greatest relief I have experienced so far. Jim Gaffigan is probably my favorite, but I have some very close seconds. I have a station on Pandora that is just stand-up comedy.

I also have a small circle of support with my family. I communicate my periodic thoughts with them and they help sometimes as well.

Keep reaching out for help, man. It is good to do, and healthy.