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Hard time meeting friends

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by anniesims, Nov 29, 2015.

  1. anniesims

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    I just started dating women over the last couple of years. I've met a couple on online dating sites. None of those have worked or which I am fine with. What I really want is to meet other women who are gay who I can just go hang out with. I've tried meetup sites which have been awkward at times or they have all been a part of the group for a while and I don't feel as at ease. I'm always a little quiet at first around people.

    Last night I stopped by a gay bar which is usually mostly women. I was hoping there would be someone I knew even a little bit so at least I could try to socialize. There was nobody I knew but there were tons of women there with their friends. I really wish I had that. I have friend from work but they are either a lot younger or married and they don't go out much.

    Any ideas?
     
  2. Weston

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    I think it's very difficult to meet new people at gay bars (unless you're a hot young thing) because most of the people there are either a couple or in groups. Outsiders mostly get ignored. My suggestion (I'm sure it's not the first time you've heard it) is to join an interest group focused around something you're already doing or would like to get involved in. I would think Boston has lots of LGBT groups: sports, music, arts, book clubs, etc. Find one and join. You might also think about volunteering for an LGBT service organization. Good luck!
     
  3. setnyx

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    i agree with this. i would do this myself but with no transportation it's hard. if you can get out there go for it. good luck
     
  4. anniesims

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    Thanks, I did find an over 40s group too which might help me fit in. I'm going to try to go to a smaller meet up first and maybe that will help.
     
  5. biblondegirl

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    This is something I struggle with, too. I have a best friend but she lives many hours away in another state. I live in a very small, rural town (under 5,000 people). Most people my age are married with kids, and we don't seem to share many interests. I've always had trouble making friends; people are nice to me on an 'acquaintance' level, but never seem to want to get to know me. I think I do everything right in that I often will take the lead and ask someone to go for coffee; once there, I'll ask them questions about themselves, but it never leads to a follow-up meeting.

    It probably doesn't help that I'm basically a loner anyway and don't like to go out much. I think it would be great to have at least one female friend here, and another bi (or lesbian) friend would be wonderful, because they would 'get' me in a way a straight friend would not. But then, I'm also paranoid and worried that this somehow might 'out' me to my community, even if unintentionally.
     
    #5 biblondegirl, Nov 29, 2015
    Last edited: Nov 29, 2015
  6. crazydog15

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    I think this concern is what causes me the most grief in my own life. I would really like to make friends, but until I'm completely out, I will always have a wall up between me and other people. I hate to say it, but I might be my own worst enemy when it comes to making friends. :confused:
     
  7. angeluscrzy

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    I need to expand my social circle as well. I'd be doing great if it weren't for the whole "having to talk to people" thing. Social Anxiety is a bitch.
     
  8. MelShill

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    I have been in the same boat. All of my friends still live with their parents, while I have a house, and kid, and a marriage that's ending. I hate saying it, but I kinda outgrew my friends. I have no idea how to make friends. A few things I have been trying to do, I joined meetup.com. That's a great site that connects people locally with common interests. I've done a movie one where people get together and see old movies playing around town. That was really cool. They have all kinds of groups, board game night, knitting clubs, book clubs, single mixers. You can even start your own. I've also considered bowling, like joining a league.