I look at my kids and feel sick to my stomach. How could i ever disrupt these wonderful kids lives so that I can live life as a lesbian? I can't support them. Even with my teaching certificate (just got it last week! yay!), I would not make enough if i get a full time teaching job for the next school year, even with child support (it won't be much because my husband pays a LOT of support to another woman for a child he had 13 years ago, and the way I understand it, the courts base any child support I would receive on how much he brings home AFTER he pays his other child support). We also bought this house only 6 months ago so selling it is not really financially possible. I wouldn't want to move my kids AGAIN anyway. My 8 year old has lived in 6 homes in 8 years because of my husbands military career. I am feeling lost. Is it smarter to keep my damn mouth shut and pretend i am not a big ol' lesbian? Probably. UGH. I need to tell my husband because he deserves to know. I have been reading about mixed orientation marriages. I do LOVE my husband. But that doesn't change the fact that i am gay or that i am unhappy. Thanks for letting me whine and complain.
This site is made for discussing these issues! You are not whining - these are incredibly difficult decisions. I wish I could offer advice but at least know your posts and ensuing discussions are immensly helpful to many of us. So thank you for posting and I hope you feeling better soon. (*hug*)
Absolutely, whine away, I've done plenty of it over the last few years. Perhaps you should set yourself a long term goal... how can you create a situation where you can afford to live authentically? Check on real estate values in your area, are they appreciating? Perhaps you could sell the house without losing money? Maybe that's another 6 months away? Perhaps your husband would be open to you opening your marriage or even pursuing a relationship with a woman while you are still in the same home? On the topic of your kids, try to keep in mind that mom needs to be happy in order to be the best mom she can be. I believe you can take steps to feel like you are empowered to make the changes in your life to find the authenticity and happiness you seek. They may be small steps, but they can help you feel like you can achieve your goals even if it's going to take a while. Something my therapist always points out to me is we ALWAYS have choices. You don't have to feel trapped! Hang in there!
Hi I echo what these guys have said. I feel for you and everyone stuck in MOM who doesn't want to be there. I would work out a long term plan before moving forward with telling my husband, because to be frank he may leave you immediately once you tell him.
Congrats on getting your teaching license. I'm a (non working) teacher too! Don't worry about whining here; that's what we are here for! Most of us have had to evaluate major life decisions, from marriages/kids, to long term relationships, to how to come out to parents who have no idea. Do you have a therapist? S/he might be able to help you formulate a plan and evaluate your options too. (*hug*)
