What are the struggles that you faced or are facing ? Since my teens I knew I was Gay but I denied for years and now that I started to make some moves with other guys I have some "struggles" such as: - Regret that I fool myself for years and years ( I am 32 years old). - I feel like I am a looser, because the lack of confidence. - I feel like "shit" because I am in the closet. - Feeling I am doing something wrong, when I am with other guy. - Affraid of Sex, I don't know why but I have this feeling and I think is relate with the feeling of doing something wrong - I want to scream to everyone that I am GAY. - Anxiety and suicidal thoughts Did you guys had some of those feeling? Would I get over it somenday ? What about you guys, did you have or had any "struggles"?
I have damn near each fear and worry you mentioned. I have zero friends, and feel like as much as I would like to have friends, I don't know how to go about it. People make me very nervous and I have low self confidence as well. Plus as a father of 3, single now for almost 6 months, I work all the time and have no time for a social life even if I thought I could manage it. Pretty much every step along the way is freaking me out because everything branches off into its own set of worries and problems. I'm just going day to day figuring somewhere along the line things have to get better and easier.
First of all, it's not too late. I am 38 and although at first I thought I was too old and I had missed all the best years, I have since figured out that it's just not true at all. I also think of others who come out at 50, 60, 70 and so on, I've read stories of people of all ages! You will get over these feelings someday. I have found therapy is incredibly helpful. Maybe look for a gay friendly therapist (most of them), they can be found on the psychology today website if you are in the USA. Or support groups are another one. You can talk about your sexuality in safe environment and feel more comfortable with it.
1. Did you really fool yourself or were you protecting yourself against so much outward homophobia that exists? You should give yourself some slack for responding to negative social norms the way you did, and consider finding self forgiveness. 2. While your not a looser for having low self esteem or confidence, consider other areas in your life where you can work on building self steem - at work, with family, friends. Also, I found that after I came out, where I was fortunate to get a lot of support, my personal self esteem and confidence began to build. Now, I actually do see a handsome guy on the other side of the mirror in the mornings. 3. If you feel bad for being in the closet, then maybe it's time to come out of the closet? It was the best decision I ever made. 4. The feeling of guilt and shame when being physical with another guy while in the closet is very common. I had similar feelings as a teenager when I was with guys, which was one of the reasons I actually stopped being with them. Having since come out, built self esteem and confidence and live my live as the person I am, those feelings have all subsided. 5. Per item 4, Now, being with another guy physically, feels as natural as I have ever felt. No fears whatsoever. 6. I told EVERYONE I knew I was gay after I came out! It was such a liberating experience!! 7. You have repressed your real feelings for years, anxiety and depression are natural side effects. Liberating yourself can go along way to help diminish those feelings. Working with a therapist can also help. I hope this helps!
Hi face up Sounds like you are having a difficult time ... Anxiety and suicidal thoughts are hard to deal with ... Did u struggle before 'waking up'... Suggestion : get some outside support - a lgbt counsellor / service -- someone who can support you and look at the issues with you I know for me in the past anxiety and poor mental health has been about suffering depression ( not saying u are necessarily ) but for me it was and low self esteem a part of that -- I woke up at age 42 ( just recently ) I don't beat myself up and am glad for the life and experiences I've had before -- I do think wow how did I deny for so long ( or was it denial ? As a part of me did know ... It feels good to be out to myself ( this seems to me the most important part - that I accept myself as I am ) Re others - I am telling people when it comes up and the words come out of my mouth -- at the end of the day I can't live my life 'people pleasing ' it's my life and besides I am not in shame about it - I am proud ✨ worrying about people's attitudes is not my business and fear of rejection -- well if that happens I shall face it when / if it comes Sounds like u are bursting and things are holding you back ... Quote ' I want to scream to everyone that i am GAY ' For me it was addictions that held me back now I am in recovery and dealing with all of my internal world and who I am I seem to be holding back less and that includes feeling good about myself and supporting myself better If we are not kind to ourselves then things are a struggle - Self worth a big one .... Re sex I'm not ready for women relationship ( never had one before ) and yes I have fear around it too - I've had previous experiences but all drunk ( except first one as a younger person ) So for me it has to feel with right person - I am putting my fears on back burner - I'm not there yet Best wishes to you -- Change is very possible - it's just we can't do it alone and its knowing how
I think it's dangerous to engage in sexual activity with other men if you aren't comfortable with your sexuality yet. The confusion and uncertainty can cause such negative emotions. It's never fun to be at war with yourself. I know how you're feeling. It wasn't until I came out to someone and fully accepted my sexuality was I able to engage in sex and be perfectly fine with it. So take some time for yourself to meditate and really think about what you want for a relationship.
I have felt all of those, and still working on some of them. Like you, I woke up at 33, and it was a very difficult transition. I always knew I like other females, but growing up in a homophobic environment, it took an addiction to bring it out. That in itself is a difficult issue I am working on as mental and emotional abuse plays a huge role in me coming to terms with my sexuality; spouse has since made a turn around and now treats me so much better but we still have our moments. But yeah, so many internal emotions can get a little hay wired when finding yourself. There is no set timeline as to when you are content with your sexuality, and there is nothing wrong with loving a female or a male. Therapy with a lgbt friendly environment does help. Good luck, and know you are not alone
Hello guys, thx so much for all the replies this is a such great HELP. I can honestly say that I did not wake up now, since my teens I knew I am into guys, like most of people are tried to hook up with girls, but at the end of the day what I really want is to be with a guy. I just did my first move this years because I got a huge crush in another guy, we just kissed but and was awesome !! I will try to work on another areas so I can build my self esteem and I make a commitment to come out next year at least to my best friend. As I said many times I wish knew EC years ago this is a really a community. I have some good day some bad days, but the best thing is that I Accept my self and I am happy !
Hello guys, thx so much for all the replies this is a such great HELP. I can honestly say that I did not wake up now, since my teens I knew I am into guys, like most of people are tried to hook up with girls, but at the end of the day what I really want is to be with a guy. I just did my first move this years because I got a huge crush in another guy, we just kissed but and was awesome !! I will try to work on another areas so I can build my self esteem and I make a commitment to come out next year at least to my best friend. As I said many times I wish knew EC years ago this is a really a community. I have some good day some bad days, but the best thing is that I Accept my self and I am happy !
I highly recommend the book, "The Velvet Rage". It was recently recommended to me. I just started reading it and it is a HUGE eye-opener. It gets to the real heart of our issues and has helped me understand so much so far. You can get it on Amazon. By the way, I have felt every single one of your feelings, to one extent or another. I am 39 and am in the process of coming out in the most difficult way imaginable (probably). But it is worth it. Before, I felt like I have completely wasted my whole life because I never was willing to not only come out, but also to let go of the shame and self-hate that I didn't even know I was carrying around with me everywhere. I feel, though, that during this process I am blossoming and becoming happier. Truly happy. Considering that some people never go through life feeling that way, I feel that I am on the right track, regardless how late I got on it.
