Last night, I almost told my husband. I have told him that I don't have any desire for him, (in nicer words) but not that the reason why is because I am a lesbian. He keeps asking if this is going to change, and I know I'm being terribly unfair to him. He deserves someone who can love him the way I can't. My question is, for those of you who have been through it, do you think therapy will make it easier on him when I do tell him? As much as I love feeling authentic for the first time, I am unable to enjoy it or move forward because my heart is breaking. I have had enough conversations with him in the past to know that he will not believe I was born this way, and that I am just now coming to the realization. It seems like such an unwinable situation. I want us both to be happy, and I know that we will not be able to stay married. I can't even begin to think about the kids. Thanks for listening to me ramble......
Hey Bec, Therapy *can* be important for both of you. In particular, I recommend three different things: therapy for you; therapy for him; and couples therapy for the both of you. It is important that at *least* you have a therapist trained in dealing with LGBT situations...it is also pretty damned important that your couples therapist is trained that way as well. His therapist is less critical...but would be nice, if it can be swung. Many therapists can and will do a good job playing all three roles. Some won't handle both sides of a couple, or either side plus both together. It's also worth recognizing that as helpful as therapy *can* be, many people report really crappy therapists...so definitely try to get a good sense of the person ahead of time. My own experience with therapists has been 100% positive...but I've heard some real horror stories from others. So be careful.
Therapy is helpful but only if you have a lgbt therapist. And it can't solve every problem. Check out other online resources such as Pflag and books like Dear John I Love Jane. And tell someone you trust first. Don't go it alone.
Therapy is helpful but only if you have a lgbt therapist. And it can't solve every problem. Check out other online resources such as Pflag and books like Dear John I Love Jane. And tell someone you trust first. Don't go it alone.
You have described my life exactly. I am in therapy and that really helps, but telling my husband and starting the road to ending the marriage scares me to death. All I know is I can't live the lie anymore, I must live authentically.
I am interested in the therapy aspect as well. I have just started seeing a therapist. It is mainly for some anxiety and self-esteem issues. I don't think she specializes in lgbt therapy though. I am not sure if I should tell her or not. I almost did this last time but it was the first session and I was a bit hesitant.
