Is this normal? Maybe it is, I don't know. For a long time, not only sexual social skills, but also the regular, non-sexual kind, have felt forced. I feel like I was wearing a mask or putting on a façade to avoid showing my true, gay self. But now that I'm in the process of running that mask through the shredder, I'm realizing that I don't have a good grasp on the good old fashioned regular kind of social skills. I'm not trying to fake it anymore, but that means I'm also doing things that I think come across as rude without my meaning it at all. Granted, I'm learning from these experiences, but still, I feel like I'm a little old to be learning skills that any kid would learn. I don't know if this makes sense, but it feels good to finally be learning how to behave as me, but I still don't want to alienate or offend people. I don't think much of society, especially straight society, has much understanding for someone having to relearn social skills later in life...
I'm not a great advice giver as I am still learning and taking in everything as I go myself. It is good that you are enjoying becoming your true self. Its a liberating experience. I definitely understand the mask. Are you feeling like you don't have any armor on at all now? Nothing to hide behind? That was the biggest thing I went through. It left me socially awkward in certain situations, but it went away as I became more comfortable. Hopefully it will for you as well. How do you feel you are being rude?
I think what your going through is normal and I totally relate. I'm alot more real then I used to be in social situations wich means that sometimes I'm awkword because I genuinely have nothing to say and I don't try to say something to make myself or someone else feel comfortable. I think I am learning how to be respectful. I really appreciate living with no "filter though". The filter of strategizing what I say to be socially acceptable and keep me feeling safe and hidden tottally kills passion and inspiration and I would rather be weird and misunderstood then give up those two things lol. It is like learning to be me all over again with a whole new set of tools because the old tools don't fulfill me anymoe. I think growing as a person is like that. We master a set of tools, and if we want to continue to expand ourselves, we have to start with a whole new tool set and learn from the beginning.
I'd say it's completely normal and makes a lot of sense. Do you feel like you're not holding yourself back anymore? That you're more spontaneous, more free, like your energy is flowing more freely? When you allow that to be, you act in new ways, and you get new reactions from people. And you learn new things from them. I think it's wonderful, a sign of progress. And it's exciting! Think of it as an experiment. You're learning more about yourself. You are a good person, and others know that too. Sometimes people we care about act carelessly or selfishly, and that's ok, it's just a part of life sometimes. Perhaps that's what you're doing a little, now. But maybe it's not. Maybe it's just our old sense of self colliding with your new sense of self. Maybe your old self doesn't accept some of the things the new self is finding very natural. What do you think?
Yep, this. I have always been a people pleaser without really realizing that it meant kind of suppressing who I was. I could see no harm in acting the way I was supposed to act and doing anything possible to stay in my relationship. Now that I'm out, I'm alive again. And I look at everyone with a mix of pity and fear. Pity their life's problems can't possibly match mine, and they are not capable of the depth of feeling I have*. And fear that they will envelop or overwhelm me and I'll go back into people pleasing mode. So I've pulled a 180 in my personality and it freaks everyone out. You're not alone, not a bit. *- I know this isn't true, it's just how I feel in my current self-absorbed state
It is a completely different way of relating to the world when you've been in the closet as long as many of us have been---in order to cope, that was your reality....and now you have to deal with acting as you truly are. I think it's made me less socially awkward but there are still so many things I have to deal with too. You'll get there.
well, I'd say it's made me less awkward in some ways, but more so in others. You're right, it's a very different way of looking at/interacting with the world now. I know I need to be patient with myself, but I really don't want to be!
I think I'm experiencing a version of this. I think I've spent most of my life catering to other's needs and realities while mostly ignoring my own needs and realities. I was almost always just holding onto and attending to and honoring one reality at a time (and it wasn't mine). Now I'm starting to attend to and honor my own reality and needs which feels new and foreign and often amazing and real. I feel alive in a way I never have before. Im not really willing ti give that up (which i think is good). I'm now finding myself wanting/needing to be able to skillfully and honestly see and honor my own reality while I *simultaneously* see and honor the reality of others. And I'm pretty sure I need more practice at it. And sometimes I don't manage to do it. And I feel like this process of seeing and honoring myself while simultaneously seeing and honoring others is a skill typically/ideally learned/practiced earlier in life. Like the teen years maye. Or sooner. Not at 40. It is what it is I suppose. So I'm trying to practice this simultaneous thing frequently, sincerily, and with kindness and compassion for me and for others. It feels big and scary to me sometimes.
Hmm I think when we're going through self discovery moments in life, being selfish is totally ok. Im sure youre not being as selfish as you think you are being. This is the time to think about yourself and your happiness. Everything else will fall into place.
