I'm pretty sure I am bi, but it scares me to death. It is a pretty brand new world to me, I have no idea where to begin or how to navigate it. But it has gotten to the point now where I just need to begin really interesting that part of myself, and learn how to get to know other girls in that way, or I'm going to explode.
Hey Sunsetsliding, welcome to EC! Let this be the very beginning of this wonderful adventure! You will find that just about everyone here is dealing with the same "newness" of this experience, rest assured, you are not alone. There is a wealth of material here to get you going, and there are amazing people who will give you tips and pointers along the way. All the best!
Hi! I sort of went through this recently. I've actually identified as bi for many years, but only recently have been in the position to pursue it. When I first got back into the "dating scene", I didn't really focus on women - and had some interesting experiences with men - mostly chatting, but one horrible date. I actually used an online dating site. Never got any interest from women, and didn't really see any who caught my eye. After the most recent experience with a man - he lives several states away and decided within about two hours of chatting that we were somehow in a relationship! - I deactivated my profile for a bit. About a week later, I reactivated it, but changed to seeking women only. Amazingly, the first person to contact me, we have really hit it off and have been seeing each other for over a month. I know that's not a long time, but it's more than I've ever experienced before with a woman! Depending on the size of your city, or if you're close to a bigger city, maybe check out some LGBT meetup groups. In my city, there is only one and it's for "newcomers" to the city - well, I've lived here for 30 years, not exactly a newcomer. Maybe go to a PFLAG meeting or two - or even just contact your local PFLAG group and see if they can point you in the right direction. Enjoy exploring, give it some time, and don't worry - you won't explode. Best of luck!
Welcome!! And congratulations for realizing this about yourself! Are you aboe to explore freely without any repercussions? Married? Single? Accepting family? Know anyone in the LGBT community around you?
Yup. I've been seeking a manual for a while, and it's been tough to wander alone. It's great that you're here. I've found it helps to go back through the archives a bit each day - not a manual, but a community of people who are figuring it out as they go. I know that ready to explode feeling. (You'll find a lot of people posting about it here.) I've found myself experiencing intense, overwhelming moments of attraction, and it's made it difficult to navigate the every day. I blush a lot. Tear up. Get butterflies, or shaky hands. I get angry. I am so jealous of someone I know who's living her authentic life. I am often afraid. You say you're scared to death. Is there something specific you find daunting? Are you free to explore?
Thanks so much for the replies!! First I wanted to say I hope this is an ok place to post. I know later in life can mean well through middle age and all. I am in my upper 20s, which to me kinda feels like later in life since there's been some years of delay in coming to terms with things, and since I went to a pretty lesbianish college lol, I feel quite old for only beginning the journey of coming to terms with things now. It's a lot more awkward and complicated I feel like than in college or whatever, to go thru this now. Please let me know if there's a better place for me to post. I didn't think Coming Out would be too helpful since I'm not "coming out". Just at the very, very beginning of everything, sheepishly poking my head out and beginning to try to find my way. I actually just got and have read some of the book Lesbian Dating 101. LOL Which kindly includes a section for Bisexuality. It's perfect for where I'm at. Any other reading suggestions would be much appreciated! To answer the questions, I am single. My family would not be accepting, and I do not want to tell them. I do not know anyone in the LGBT community. I am not scott free to explore, I would have to be a bit careful probably, but I probably could. It's hard to know where to begin. Also it's possible I am more in the bicurious category, but potentially serious about it. I would really need to explore first to really know myself, and I am realizing above anything, knowing and being at peace with myself and how/who I am exactly, is what my main goal is. I definitely have a strong bisexual side, I just don't know yet how much a part of me it truly is. The most daunting thing (s) to me is essentially flirting with girls. It's already complicated for me. I have a very outgoing, friendly personality and people think I'm flirting all the time when I'm not. Also, I can be flirty a lot lol when I want to. So anyways....it's very scary to me. Because I already come off very strong (as I also have a very intense personality). What if you're attracted to a girl but you have not a clue if she even remotely bi? Really my biggest fear is making girls very uncomfortable, freaking them out, or inadvertently outing myself that way to someone ultimately I might not be able to trust, who might gossip about it or whatever. The last issue is not a particular fear for me, at this point, but like a possibility. Mainly I am afraid of making dynamics with other girls very uncomfortable, or kind of freaking them out, if I begin getting in touch with that side of myself. Because I am so intense n all when I'm flirtatious. One time I was kind of that way with a girl who I had no reason to believe whatsoever was bi or anything. And she seemed to kind of like it lol. She didn't really reciprocate that much but hung around, but i did end up kind of fading back and letting my friend just talk to her. And I wasn't that overtly flirtatious, it was more just a vibe and some subtler cues. I have had Very few interactions like that. Another was a bit of a mean girl experience with a girl who I knew was a lesbian, who seemed to like me initially. I was excited to see her next time, and was like way overeager, in retrospect lol. You know kind of like how when you're a nervous little kid not knowing what you're doing around a crush? And overly vulnerable instead of more suave n all. She became standoffish, which was humiliating because she was with a group of people. And from that point forward things just got more awkward and she was eventually really rude. I can't deal with mean girls of any kind, and that whole thing is particularly scary for me. I'm a nice, caring person, so I prefer to stick to other truly nice and generally more mild-mannered girls who don't really care to be catty or whatever. For whatever reason, I have NO problem dealing with rude or mean guys, I stand up very well to them, and a lot of times they like it or respond well. Standing up to girls is not something I'm really capable of, I just avoid it. Since romance creates strong reactions, pride, and all kinds of new dynamics like that, there's just so much more of that mess. And to me my friendships with kind girls mean more to me than literally anything. So idk really how to describe...but I don't want anything to screw that up or even jeapordI've it. And I also can't deal with like girl drama, it really scares me, whereas with guys it's like nothing for me, it even like energizes me lol. That probably has to do with a lot of childhood stuff lol. So lots of mess I haven't necessarily fully thought and sorted out. And certainly far from figuring out how to deal and cope. Sorry this post is so long!! Thanks for your time and care/help
Well, one way to avoid making girls uncomfortable would be to go to a lesbian bar or event, or to post online looking for other girls -- that way you'd only find people who were into it!
Thanks for the advice! It is kinda complicated in my area. There's a pretty high lesbian population but i tried to look up gay bars, and most of what i found just said like a lot of lesbians/gay people go here, basically. Like people are so comfortable with the gay population, i think it's just very mixed. I know where they're more likely to be, but haven't been able to find any places so far where it's like strictly a gay place type of thing. It's not an urban area, so there's much less to choose from.
