How do you get over your trigger?

I'm short, you don't. I'm sorry.

But you need to think with your head a little and put up some boundaries. Remind yourself that you deserve to be treated better.

I think being upfront and honest is the best policy. Don't let her play games with you, and don't play along. Why don't you just call her and say:

"Hey. I've realized I have feelings for you, and I'm a bit confused about where you stand. Can you please clarify? If you don't have feelings, I'd still like to be your friend, but I need to know so that I can move on as such."

Yeah, it might end up going a way you really don't want it to (I straight up told my Trigger I was "desperately in love" with her, and she very bluntly told me she didn't feel the same), but at least it'll allow you to move forward.

 

It doesn't sound like she's really much of a friend at all. Do you want to continue to be her ego boost, or do you want a reciprocal relationship? You know that golden rule, treat others as you want to be treated? Sounds like you're the only one in this relationship who is behaving that way, and because you're crushing on her, you're letting her get away with treating you poorly. Sometimes, I think we need to amend the golden rule to say treat others and yourself the way you want to be treated. It's okay to be kind to yourself and to realize when someone is not being kind to you.

I think it's called a crush because that's how you feel when it doesn't work out the way you want. Unfortunately, the only remedy I've found is to concentrate on other things, whatever they may be and to recognize that what I want (the crush) is not what I need at the time. And while you're at it, maybe you'll find that better, more supportive friend you need.

 

You don't get over someone you love, you just have to learn to make room for someone else and love them too, it does dull with time but it never goes away. She doesn't sound like a supporting friend, maybe it's time to open more doors and explore.

 

Oh, OntheEdge, welcome to the Trigger Club! It sucks here. Become hyper logical and just turn around and leave. Go. Go. GO!!

Many of us here are the product of our trigger crushes. Just read through any of our threads, I'm sure you'll identify just a little too much for comfort.

You're probably too deep in it right now, but someday, you will realize how truly, truly shitty your trigger crush is. The crap news: in the near future, there will be so many times you'll think you're over her and laughing about how insane she is, and then someone will mention her name, or you'll see and hear something that reminds you of her. And you'll get sad all over again. I imagine that someday, in the future, when we've all completely moved on from these people and have other lives and loves, the sting will be so small when reminders come to us that we'll barely feel sad. Maybe just a twinge of what we once felt. It's what I hope for. In the mean time, go grab yourself some donuts (my trigger crush food of choice), wallow, come up with a plan to make her aware that you want and need to move on, get rejected (it's usually what they do - there are very specific symptoms), and wallow some more until you move on.

It hurts for a long time. Trigger crushes are usually awakenings to real emotions we never knew we had, like loving someone so wholly that we allow ourselves to be treated in ways we'd never dream of treating them. All I can tell you is, and it might not register, and it's really blunt: IF SHE'S NOT RECIPROCATING, IT IS A WASTE OF YOUR EMOTIONAL HEAD SPACE. I'm sorry. But it is a total waste. What you're feeling isn't wasteful. Listen to these feelings and what they mean for your life now. But continuing to waste these emotions on her, even though it will take time for them to dissipate, is so, so wasteful. She doesn't deserve this part of you. You need to move on, because she obviously cannot give you what you need. Just look at her situation, and look at how she treats you. You're smart. I see it in your post that you're aware of what she's doing. Don't let yourself fool yourself...it's the easiest thing in the world to do.

I would listen to Mellie's suggestion. Tell her what's going on. She obviously won't be surprised, from your post, it seems like she's trying to be romantic with you but keep you at arm's length. That's another one of their specialties, trigger crushes. One of two things will happen. She'll say she feels the same, or like most, she'll say she doesn't. Either way, you'll get to move on. Will you get over her? Probably not. Not in the sense of totally forgetting. I think like all things we've loved, they stay in their place, but eventually, we compartmentalize and move on with life as usual. I know it probably doesn't feel that way now because they take up so much room and thought, but as time goes on, they take up less space.

While that's going on, we're here for you!

 

That is really hard! Wow! She sounds terrible and wonderful at the same time. I'm not sure how. When I got over my very first crush I had a really good cry and then found out other girls exist. I suggest crying long and hard and then walking around town and meeting people. But, don't listen to me. It's not like I've ever been in this situation.

 

Wow, amazing your thread has given me insight. What is a Trigger Crush? I still don't know what it means exactly so if anyone could please school me, it would be appreciated.

Simply telling your trigger about your feelings may not be enough. She may already now how you feel but likes having you around like a security blanket. You're likely going to have to be the one who draws the line. If you can't get what you need from her, then you need to see the situation for what it is and slowly back out. It's hard I know but it will be totally worth it.

This might sound very mean but one way to get over her is to replace her with another friend. Still have her as a friend but because of your unmutual feelings prioritize her after a friend who truly is about being your friend.

 

The trigger crush is the person who you find you have feelings for that don't match with what you thought was your sexual orientation. So in your case, the first guy you fell for when you thought you were straight.

 

thank you!

 

You have to love others instead AND focus on what is negative about them as a partner. It's basically the only way I know, but the combination DOES work if you are really dedicated to it.

In some cases it's impossible to do these things while remaining their friend. In other cases, it works.

In my case, I was lucky because I could focus on loving my husband. Finding fault with HER was much harder because I adore her. But I focus on how impossible a relationship would be with her given that we are both married and I occasionally ask for her to talk about really detailed comics trivia because I can't stand it. Hee!

Imagine me sitting there staring at her boobs and asking her intently, "talk about comics."

haha, I'm cracking myself up. But that's basically how it goes.

In addition, I had to think of a new "box" to put my trigger in. I decided on "best friend". I've been calling her that in my head for a little while and finally used it on her. She seemed delighted. I've had a best friend before so I know how to treat one. Now I can relate to her in a more relaxed way.

In your case I think "hot acquaintance" may be more appropriate.