Well. Our lease is up December 29. We will be going month-to-month after that but the ex and I are already looking for a new place. From there, he will move out. I suggested maybe he find a roommate and then he could come to wherever we choose to move to be with the kids on the weekends. This is a little faster than we had originally planned, but I think we are both anxious to get the ball rolling. Being in a stagnant state is becoming old very quickly. I am in desperate need of some boundaries too--like, you-can-no-longer-walk-in-when-I'm-in-the-shower-boundaries. And seriously-stop-asking-me-for-a-blow-job-boundaries. Ugh. He asked me "what's going on" with this girl I'm meeting this weekend. I told him that from talking to her, I really like her, but I'm going into it looking for a new friend. He asked me if I would do anything with her, and I had to be honest --I just don't know yet, but if the chemistry that I think is going to be there IS there, then yes. He got all flustered about "how quickly" I can move on, to which I responded, it was a long time coming. Then he got upset about that . . . Then I asked him, "If some cute girl came along and she was interested in YOU, would you pass? Would you not date her, simply because we are living together still? I am not in love with you. I have no romantic feelings for you. You know that I am done. I have been very clear. I am a lesbian." And he said, "You're right. I would date someone if I wanted to. I see where you're coming from. What's her name?" This is so complicated. I can't believe this is actually happening. It's right, and I want it to happen . . . but so much is changing so quickly. I am not really sure how I am going to support myself yet. I do have a part-time job, and I am getting some assistance from the school I'm attending, and I know I will also get child support. But it's going to be tough. I'm thinking of telling my work about my situation -- not the entire thing, of course, but the soon-to-be-single-mom-thing. Just to let them know I'd be interested in more hours or a promotion if the opportunity arises. So happy I have my little group of EC-therapists :roflmao:
Wow. Good for you! I have to say, he sounds like a decent guy. I mean, he seems to mostly get it (requests for blowjobs notwithstanding - yuck). I am so glad that you can both move forward in a respectful and adult manner. It's really nice to see. And I'm glad that you're going to meet that girl. Whether you find a love connection or a friend or nothing at all, I think it's positive that you are just putting yourself out there and living authentically. Just don't put too much pressure on yourself to move super quickly - in any area - let things unfold naturally and take things one step at a time. It's all progress, and it's all good!
Good for you!! Wish mine was as calm as yours. On the BJ thing, well we are all disgusting, depraved, sex addicts don't you know? I am tempted to say, wel he probably thinks what's the worst you can say, no? But that would betray me as one of those digusting, sex obsessed guys... Well... Errr guilty. Seriously though, yeah it's uncomfortable at this point and he should stop asking. Boundaries are good. Happy for you... You WILL work it out, you'll figure out the money, you will be awesome.
You're really brave to be taking these steps to move forward! I wish you nothing but the best with it.
Wow that is quick and good for you! So happy you are both able to be adult about it and work towards a solution. It might be a lot to wrap your head around at first but I'm sure you will feel much better once it's done.
Good luck darling! Also, maybe have him take joint or main custody of the kids for a few years, until you've gotten on your feet? It's easier to earn a degree and work toward a full time job if you're equal or weekend parenting. You could also spend some time working out your new normal via being a lesbian.
Thanks everyone! Cap--I see what you're saying, but joint custody isn't possible. He's active military. He's gone most of the time.
Congrats! It is a big change, and very exciting, but I can also understand why it makes you nervous. Wish you all the best I have to say though, your husband is being incredibly reasonable. I wish my ex had a fraction of his sense.
Fair enough. That's a bummer. Out of curiosity what would happen if you died? Would he have to get a different job? Im going to cross the line into meddling territory now. Hopefully you can ignore me if I've gone a step too far. I'm not saying he should have to consider it but I'm kind of saying that. I don't see why you have to end up poor underemployed and with both kids just cause you're gay and a woman.
You're not meddling. We have to have a family care plan in place. If I were to die, that plan would become active. The kids would go to whoever was designated until he could retrieve them. Have you ever heard the saying, "If the military wanted you to have a family, they would have issued you one"? That's how it is. They don't care that I'm gay or we are getting a divorce or that we have kids. All they care about is that he is "mission ready"--that's just the way it works. He signed a contract. He has a commitment. That's that. He still has four more years in his current contract. My hope was that he would consider getting out. But he will be so close to retirement, he's having a hard time with that idea.
I WAS kind of meddling. Thanks for sharing the details---I was actually quite curious how it worked. Well, we all have our personal issues and you guys are doing much better than most. I wish it were going to easier on you, is all. I like you and that will be a hard road. That being said, I have faith in your ability to handle it!
Enjoy going out with your new friend. I hope she turns out super nice and awesome! It sounds like you have come to some hard and necessary decisions. I'm sorry that he isn't around much for the kids. My neighbor's husband just got out of the service on medical discharge, and in the 7 years we've live near each other, he's only been home for about 6 months of it full time and some of the rest of it on weekends.... it totally sucks for all of them, so I can imagine how it is for you. (*hug*)
Cute single lesbian getting a degree and working part time while raising her kids = superhero status. I imagine it's all pretty bittersweet. So, here I come with the (*hug*)(*hug*)
Sounds like the plot to an adorable lesbian romcom :eusa_clap Bumping into a super attractive caring girl and dropping your books and falling in love and the rest is history. Aww
You are such an inspiration. A tremendous role model. Not just for those of us in similar situations, but for anyone who feels trapped in any impossible situation. Your kids have a terrific mom and all your fans are rooting for you. God less you as you embark on this awesome journey!
Exactly what Patagonia just said - ditto - ditto - ditto. There are so many of us here a few fearful steps from the path you are on (me). You are an inspiration. - J
