My own advice (a small rant)

Aren't we all better at giving advice than taking it, especially our own? I vote yes.

It's not that weird to buy your friend a dress. You probably just feel like it's weird because you know your feelings are more than what they may appear to be. If my friend bought me a dress, I'd think she was crazy for getting me a gift, but I promise I wouldn't sit and question if she wants to be with me romantically. Though, if that ever happens in the future, now I might! lol.

Don't be so hard on yourself. Thoughts are thoughts. You might be really overwhelmed with how you're feeling because your trigger crush is in your life in a big way. I'd probably still be nuts if mine was still there in the same way when we were "just friends." It's hard to have that in your life and not be able to act on it. I don't think it works in the end, but who knows.

Is falling out of love with her really working?

 

Its always easier to give advice than to take it. And you definitely DO give great advice. But cut yourself some slack. You are doing great and youre totally allowed to slip a little.

 

When I reported on going to a gay bar you said something to the effect of that being brave. Buying a dress for your crush is supremely brave. Please don't beat yourself up over it.

 

It's totally normal you slipped. We're all human. We do this, knowing something and doing it is a different thing. It's also totally normal you're now beating yourself up about it.

Don't. It's the equivalent of this.. (finally a smiley says it all) :bang: Yeah.. about that productive.

Cut yourself some slack. You are a good person, and you give fantastic advice. But you are human. And you're right.. tomorrow is another day (*hug*)

 

We won't go into what I've bought my crush ( that's a weird word and not one we use in Aus) for Christmas.....

 

I completely feel you! I am the most level-headed responsible person, and sometimes I wish I could just be/go crazy for a week or two and do all the 'naughty' things I think about doing, but won't/don't because of the possible repercussions.

If it makes you feel any better, I made my bff a pick me up mix cd before she had surgery last year. Several of the songs were probably questionable as to whether they should have been included for a friend. So, yeah, I get it...

 

A few months back, I saw an article that a friend posted on FB about this very topic! Thought it was really interesting then, and is timely now, so here goes:

Why don

I often feel the same way. I think I give pretty decent, well thought-out, overall smart advice to people when asked of it. Yet I don't take my own advice almost ever. And not just in terms of relationships. If a friend of mine has a cold, I'm quick to say "go to the doctor!" or "take some meds!" But when I have a cold, I usually just pretend like I don't, refuse to see any doctors, and hate taking medicine. My advice is totally on point, and yet I refuse to listen to myself! And there's not even a good reason why.

Anyway, for some advice, haha, I agree with everybody else here and say don't beat yourself up for buying your trigger a gift (especially something she loved). Sure, you know there's something more to why you bought it than simply friendship, but at the same time I don't think there's anything weird about it (and you didn't buy her something that suggests romantic interest). My closest friends and I regularly buy each other gifts, not just on birthdays and holidays, but in general if we see something the other person would love or something along those lines. My best friend and I are total pro wrestling geeks (I think I've mentioned before) and have gone to WrestleMania the last five years in a row. I've bought the tickets to the show more than a few times over the years, because I could afford to and because he's like a brother to me, so why not treat him to a good time? Sometimes I think giving is just in my nature.

My trigger has definitely become like a best friend and yes, I'll admit, I still treat him to a lot of things and buy him gifts here and there. I like seeing him happy. Perhaps it's something I should back off on even more than I already have, but for now I think it's pretty innocent and he returns the favor in a lot of ways (mostly with his time, and willingness to do things he might not otherwise do except that he knows I want to do them, though now that he's working, he definitely picks up a fair share of tabs for meals and other activities. Part of me still just feels like I'm the older and more financially sound one, so paying for things kind of comes with the territory, but I digress).

 

Hi. I'm not as much of a newbie as I have been defined...

But....

Not engaging with my secret crush is a struggle... Each and everyday. Although we are not best friends, we were lovers. So the reasons I have are far different from yours, but in the end revelation/reconnection would be equally devastating for us both. I write her secret letters. I talk to her in my head. I sometimes spend waaayyyy too much time remembering our love story. I re-write it in my head (there were many times she and I tried, unsuccessfully, to reinvent it in real life). It is hard and I wonder when it will get easier. Some days I feel very little pull to contact other days I am imagining ways to hear her voice.

If you feel you should follow your advice- then do that, but if you can't always be perfect... Cut yourself some slack. All pencils come with erasers, right?

 

It really never is a linear process, but (and as your graphs show ), your trending towards better, you're growing so much.

Also, I don't think it's negative to express your feelings. Maybe it's not what you've drcided is best for you, but it is what it is, you have feelings, you expressed them, that's fine. but your trigger likely won't see you buying the dress in a romantic way. You haven't done anything to cross any boundaries.

Don't bd hard on yourself - you're doing great, Cap .

 

Lol I wish. I'm not that brave. It's a living memory pendant in the shape of a heart. It opens and you put little tokens in it...I've had fun picking out the tokens.

And I accidentally called her gorgeous to her face today....eeekkk...she picked up on it immediately....

 

I am wanting to fix up my hair and send her selfies. So, I relate to you buying her a dress. I also noticed the lingerie in my closet for the first time in ages today...

 

I vote yes!

 

You can't give good advice if your not a real person -- thank you for showing you are -- you have to know what it is to be lost to help others find the way ....

Try not to be cut and dry life has so many tones it's so individual - you may find that the perfect place for your relationships to be is not where you think

 

Well. First of all. Hands down. I think you are the coolest person here. Like Fonzie on Happy Days. Everyone went to him for advice. And he was always right. Always could quickly size up a situation and give a simple answer to solve someone's problem. He potected the weak. Was never a bully. And the women loved him. Actually, the guys did too. They just didn't realize it. But this superman in a motorcycle jacket was human too. And who did he go to for advice? Richie? Pottsy? It's lonely being the coolest person in town. Please don't be angry at yourself. Acting on your feelings is not something to feel guilty about. We already get enough guilt from enough people. As others have said, even you, the coolest person here, is human. Take care. And please PLEASE don't hold back when you see us screwing up or acting like idiots! OK?

 

It's ok Cap... there is nothing easy or simple about this. For any of us.(*hug*)