Hi there! Perhaps this one is technically more suited to the orientation thread, but I wanted to stress that it's a late-in-life thing for me, so perhaps folks here would find it easier to relate. Also, I've tried to spare you kind readers some of the gorier (explicit) details. Thanks in advance for bearing with me … I've identified as exclusively gay since puberty, fast-forward 40 years and I'm pretty sure that was rather pre-mature. For the record, I have not had heterosexual intercourse, but these days the idea is becoming more and more … attractive, shall we say. I've always found straight porn hotter than gay stuff, but that was easy to deal with as “obviously I liked the guy and tune her out.” Well, perhaps yes, but not completely. These days, when I watch porn featuring older guys and women, I'm thinking quite clearly, “Yes, I want to be that guy!” Let's make it clear I'm no less interested in sex with guys at all,not at all. How to put this … I don't want to date women, or become romantically attached, but have sex: f'buddies for the most part as they say. Obviously, it's important that she have a good time as well, but I don't find myself attracted to specific women (as in “Wow, she's HOT!”). I saw a therapist who specializes in orientational issues, who completely ruled out the idea that I was trying to “prove” that I could be straight (if I wanted), but that it was latent bisexuality. I've run across a couple of other older guys (over 40 anyway) online who have similar feelings, but on the whole gay-to-bi is such an uncommon issue that it feels like having some sort of “syndrome” for which there's no support group! However, in lurking here a bit I have noticed posts by other folks with similar stories, so thought I'd add mine. For what it's worth, my theory is that among folks who hit puberty much before the 1990's, you were attracted to others of your sex, you were gay – period. Honestly, I don't feel a though it's that my orientation has fluidly shifted, as much as the repressed bisexuality isn't repressing as well as it used to. Again, thanks for reading. I'm more than willing to share … details privately, or have a public (PG-rated) dialogue. Having read several of your own stories, I feel confident that this group will be understanding.
I would say that sexuality is and can be fluid which is why I am so uncomfortable with labels and don't want to be put in a box. In my head, I identify as gay but I'm not out (well, I have literally just come out to my mum - yay!). I have struggled with my sexuality for so long because my head does occasionally get turned by a woman which makes me start to doubt myself (and I wanted to be absolutely sure of what I wanted before I announced it to the world). I think if you have the opportunity to experiment, go for it. If it's not your thing then at least you'll know. I reckon we'd all be having mixed-sex orgies if it weren't for societal concepts of what's normal and acceptable.
I don't think it is any different to believing you are straight and finding you are bi or gay. I went from straight to bi to gay, I see gay to bi as you discovering yourself. Good on you.
I think you've identified a few aspects of your experience that point toward this being something that may have been part of *you* all along (always preferring hetero porn, assuming attraction to same sex=gay due to generation). I've recently gone from identifying as 100% heterosexual to super, super bi. I think life can surprise us.
I'm going to venture into controversial territory, namely, unrecognized orientations. For the moment, let's suspend disbelief and see if we can gain insights on this path. From what you've written, you appear to be a homoromantiic bisexual. As someone who approached this the other way (married to a women and then came out as gay (technically Kinsey 5) later in life), I can relate to the idea of having sex with women without the emotional attachment. For me, the martial sex was fun and satisfying, but it always lacked the fireworks I get when kissing a guy. I agree with the idea that this has been part of you all along and that you are now allowing yourself to discover it. HTH
Thanks everyone who's posted so far. I think you're all very supportive and have been pretty much on the mark.
I've only ever identified as straight, even though as a teen I felt like I was also bisexual (and that everyone else was) because I experimented with a friend (female) and found it to be almost the same level of sexual satisfaction with men. Thought I was going to marry a man, have kids, white picket fence. 25 hits, and I'm in love with a female. Now I've had to really realize my bi-ness, analyze how I feel about both genders and possibly question if I am lesbian because there was more spark with the one I fell for than any man I was ever with. csmith says, "I reckon we'd all be having mixed-sex orgies if it weren't for societal concepts of what's normal and acceptable." And I totally agree with this sentiment. I think most of us know that this is how it used to be long, long before, way back when in the times before and even after Shakespeare. Sexuality labels, yes comfortable, really are a box. I think that on the most innate, biological level, sex is a feeling and an urge that pushes us to have sex and reproduce. I mean, this is really getting down to the super scientific end of it, but sex only even feels good so that we have the will and push to reproduce - it's a reward system for dummies, and the only reason we're even here on this earth. So sexual satisfaction could really be taken out on anything or anybody, under the right circumstances, of course. So having sex with a woman or a man is the same action/same goal, just a different set of things to play with. It sounds like you could identify as a homo-romantic bisexual. That's kind of how I feel at this point, because I know I can have sex with a man. I know under the right circumstances it could be pretty damn amazing, but I also feel the same way about women now, and like them on an emotional level a little more than men. Labels, man! Just do you. I totally believe that the concept of heterosexuality is a complete societal construct to abide by religion and patriarchal ideals.
