Clueless! I need some advice.

I so have no advice! I went on my only first date at 15, so no help there...

However, I think you are adorable and sassy, and I think you should just go in there radiating YOU and if she doesn't like it, it's her loss!

We will always love and appreciate you.

 

1-Pay! She'll probably say no, and probably suggest splitting it, etc, but I say pay! And as long as things went well, just tell her that she can pay next time :icon_wink

If things go badly, shoot, make her pay her own way, haha.

2-Just let the conversation flow naturally. Actually one of the things I disliked about dating when I went on a few dates with people I didn't know was the whole almost job interview like portion. To me, knowing all of that stuff already and being able to just have some regular conversation is so much more rewarding.

3-Wear whatever you feel best in! Dress for you, what you think makes you look good! Your energy and excitement from feeling good about how you look will make you look good to her. Attitude goes a long way. Wear the clothes, don't let the clothes wear you.

4-Don't change who you are. If you're a hugger, go for a hug! She obviously likes you enough, be it as a friend or potentially more, to be comfortable around you for who you are. So be who you are! I swear I almost started quoting that song "Hey Leonardo" for a second there...She likes me for me!...Dammit, did it.

More than anything else, just have fun! You seem like a pretty awesome, charming person and I bet that's just as true away from a keyboard. Enjoy yourself!

 

Okay...first, take a deep breath and calm down. If you let yourself get too worked up about it, you won't have any fun, and that's no good, is it?

You can offer to pay, and I imagine she will probably resist and want to pay her share. You can insist if you want, but don't push it. Some people are not comfortable with the other person paying at a first meeting. But you can play that one by ear.

Don't worry about what to talk about. If you've already talked for hours, then you guys already have an easy rapport with each other, right? The conversation will probably just flow naturally.

Wear whatever-da-fuk you want to wear. Casual is fine. Just wear something that you are comfortable in and that you think you look good in. If you feel good, it will radiate outwards.

Sure, give her a friendly hug, but don't maul her when she walks in the room, LOL. I think you'll know what to do there.

And just be your regular, charming self. You've already charmed all of us here, and we haven't had the pleasure of being in the same room with you...so, I am confident that you will do just fine!

So, you know, just relax, be yourself, and HAVE FUN!

 

Fun! Super Exciting!

I agree conversation will flow once you get started, no need to worry there. You can always brush up with some news/current events/local happenings to remark on if a comfortable pause in conversation goes too long.

If you are worried about the hug thing you can always hug afterwards instead of before, depending on how you feel/what vibes you get from her.

 

I always like it when someone asks, "Is it okay if I give you a hug?" It's not like I won't say yes - but it helps me feel less anxiety about it. So, I've taken to doing the same. For me, it sets up a safe place where I know there's respect and consent all around.

So exciting, and nerve wracking, and fun. ENJOY!

 

1. SPLIT IT
2. talk about your home towns or movies
3. something that makes your body look good.
4. LOOSE hug, not tight. At the end of the night, you can make it tighter.

HAVE FUN!!!!

 

So I'm going out with my friend tomorrow. I'm not sure exactly what it is, just letting it happen "organically," as most suggested. I'm trying to go in with 0 expectations. I just want to have fun. But I'm super-duper excited.

Ahhhh! Me too!! Expect to have fun and nothing more.

Anyway, we're meeting up for lunch. And now I have all these questions!

1) Do I pay? I'm going in thinking yes, I am going to pay. And I want to pay. Because I pretty much brought up the idea of us meeting up, and that seems like the courteous thing to do. But, is that going to be offensive in any way?

I agree with Shadow about this. Go for it, push once more if she says no, but if she keeps saying no, just let her pay. Some people don't like it on the first meeting, some people do. I wouldn't stress about this too much, just feel the situation out when the time comes. Also, and I have no idea, but did you guys decide this is a friends-date, or a date, or a friends-date that might turn into a date? If she thinks you're just meeting as friends, paying might seem weird to her. But just feel it out!

2) We've already spoken for hours on end. I'm pretty sure I know everything about her. So what the heck do I talk about? Anyone have any good date-questions (even though this is totally a non-date, or maybe it's not, whatever it is)?

This is hard. Damn. Talk about the possibility of Donald Trump being the president, lol. Ask about her family. Just let the conversation flow. I think you'll be totally fine here

3) What do I wear? Okay, I only own t-shirts, flannel shirts, hoodies, a couple sweaters, and jeans and khakis. Can I dress super casual for this non-date?

Like everyone said, something that makes you feel good - sans jammies! Flannel with a tee shirt and some skinny jeans would get me going. How casual is the place you're going? Do you have a cute button down or tee with a super casual blazer/cardigan/zip up hoodie to go over it? That would super get me going... lol. Still! Wear whatever makes you feel the best, and bring that amazing smile! You'll be good to go.

4) When I meet her, do I go straight for the hug? I'm a hugger, you guys. A full-on, tight-squeeze, I-don't-care-if-I-don't-know-you hugger. Would it be too much?

This is hard too. It might not be a bad idea to ask, though that can feel a little awkward. Since you've been talking for quite awhile, though, I don't see why it would be too much. Maybe don't do a super tight one? Maybe I shouldn't answer this, lol.

And any other advice you guys could give me would be great because this is the first ever non-date I've had with a woman and I'm flipping out and feeling way out of my confident-assertive-Mellie-realm.

Just be yourself!! Maybe try to hit a Starbucks or coffee shop after you eat lunch if you're still having a good time and the conversation is flowing. Or will there be a place to walk around? You could do that and talk - having other things around (clothing stores, people walking around, etc) can be great background noise to relax and act like yourself. You're gonna do great. And report back!!

 

I like it! Put up one more outfit for comparison if you can. Otherwise, I say good to go!

 

It's cute. And that bed is a mess...

 

Don't worry.

Remember, she'll be having the same thoughts.

You'll be fine. Just be yourself and have fun.

 

You look so cute!

 

Very happy for you!!

Ok, I am probably the last person to give advice on girl/girl date - never had one

However, I'll give this a shot.

If you really want to, you can pay and if she politely protests I would insist but say she can get you coffee or something next time no worries. That is if you really like her and plan on regularly seeing her, otherwise split the bill.

I think any activity, even having a meal together should bring some topics up. Maybe asking some questions along the way will keep conversation going. Just keep being yourself, say something and I am sure she will catch on.

I think casual sometimes is looks even better than dressy if it fits you well and brings up your best features, can look very attractive.

Watch her body language and you'll feel if the hug is best, I wouldn't think too much as these things come naturally. If you hug her great, if not, it's not going to hurt anything. If she likes you, she will like you with/without a hug since you are only starting to get to know each other?

Have fun!

 

If you really have no expectations, then this is slightly more about you (singular) than about you (plural), in terms of wants/needs.

It sounds to me like it would mean something to you to pay. Realize that it *might* be important to her that you not pay. So be sensitive...right at the outset, you might try something like, "now my thought is that this is my treat, since it was my idea...is that cool?" And then genuinely be ok with splitting the check if she seems uncomfortable with that.

The whole point of this is to sit uncomfortably staring at each other for an hour or so. Don't go trying to circumvent that with idle chitchat.

No, seriously, if you know everything about her based on a few hours of conversation, why date her? Ok, even more seriously, I'm pretty darned sure that you *don't* know everything about her. It's a lunch? Talk about the food. About food in general; likes, dislikes. Do you already know what she's going to order? Talk about that. What's her favorite ethnic cuisine? Dish? Of course, if the conversation at any point takes a more interesting turn, you can let it have its head...but there's nothing like talk of food to make a person...hungry.

Wear anything neat that you feel comfortable in. You can go super-casual (assuming that's appropriate for the restaurant)...but not sloppy. Quite likely, erring on the side of casual is a better bet than erring on the side of dressy.

Again...no expectations? Be yourself. Y'know what? Scratch that. Even if you *have* expectations, *be yourself*. If you're a hugger, then HUG!! You may need to say a polite little "ok...I'm a hugger...so...". But if you're a hugger, then you're probably used to doing that anyway.

So my advice to (1), (3), and (4) above are all essentially "go with what makes you comfortable, but be sensitive"...part of that, though, requires a big dose of "BE YOURSELF". Duh, relax (like you'll have control over that ). Be you...you're awesome.

And remember that you have no expectations other than to enjoy lunch and get to talk and be with her in person.

I wish you so much luck! *hugs*

 

We don´t get to see the potential outfits?



edited to add an actual answer.

STOP OVERTHINKING! Just go out as you would with your best friend. A relationship is nothing more than a very physical and intimate friendship after all..