Hi all, I'm new to this site and glad to have found it. I am looking for advice from married people who have been in my situation. I am married with a young child. I love my wife and kid endlessly and don't want to do anything to lose them, however I am bi-sexual and the older I get the more frustrated I am becoming. I'm completely in the closet and very straight acting. I have wore my wifes undies and really like it. I love feeling femanine and I think about sex with men all the time. Its just the sex and clothing though, i'm not really attracted to men or want to be romantic with them. I have thought about telling her but it may go bad. I don't want to split up and be a weekend dad. I would love to have a friend to go out to the bar with and have a fun relationship but the thought of that makes me feel so bad on my wife. This is driving me crazy. Have you been where I am or are you there too? Can you talk to me and give me some advice? Thank you, peace.
Hi Plecky, Welcome to EC :welcome: I was in a mixed-orientation marriage for many years. After soul searching at midlife, I decided that I needed to live authentically according to my true self. In my case, I identify as gay and want relationships with men. As a result, divorce was the obvious decision in my situation. You need to figure out what you want from your life. Given that you identify as bisexual and appear to be uncomfortable with the idea of having relationships with men, the decision to leave your marriage seems less clear cut. The experience of wearing women's underwear doesn't resonate with me personally, so I cannot offer you specific suggestions. Do you feel that you might be transgender? Have you ever had sex or relationships with other men that may influence your desire for the same today? I'm not familiar with the divorce laws in PA, so you may want to seek the advice of a divorce attorney before you dismiss the idea of joint custody and accept being a weekend dad should you decide to move forward on the divorce/separation front.
I'm new here too and in a similar situation as yourself. I'm married with children and for years thought I was bi, until recently I realized that I really am gay. I'm still married and at one point I told my wife I was bisexual. She was OK with it for a while. Until I started talking more and more about it. Now I just don't talk about it at all. It makes her uncomfortable. And it only pushed me deeper in the closet, but i hope for you things would go better if you decided to tell her. And as far as the underwear goes, I do the exact same thing. But I'm not really sure what it means, I've never had an opportunity to explore my sexuality in that way, just know You're not alone my friend. (*hug*)
Same situation here Plecky and Bluesteel. The older I get the more frustrated I have become. Don't want to be a weekend Dad either and mortified about coming out to anyone. Just accepting who I am had recently brought me some peace of mind. Mixed orientation marriage sounds great but it doesn't seem to work usually. I know I'm not helping you much but hang in there.
It seems as time goes by, the ability to maintain an artificial life becomes more and more difficult. Living without authenticity gets manifested in so many ways both emotionally and physically. At some point, a catalyst occurs which presents each of you with the opportunity to decide how to live going forward. And it is at this point when you can no longer accept how you have been living, but decide you NEED to be true to yourself. Starting to post on EC means each of you are reaching that point, searching for answers and figuring out where to go from here. Welcome to the journey. I do believe if you are true to yourself, you will find what you are looking for. And there is a lot of support on EC to help you get there.
HI Plecky, Yes I am very much like you, married to a wondeful woman for 11 yrs, but no children. I love my wife and do not want to hurt her in any way. I remain in the closet. I too, enjoy wearing her underwear, and feeling feminine at times. I am reluctant to develop a fun relationship outside of the marriage. That feels wrong to me. I do have a supportive therapist, this is helpful to me. If you dont have a counselor it might be worth your while to find a professional to help you sort out these confusing issues. Good Luck, welcome to EC!
You are in a tough spot. Trust me. I know. You dont want to give up your desires, but you also want your Christmas card to show the "perfect" American family. So, you could live two separate lives. But chances are, that will come tumbling down the instant your two worlds collide. Put your desires on hold til your kids are grown? Is that fair to your wife? If she knew now, she could have more years of happiness herself? I guess what I'm trying to say that these are choices, very difficult choices you will need to make. And each will come with consequences. That's why you should read the stories and posts here. If you are in therapy, be honest about what's going on. Take your time! If men find you attractive now, they still will in five years! For me, this site has given me a trendous confidence, not that I will make the perfect decision, but that I understand the consequences and willing to take the risk! Good luck and keep posting!
