I am 31 I have known I was attracted to women since I was 12/13. The thing is I was a bit of an ugly duckling/ unpopular with the boys at school but when I turned 16 I gained a lot of male attention and the f**ked up thing was I revelled in it even though I never looked at a guy thinking I want to kiss you touch you etc. I just wanted to be wanted. Things went on like this for a few years I had a couple of year long relationships with guys and minimized any female desires deep inside. I met I guy I actually wanted when I was 22 and thought yey im not gay I must just be bi. I married him and had 2 kids I would have stayed married to him for life but he betrayed my trust in a massive way and I found out in January no more marriage after 8 years. He was doing illegal stuff porn wise on the internet. Its been nearly a year since and I just cant find one guy I remotely feel attracted to. I am attracted to women all the time. I dated a few girls but its not worked out. I tried to date a guy but I really didn't want to do anything with him. I could have slept with numerous men this year and just don't want to at all. This is where is gets confusing. I get upset that people will think my marriage didn't work because I am gay even though he was the love of my life that I am to blame for him looking at young teens on the internet but the truth us our sex life was good. I am just really scared about everything right now. I came out to my folks as bi and I got some interesting points back not mean to me but very demeaning and just saying oh you will meet a nice guy.......feeling like this is bringing me so down.
Hi! Sorry you've been struggling. It sounds like you are dealing with a lot of stuff right now. I couldn't quite tell which thing was getting you down, though. I got three different worries from your post. 1. You are worried people will blame you for the end of your marriage. 2. You are not happy with your romantic life because you haven't found someone special. 3. Your parents are not supportive of a queer lifestyle. 4. You feel generally down because of 1-3. Did I understand correctly?
I think I wrote it a bit all over the place sorry! Yes in essence what you have said but im not too worried about my romantic life I have faith I will find the right person at the right time. This year has definitely not been the right time. I think my biggest worry is the fact people (my ex his family already use it as an excuse) will judge me and say he went looking at underage porn because she is more into women etc no wonder he did that.... I have overheard people saying similar already The secondary part is twofold I am realising I am attracted to women exclusively and I don't want to sleep with guys even if I think they are lovely. This is hard to come to terms with I suppose and my parents disapproval doesn't help.
Ah, I see. Repeat after me: MY EX DID NOT BREAK THE LAW BECAUSE I AM GAY. Now say it again. Period. The fucking end. If he'd RAPED someone would it have been because you are gay? NO. It would have been because HE'S AN ASSHOLE. His family is doing whatever they can to soften the blow that THEIR SON IS AN ASSHOLE WHO BROKE THE LAW. They don't want to believe it. They want to blame someone. And, honey, jerks like that would be blaming you NO MATTER WHAT. So what if he was sexually dissatisfied? SO WHAT. NO ONE made him break the law. There are LOTS of legal ways to deal with a lack of sexual fit in a marriage. Including legal porn, having an affair or simply getting divorced. Repeat after me: MY EX DID NOT BREAK THE LAW BECAUSE I AM GAY. Now say it again. ---------- Post added 14th Dec 2015 at 10:34 AM ---------- Sorry, I guess I'm not done: Would you tell ME that my husband got involved with ILLEGAL activities because I wasn't boning him enough? Would you? Would there be any circumstance in which you would blame me? I doubt it. Be as kind to yourself as you would be with me, a total stranger. Be kinder.
Thank you in tears here I suppose I needed to see those words written down. I will look at this until I get the message. thank you again
Hugs, my darling. I'm sorry this has happened to you. How you feel about being gay (or bi with a preference for women) seems like it's something you still need to work on and I hope you will find peace and happiness over time. But his illegal behavior being your fault is a burden you can set down immediately. It's absurd to carry it around. It's HIS weight to bear. If he can't realize that, then he is not a man, he is a petulant child.
He is a petulant child unfortunately and I have discovered holds many sociopath traits. I had no idea about any of this while married to him he admitted it to me in January. I phoned the police straight away they are still investigating and have his hardware a year later. He slept with someone less than 6 weeks later then found himself in a relationship with someone a few weeks after that apparently she knew and was fine with it which I doubt very much. he begged me back and as I was talking to him about why he has done these things he assaulted me which he just recently got charged with. He was allowed supervised visits with the kids but he has abandoned them and started blaming me for everything after the assault. He has now moved onto another single mum and I cant even warn her as I may get in trouble for harassment. All in all its really dented my sense of self thus my warped thinking.
Hugs to you. He sounds like very, very bad news. And shame on those who would support him and his bad behavior. Honestly, being gay sounds like the very least of your issues with him. You'd need to be out of that marriage anyway. Not because of you but because of HIM. Try and be kind to yourself. You've been through hell and are still dealing with the fallout. Liking women really doesn't have that much to do with the fact that you have to deal with a sociopath as the father of your children. You've been so strong already. I can't say anything to make the pain go away but know that I admire you for being so resilient and strong for your children and yourself.
I know you are right but I have had to try and use it as an opportunity to find more out about myself. I am working hard on changing my future returned to education hopping to get a place at university next year. Its all I can do. There have been many times where I have not felt very strong over the last year. Its finding support about the things I can deal with as in my sexuality it helps to remove anything unnecessary off my shoulders. I really appreciate the support. the kindness of strangers and there outside perspective can be invaluable.
