Been confused for a long time

Sorry for the novel, but I feel like I need to explain how I ended up the way that I am.
I need help from anyone that is willing to read my life story :lol:.

Hey everyone, first of all let me tell you about myself. I am a 37 year old virgin male and have been confused about my orientation for a long time now. I have always been shy and introverted as well as suffered from major depression and anxiety for pretty much my adult life.
I'm not really sure where my confusion started except that I found pornography in the mail at home somewhere around 11 or 12 years old. Before this, I really wasn't interested in dating or hooking up with anyone. I was just fine being a kid and hanging out with friends. Middle school was a rough time of my life for me, probably the hardest of my life. I had very few friends then, but most of them were male. I never had any crushes on any of them, but I did start to notice girls around this time. I never had the confidence to do anything with girls though, so I just continued to go to school and continue "being a kid". I do remember in 7th and 8th grade being accused of being gay by other kids at my school because of my perceived lack of interest in girls, and pretty much my only friends were male. I was so miserable after this that I was ready to switch schools after 8th grade.
Starting in 9th grade I was happy to be away from my previous school and glad that I was reunited with some of my primary school friends. I did start to notice girls more and my most serious crushes (with girls) started about this time. My orientation wasn't an issue for me still at this time, but I figured that I was straight even though some guys at my previous school felt that I wasn't.
I didn't have much luck with girls still until 11th grade when I finally met a girl that liked me. I didn't really persue her and it was an easy thing for me to try to hook up with her since I was still incredibly shy and lacked confidence. Eventually, I ended up kissing her (which I did enjoy) and it was also my first kiss. After that we fooled around several times in bed and eventually tried to have sex. Now, at this time I was still very much into pornography and I think in my mind, I pictured sex as something like a pornstar. The first and only time I tried to have sex (in my life) was with this girl and it was incredibly awkward and our time together ended up in complete frustration for me. I had a hard time ever talking to her after that day. I think that subconsciously I even gave up on the idea of sex ever again.
I hooked up with 3 girls the next 3 years after that, but I only ended up kissing just 1 of them. I was too scared to even kiss the other 2. Again, they were all "easy" for me to hook up with and they didn't require much effort. After that 3rd girl (around 1999), I was so depressed that I even gave up on the idea of dating girls altogether and I pretty much solely focused on playing video games and watching pornography. I think that I only even tried to date just 2 girls all the way until 2013.
So, I basically haven't even tried to kiss anyone at all since 1998 or so. I've had a lot of my high school friends and former coworkers even wonder if I might be gay since I didn't seem to show much of an interest in girls at all. I still didn't think I was gay even though I pretty much spent all of my time at a friends (male) house playing video games and smoking weed from 2001-2005 or so. I was so depressed that I even completely neglected my family during these years.
I had a job at a christian bookstore from 2006-2013 and during this time I stopped smoking weed and was able to reconnect with some of my family during this time. But I still pretty much stayed at home and basically spent all of my time playing video games and watching porn.
After I lost my job in 2013, I was then living on my own and decided to "figure out my sexuality" through porn. Pretty much all I did during this time was watch all the porn that I could and played video games. I started out watching just porn with girls in it. For me, I didn't even like like to watch "straight" porn with the presence of a man in it. I had watched gay porn before and I liked it a little bit, but preferred straight porn. Eventually, I started getting bored with just watching porn with girls in it and started watching Transsexual women porn (I know that the term "Shemale" is offensive to some) . This was probably the porn that I have watched most the last 2 years of my life. One thing led to the next and eventually this led to "sissy" porn (where you are the girl and pleasure a man) and hypnosis, and then to complete feminization hypnosis, and finally gay porn and forced bi and gay hypnosis. I found myself watching all of this porn and listening to hypnosis files when I eventually found my now present day job in July of 2014.
When I first started at my current job, I noticed the abundance of attractive women that I now worked with. I was still extremely shy and my feelings towards them were pretty numb since I had watched so much porn before that. I was still regularly listening to audio hypnosis files which were mainly feminization and forced bi/gay files. As time has gone on, I have had plenty of good days and bad days but I have noticed that my confidence with women has increased dramatically. I even started listening to confidence with women subliminal hypnosis files. I can honestly say that for the first time in my life, I have some confidence with women.
Now in the present, I stopped playing video games regularly in January and as of November 17th, I completely got rid of all pornography from my life. I can honestly say that pornography has been the worst thing that I've done with my life since it is a poor substitute for love, companionship, and relationships.
All I want is to find a girlfriend or boyfriend in my life. I would prefer a girl over a boy, but I am still confused.
Ok, so most of my crushes have been girls and I have had sexual fantasies toward girls but they haven't been very often or vivid for me. Most of my sexual fantasies as of right now are getting f***ed by guys. I assume that this is from the porn because I don't check out guys in public hardly at all. I don't regularly check out girls, but I do very much like to look at girls. I also feel more romantically attracted to girls, but I don't have much of a desire to have sex with them. I'm just afraid that the hypnosis files that I listened to have completely changed my sexuality to completely gay. I also don't want to try experimenting with guys until I've completely explored my feelings with girls.
I have been seeing a therapist too since probably July. I started going because I felt lonely, socially isolated, and depressed. I do feel better now than when I started.

I basically signed up today because I have taken too many sexual orientation tests online to count and I just want to know what people think about my sexuality. I still feel attracted to girls, but right now my primary sexual fantasies are being dominated and f***ed by guys. Thank you to the brave souls that read my novel :lol:.