So I had to take pictures off my phone to make room for more and there were hundreds of pictures of my ex and I us all as a family. It's been seven months since we split. I know it's for the best but I love her and her daughter, she was my first and only relationship with a woman and the main reason we didn't work out was because she wanted to be "out" more than I can be --- so where does this leave me for future relationships? I'd really like to have someone in my life. I guess I'm just lonely and really feeling it during the holidays .
I'm sorry you are feeling blue. The holidays pretty much suck. Can you see yourself feeling comfortable dating a woman in the future? If not, but you WANT to be, I recommend getting gay friends and going to counseling. Being bi and/or gay is just what it is. Not something you can change, and not something people in the US have to hide anymore, even if it's not easy coming out.
Most definitely would like to be with a woman again. Actually I can't see myself with a man. I have gay friends that's never really been an issue with me. It's a work issue, where I work I can't be gay, it's run through a church and they have their rules -- there are several things that are part of me that they don't (allow) at my work. Why do I work someplace that doesn't allow me to be completely myself,??? it's complicated...
Can you be gay in your homelife but closeted in your work life? Either way I would start thinking up an exit strategy from that job. Even if it means taking a few years (saving up, doing a job search, gaining new skills), it will be worth it. If you don't want to date men in the future, then being out is your only option for a relationship. And almost NO job is worth sacrificing that for.
Yes I'm sure I could be out only at home with my children and close friends. That is how things were with my ex. It just never was enough for her, she went back with her ex,even though there were a hundred things that didn't work with the two of them. She could be totally open about the relationship in every area of her life with her and that seemed to be the most important thing. I really don't understand.
Hmm, well you seem to be in a difficult situation of either finding a job where you can be out or finding a partner who doesn't mind partial hiding. I'm not sure which is easier. I personally would probably try and find a different job, because I've had a lot of jobs but only really met two people I thought I could spend a life with. But I don't know your full situation; for some people a job is absolutely the hardest thing to find. It would be that way for my brother, for example.
Well I teach and it's not so much the job as far as the location and staff goes . It is much more an issue of loosing the relationships with my students and their family's - I have spent 17 years building up respect of parents in this area and people here in the Bible Belt just do not have the mind set of exceptance of difference. My oldest son and my daughter have suffered through bullying and rejection (he is pan and she is bi). I lost friends that had children that I practically raised because they suspected the relationship with my ex. I've had students that ended up living with me for a time because they were kicked out by their family when they came out. It's just a very close minded area. I really do not understand why people think that because I'm attracted to women it means I want to sleep with children I don't understand the connection?? Teaching is a huge part of who I am and who I have been ... So now I've found myself at a place in my life where I've realized I'm gay and the two don't seem to work together at all. What do I do with that ???
Jeez, that's tough. I'm very sorry to hear that. I guess I hear about places like that but I forget they still really do exist (I've lived in almost painfully liberal places for the last 15 years). Although now that sounds like a bigger problem. You'd said you only have to hide at your job, but it sounds like more than that, as you are part of the community in your professional capacity. Can you find a non-church teaching job and come out and just say FUCK 'EM? Would you really lose 17 years of good works for that? Or would important things survive? If your kids are queer too, I would think it would be even more important to live out. As a last resort: maybe a move is in order, if your kids are being bullied too? Kids are cruel everywhere, but in a bigger or more liberal place, people might be more likely to ignore it. The good part about that last ditch option is that it can potentially be done AFTER the first option.
Thanks for talking to me - it's amazing to get all these thoughts out of my head and to have someone respond ---------- Post added 19th Dec 2015 at 09:47 PM ---------- My kids are most important and I hadn't thought about how me being half in the closet affects them. I'll talk to my daughter she'll tell me straight up we talk very freely .... She is leaving soon off to be a grown up they all want to finish out what they have going on here. I have great things happening with my teaching !! You know if I was straight my work and who I want to sleep with would be completely seperate but I'm gay and it's all encompassing
I'm so far in the closet and into Narnia that I expect to meet a talking animal any minute. :lol: OK, maybe it's not that bad... I think in an ideal world we could all be 100% out, and all would be hunky-dory. But the last time I checked, we don't live in an ideal world. Indeed, to a degree, I sometimes go a little crazy with the mentality of coming out to anyone and everyone. I respect those who find this important, mind you, but I also don't see it as necessarily a goal to embraced by everyone at this point in history. Because there can still be a huge price to pay in other parts of one's life, such as working in a field where they are clearly "called". I have no idea at this point how "out" I'll ever be. I don't see myself screaming it from the rooftop; however, I'd like to be in a position where I can be fully out in the sense of not caring who finds out. Particularly if I ever end up dating, I don't want to keep the dating relationship a secret. (Although my bias would be to just say: "Herkimer is my boyfriend." Not to scream: "I'm gay!") My expectation for this hypothetical boyfriend? I don't think I'd care if he's out at work. I don't think I'd care if I never got invited to the office party. (Actually, as a strong introvert, I'd probably be just as happy passing on the party. Indeed, I might beg him: "You know, maybe you'd better stay in the closet another year at Acme!" While thinking with luck, I won't have to attend that :***: party this year!). But in his private life, he had damn well better acknowledge who I am with family and friends. Calling me a "roommate" won't cut it--that's so 1980. (Some flexibility is available for things like the 99 year old grandmother who'd die at the news, of course.)
My last and only relationship with a women was much like what you discribed. I was very much out with my close friends and family and there were a few people that knew that were not connected to my teaching. When it came to work she was discribed as family I mostly just didn't go into detail but I never never denied her importance in my life. How ever it just wasn't enough for her. She ended up cheating on me with her ex who is very open. So the question I'm putting out there is is there someone who's is in the same place as me as could I find love and happiness - keeping my love life quiet at work. Are there others that would be happy living with one foot in the closet - is that a horrible thing to ask??? It is true that because of my connection in the community that it may be a little more than "just work" the I'd be closeted ..... I really wish I could just love who I love and peruse who I'm attracted to.
