Hi I am new to this but needed somewhere where I can say exactly how I am feeling. After a few drinks I told a friend last night that I thought I was gay, she was great and flattered that I felt able to tell her. I am in my 40's have never married and have no children. If I am totally honest with myself, (which I feel I am now starting to be) I have always known I felt attracted to women. Have had some short relationships with men but I never felt totally comfortable with them. I have several gay friends but have never had a same sex experience. What do I do now? Part of me feels I have started something by telling someone that will become out my control, despite trusting this person. And I want to take it all back. Another part of me feels relieved and like a weight is off my shoulders having finally told someone. And now maybe even able to talk it through properly, rather than the internal dialogue continually going around my head. I occasionally see a therapist to discuss other issues in my life but have never been able to discuss my sexuality with him despite being able to open up about everything else. I intend to whenever I have an appointment but then start discussing work issues etc. I don't know why this is as I have discussed many other personal issues with him(he is gay himself). Its daft but its almost as if I am embarrassed I haven't said anything sooner. I am still very much confused but cannot stop thinking about it. Will friends think I have been lying to them for years (nowhere near ready to even think about discussing this with family) pretending to be something I am not. Apologies if this is a bit rambling its difficult to say clearly how I feel.
Welcome. Your therapist would be a good place to start, assuming you feel comfortable discussing your sexuality with him. It won't come out easily, probably because you're in the habit of comfortably discussing your work but not your sexuality, but you can try making a special point of bringing it up with him. As for what your friends will think, I don't know. I've wondered the same thing myself. But at the very least, welcome, and good luck to you.
Welcome. It's PERFECTLY OK that it's taken you this long to start coming out to yourself. The world is weird and we are just doing our best. If you can, tell your therapist. Tell a few other friends you trust. It will get easier and easier. Then go find a girl to love. It's not too late. You've got nothing holding you down or pulling you back (like marriage or kids or money). You've only got freedom now.
^^ That. You took a wonderful first step by sharing with a trusted friend. You don't need to stop there. Continue to walk forward, on your authentic path. I'm learning that doing so feels better than the alternative. (*hug*)
Thank you for your comments and support! I think I need a few days to get over actually telling someone! and then decide where I go next I have a therapy session booked for the new year so maybe that's where I need to discuss the next step.
I agree with Cap, it might be better to discover this about yourself when you are unattached, rather than, as in some of our cases, married, and/or with kids! Have fun finding out more about who you are! I don't think you need to be in a big rush to tell everyone. Just do so as/when/if you feel comfortable! Maybe the one friend is the only person you need to tell right now!!
