I know I am just starting this journey and it's a long one but how do I be kind and patient with myself when I am so sad and angry at once? I hate myself for starting the conversation with my husband now, and sad I am questioning my sexuality at this point in my life. I am just filled with negativity right now and don't know how to take care of myself. I feel lost.
Hi there. You do it like the rest of us. One step at a time. Come into the later in life forum and see how many of us are in similar situations. You'll get there
Welcome to your path and EC, there are many of us here on all different stages of our journeys willing to offer you our insights and hugs. Sounds like you are now on the first step of learning to take care of yourself. I am a huge fan of keeping a journal on line and trying to meditate for at least 10 minutes each morning. There is beauty everywhere, take a moment and try and find the positive that exists even in the darkest room. - J
Try to take time to breathe. The positive thing about questioning everything in your life, is that when you put the pieces back together, they represent who you really are.
I know those feelings well. One thing that's helping is letting those emotions in... Sounds strange, but it's true. Can you get time to yourself to do some real crying? It's helping me unpack the feelings and figure out their source. It's starting to help me see what it is I want.
I read your earlier post where you detailed your story. So many of us have the exact same story. Torn between the responsibility of children and the need, not the desire, but the need to feel wanted and loved. That's not something to feel guilty about. I doubt that need just popped up recently. Nor will it disappear by forcing down the emotions. For me, its moving on two parallel tracks. Not necessarily cheating, but understanding you need to care for both your children and yourself. I do regret, as you said, starting the conversation with my spouse. They may be hurt. Disappointed. Angry. But I'm not sure they will ever understand. So, I guess what I'm trying to say is the emotions you are experiencing now are totally human. It's very very difficult. But working out what is best for your family AND you is going to take time. Wishing all of this never happened won't help. I do wish you all the love and happiness you seek. And deserve. Take care.
Hey welcome to EC, I am sure a lot of us at least partly understand how you feel. When you first start questioning it can feel overwhelming and it can seem like you have an insurmountable number of things in front of you. The negativity is part of coming out especially often if it is later in life. Try and look at the positives, and take it one step at a time. Everyone is here to help you.
You started this process because you reached a point where not being your true self was no longer an option. That takes so much strength and courage, and is (to quote 98 Degrees, naturally) quite possibly the hardest thing you'll ever have to do. But reading all the stories around here, I'm confident in saying that everybody seems to come out as the best version of themselves on the other side of the rainbow.
That is an incredibly powerful statement! I don't have any words of wisdom MayButterfly but I do wish you the best. Knowing ourselves is truly difficult.
We all have to be honest with ourselves and be who we genuinely need to be. It us rough sometimes but I for one don't want to wake up one morning and be on my death bed knowing I never lived my life as my true self. I 51 and beginning a path of transitioning from female to make. Struggling to figure out how this will work for me, my wife, and my family. I want to be a whole person.
Thank you everyone. I agree, CameOutSwinging, I did reach a point where not being my true self was no longer an option. So beautifully worded though I didn't realize I was not being my true self!!! I have been lurking. It's been a rough couple weeks. I told my husband I had fallen out of love with him and he kept begging me to give him another chance, that after 18 years together and two kids who will be devastated, how can I just give up? Then I spent a night away because he was smothering me and wouldn't leave me alone and I cried and wrote pages and pages. Then as soon . As I return he asks what did I decide and I said I thought I was gay and he said no, I can't just suddenly develop these feelings I must be bi and we can talk to a therapist and "fix it" so that I can fall in love with him again. Then yesterday he went on and on about the house and we can't move out of the district and blah blah and it pissed me off! He hadn't listened to a word I said! Then I said that I need to put myself first to be a better mother and he looked at me like I had three heads! Then he begged me to talk to a therapist to see "where we are at" and to live amicably in the house "for awhile." I can't just walk out, rather I don't want to be so cruel, but I also fear that I can't stay because I am so unhappy and will just become more miserable as time goes on and it will be harder to leave. I do not want to try and rekindle with him. I just don't see him being able to fully make me happy anymore.
I'm sorry you're having such a hard time of this. One bright spot I see is that your husband suggested therapy for you two. I wonder if finding a therapist who could work with you both together and/or separately to navigate a separation while helping him come to understand and accept you as gay and helping you not to feel guilty about it, either. You can agree you want to "fix" things but a therapist could help clarify what kind of "fix" will work for you two. Even if it's not what your husband imagines it to be.
