LOL, I think you should be even *more* inspired by the silence! If things were crappy and tumultuous, do you think she'd be away this long?
Hey guys! :smilewave I'm flattered that you're thinking of me! I am still lurking Just not posting as much as I haven't had a ton of time on my hands. Baby Daddy and I have been looking at apartments. We are moving soon. My goal is to be living apart by February 1st. I've already spoken to my mom, and she's going to come out for a few months to help me and the girls with the transition. I'd be lying if I said it wasn't at least a little sad. I know it's for the best, and I know I do NOT want to be in the marriage, at all -- but we've been married for almost 11 years now, and we have the two kids, so of course it's going to be difficult. Walking around these cold, vacant apartments has a way of getting you down. We cannot file for separation until we are living apart, which is so very frustrating, because once we actually file for separation, we have to wait a year before the divorce is final. We are still amicable but I think we thought it was going to be a lot easier than it's turned out to be. We are both ready to just be completely done, and to move on to the next phase of our lives. I think that, living together, we both feel like we are trapped. So hopefully that will change soon. Baby Daddy and I had mediation again the other day, and I was really surprised by what came out. We were talking custody, and it seems that he wants me to put ON PAPER that he will have 50% custody, but he also wants me to know that he won't be able to take them very much during the week because of work. And he doesn't want them every weekend. So, basically, he wants me to lie, and then be a completely alone, single mom. I understand that his work is very important and that he does have to work a lot, but I told him that I'm not his wife anymore so it's not my responsibility to support his career. He's going to have to figure it out. He's such a good, involved dad, so I was really surprised by this. I thought I was going to have the opposite problem. We talked it out and I think we are on good terms, but I do foresee it becoming a problem again. So that's been stressful. Especially because I don't work a 9am-5pm job, and I do also go to school. I'm going to need help, and I'm really afraid that I'm not going to get as much as I was expecting. I've been working my ass off trying to get some money and hopefully get some sort of promotion at work. I've been taking everyone's shifts. And it's the holidays so a lot of those shifts have been like, 5pm-1am. Then I drive 45 minutes home. So I've been getting to bed, at best, around 2 or 2:30am, and then waking up with my girls at 5:30am. I'm exhausted, but things should slow down a little bit soon. Now for the good stuff--my new relationship. Incredible. Phenomenal. She is the most amazing woman . . . ugh, you guys. We just click. This could end up being a really good thing, or I could end up being really, really hurt, but she seems to feel exactly the same way that I do, and it feels so natural and right. She's been hurt a lot in the past, so she's a bit apprehensive as well, but we've been navigating through that together. I'm completely vulnerable right now, and to me it's worth the risk. There's so much to learn about her. We spend hours on her couch, laying on each other, talking and joking and kissing and touching. There's this level of comfort that seems a bit unreal--I mean, I JUST met her. And it's just like, guys, THIS IS WHAT everyone's talking about! This is how it should feel. I've never felt this before. My relationships were always just so forced, and I thought that was my problem. I've never felt something like this--so if it all crumbles, at least I know that I have it in me. I've always been pretty distant in my relationships. Always felt like I shouldn't really have to do any of the work. Now I find myself driving from work to her house just to kiss her goodnight, which turns into a few hours of trying to get back out the door I find myself thinking of things I could say or do to make her feel better after she's had a long day, and openly sharing with her how I feel. My life has never been in such shambles, such utter chaos. I have no idea what's happening or what tomorrow is going to look like or where I am going to be in a week or a month, but I haven't been this happy in a very, very long time. I must be going mad. Okay, well, that's where I'm at. And I know how crazy it sounds But I don't really care. I'm completely smitten.
Hold the line with your husband. Don't sign anything that makes you uncomfortable. You are right that it's not your job to support his career. He can get a fucking nanny or have his mom move back home. I'm serious as shit here. Don't sign up for lesbian purgatory.
I would like to officially retract these words. Perhaps I could eat them with a little Sriracha? Mellie, hon...egad...exactly what the Cap'n said...and just as seriously! There is NO reason to lie for him. Never sign anything that makes you uncomfortable. On the relationship, *well done you*! You are correct that you are vulnerable (love does that to us in any case). But you are also correct that you are learning valuable things about yourself and about relationships, so that even if this would happen to end in pain (which we all sincerely hope is not the case), you'll have gained from it. And what's even better? You are aware of all of this. Oh, so happy for you! Stay strong, dear, and keep on. There's a bright future out there!
Sigh. I remember it well. When I met my wife, I felt like I had been hit by a mack truck. I had NO idea that I could feel this way. That anyone could feel this way. This actually exists? It was a revelation. I'm SO glad to hear that you are finding it too! It means that you are on the right track, my friend. So happy for you! (*hug*)
Oh Mellie, so glad you are still lurking! You are going through tons of stuff, plus work, school, kids, holidays.. Regarding separation - I am not an expert, but seems like you are on the right track, and most importantly know what you want for the outcome. Just like Cap said - only sign what you are totally comfortable with. As for the cold apartments - once you get your stuff in, I guarantee it will be 100% turnaround. Even when you travel and stay at the hotel, once you open your suitcase and bags the room becomes your own. Plus, this is a great excuse to get your own stuff, the way You want it and host your own movie night As for your newly found love, this sounds soooo good I am tempted to say this: all changes you are dealing with - only if you can stay sane and not overly sensitive then keep going. She sounds really awesome for you, so take it carefully, develop true friendship and shield the romance from all the noise happening, save it for calmer future (I hope it comes sooner for you). This is my elaboration for the moment, so don't pay too much attention - I know we all do what feels right or logical to us. Thx for ur update, you go girl!
