...but how long does this take? I know I'm just barely out, but how long does it take to become a well-adjusted adult who just happens to be gay? Instead of an adult who looks peachy on the outside but has this hidden turmoil and deep immaturity on the inside? I'm sure it takes your average teenager about, I don't know, eight or ten years to make their full adjustments, but frankly, I don't have that kind of time.
You make decisions every day that affect how comfortable and safe you feel. It doesn't happen all at once. You choose the speed at which you want to move forward. You evaluate the risks, the reward and even the consequences. What small thing will you do today to move one step ahead on your journey? Maybe thinking about where you want to be living in a few years. Maybe thinking about your finances. We all need to do little things to move forward. Doesn't matter if you're straight or gay. We just have something to look forward to that straight people don't. Remember, something each day. Even reaffirming your feelings. Oh yea, you'll something for tomorrow too. Take care.
It truly is just a day at a time. Take time each day to love yourself, nourish, stretch, breathe, exercise - whatever you need to do to love yourself. There is no timeline but as my 89 y/o MIL will tell you, everyone has an expiration date so get on with your adventure. Be well - J
I agree that sometimes just the little things each day help to make things easier. Some of those things vary by situation, of course. For myself, I work 70 hours a week now to keep my finances in order as a single parent. I make sure I eat 3 meals a day, whereas before I could go days without eating. I do my best to exercise at least 4-6 times a week. All these things add up to build your confidence, self-esteem and overall health in general. Oh yeah.......and taking those few moments to really soak in the beauty of a hot guy that may pass by you.
I needed that. I think the most aggravating part of working through my second adolescence is dealing with relational immaturity. It feels like I'm constantly whipsawing between being a mature 30-year-old and being an eager-but-naive eighth grader. Rightly or wrongly, I'm worried that it's putting at least some strain on what relationships I do have. It makes me feel more than a little resentful. That said, though, I have been taking positive steps like you have. I have been keeping a better watch on my budget, I have been making sure to get my five servings of fruit and veg a day, I make myself go to the gym three times a week, and so on. I do feel a bit healthier and more confident, but there are still roadblocks. One day at a time, I guess......
Well I guess I got a leg up because I don't fluctuate much on maturity. I've ALWAYS been rather off-kilter. I have a very warped sense of humor and try not to take things too seriously. I do go to work everyday and I take care of what needs to be, but I still feel like I should be a lot younger than my age suggests. Youthful spirit I guess.
Personally I like being a teen again re my new orientation - I mean to start from the beginning - On the other hand I'm still 42 and I don't fear that it will take me 10 yrs to grow into adult gay women --- Sure it will evolve just how it is supposed to for you -- Enjoy
My Journey of coming out started in the fall of 2012. While you are asking about when the immaturity subsides, I would otherwise be asking about how long it takes to be comfortable in your own skin. As when you are comfortable, thats when you evolve to a more mature level of being out and leading your life as a gay man. For me, over the past year, my attention and emotions have shifted away from questioning for myself what it means to be gay (and all the attributes associated with it including sexuality, attraction, friends, professional implications, etc), and more towards broader family, relationship and what should I be doing with the rest of my life type considerations. As you have asked the question, it has caused me to think about the timing for myself where I no longer considered myself in the adolescent phase of coming out. And I believe I began transitioning away from such adolescence after about 2 years give or take - and definitely within the last 6 to 8 months for sure. I no longer feel awkward being gay, trying to find my way as an adolescent does. I am feeling confident and proud. I know whom I am and I am comfortable with that. What a journey it has been and continues to be!
So true! I think we all get bogged down from time to time, sometimes because of apprehension, sometimes because of lethargy. Thanks for giving me a kick in the butt — I need to get moving! ---------- Post added 22nd Dec 2015 at 10:19 AM ---------- Again, very well put. My own journey started a year after yours, but I think I too am emerging from my gay adolescence. It's been a year and a half since I actually came out.
I don't have a lot more to add, other than you'll complete the journey on your own timeline. Given where you live, this will probably take longer than you want since it's been challenging meeting guys if I remember correctly. It's more important to identify and focus on doing the things required to get over the inner turmoil. It's OK to keep some of the immaturity
ConsciousRose:"Personally I like being a teen again re my new On the other hand I'm still 42 and I don't fear that it will take me 10 yrs to grow into adult gay women." What a wonderful outlook! (I hope you do it in 5!)
