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The grass isn't always greener--

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by crazydog15, Dec 27, 2015.

  1. crazydog15

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    I'm going to turn that into a mantra.

    I've got a friend whose life seems absolutely perfect, exactly what I want (enough money to do what he wants, travel, lots of friends, good relationship, etc.), and you know what, maybe his life really is what I'd call perfect. But I have to keep reminding myself that just because his life seems awesome, it might not actually be. Maybe he's got his own fucked up problems and they're all very, very carefully hidden behind this façade of having it all; I don't know. But I have to somehow keep reminding myself, even if I had his seemingly wonderful life, I might not necessarily be any happier.

    But it is a nice thought.
     
  2. Steve FS

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    I had a friend that seemed to be perfect with everything. He had the beautiful girl, the nice job (with a high chance of turning into a millionaire in the next year), the nice car, the straight life, tall and white, blue eyes. Just the perfect guy.

    Turns out, he dealt with immense confidence issues. He was the bottom of the totem pole at his work, his girlfriend actually lived in another country, and he has no close friends because everyone is intimidated by him.

    The grass is definitely not greener on the other side.
     
  3. OnTheHighway

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    I don't see any need to compare myself to others; rather simply to focus on my own life. Prior to coming out, I was playing that game just as much as the next person. But the journey I have been on has made me realize that the only priority is myself and the life I am living today along with my own future as it fits me. There is no room for what might have been or would could otherwise be based on others. May the grass be greener, possibly, but I don't care. I will deal with the and I was dealt.
     
  4. crazydog15

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    Come on, that doesn't sound like much fun. :lol:

    Anyway, I don't even want to say this above a whisper, if at all, but I'm concerned that the real reason I envy the guy so much is that I might still be attracted to him. I thought all that was over years ago, but he's a nice guy, and good-looking enough. I've asked myself recently if I'm still attracted to him, and it's been practically unthinkable. As in, I have a mental block to thinking about it. And that makes me a little concerned that yes, I still like him. I remember way back, when I was much deeper in the closet, I "envied" a lot of guys when I wouldn't let myself think that they were hot or something. This could be it...
     
    #4 crazydog15, Dec 28, 2015
    Last edited: Dec 28, 2015
  5. OnTheHighway

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    Ah, now it sounds like your getting to the crust of the issue......
     
  6. crazydog15

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    Yeah, it's the classic major-crush-on-your-straight-best-friend dilemma, and I really don't like the only known remedy...
     
  7. OnTheHighway

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    Well, don't be surprised I you limited your ability to meet others while having held off on finding the remedy!
     
  8. Julietta

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    Some people have great lives. They feel confident, happy, well adjusted, able to deal with problems, have a good network of supportive friends, and healthy loving family members. I am not one of them. But two things - first of all, no matter what someone else has, whether it's great emotional wellbeing or a million dollars in the bank or an amazing career, you cannot have it. It's theirs. Period. Jealousy is such an ugly personality trait. Not saying you are jealous but some people are, it's an emotion I find hard to relate to. Second of all, you cannot know what someone is feeling inside just because they look competent and fulfilled. There's a 12-Step mantra that goes 'never judge your insides by someone else's outsides'. I think this is a wise philosophy. You never know what someone might be going through. Or they might not. They might be joyfully happy but hey what's the point of dwelling on that either? We all have to carve our own path in this life.