Coming out bi to family while married. Advice? Your own experience?

Well, let me ask you something - why do you want to come out in your situation? Your husband knows, you don't want to leave marriage or make any other life changing decisions. You know who you are, you have made a choice to be with your husband, nobody else needs to know of your sexual preferences..but it's just my opinion. Im also bisexual, but I keep this information to myself, mainly because I have already chosen my life partner and nobody cares of I like women too. I am sometimes sad that the only way for me to be with a woman is to cheat on my husband which is so wrong..But that's a different subject.

 

Honestly, if it were me, I would just respond when/if they say something that is offensive. Like "Well, I'm actually bisexual, and that's pretty offensive to me."

 

I've just started responding as if people know that I'm bisexual when possible. Since my family is pretty progressive, it doesn't really come up in a hurtful way, but if the guys are talking about female celebrities, I might chime in.

 

You could try Facebook? I don't do Facebook but a lot of people seem to do this.

 

Bunny45
Your story is horrible, I am so sorry you had to go through all that..I understand why it is important for you to come out. I hope you will feel better once you do it. For me (but my background and upbringing is different) the most important thing was admitting to myself - yes, pretty little catholic a-grades student with post card family life is NOT STRAIGHT. I don't need anyone else to know, I need me to aknowledge that and not faint Still working on it though..

 

I'm so sorry for what's happened in your past. I hope that you can find some peace with it.

I have not had such trauma and my family is supportive but I also have come to believe it's important for me to come out as bi and married. This in particular ftom what you said feels much like my feelings:

***To me I does matter, even though I chose a guy, I'm not straight. That is a part of who I am and it changes the way I see the world. I want to come out, not so people know who I would like to have sex with, but because it's a part of me I want to be proud of. ***

I came out over email because I live overseas, far from my family so there really isn't much opportunity to talk about serious stuff with them. Writing it out gave me quite a nice chance to say everything I was feeling and to sort through my thoughts. I recommend writing out what you want to say regardless of how you want to deliver the message. It really does make it easier to talk about why it's so important to you to share with your family.

I also recommend starting with the most supportive people to the least, to give you the confidence to broach the subject with those you're scared to talk to. Each time you come out to another family member you will hopefully feel more strong.

Best of luck to you. Sending warm hugs and strength to you!(*hug*)

 

As kind of an aside to this, I struggle with the idea of formally coming out. (This is an ongoing conversation between my trans friend, his (he prefers male pronouns) wife, my bff who is also bi, and me. )

I feel guilty not doing it, because I know that the more people who are out, the faster public opinion changes. This makes it especially important to be out to people who might not be totally supportive, because it can help change their minds.

I also feel uncomfortable making an announcement right now, because I worry about the scrutiny it will put my marriage under and the inappropriate questions we are likely to get. I wonder if it is worth the headache and trouble when nothing visible has changed. I know my husband would rather we not tell our parents.

So for the moment, and I reserve the right to change my mind even within the body of this post, I'm making no announcement, but being much more vocal as an 'ally', and adding in my own comments about women I find attractive. At some point, should my situation change, I've already decided to tell more people directly, before I would start dating.

At this point, all of my closest friends know, and to me, my sex life isn't anyone else's business. But I might change my mind on all of that tomorrow.

 

I am only telling non-mutual friends at this point. So my life is pretty fragmented at the moment.

 

I just came across this thread and this is exactly how I feel. Especially around other LGBT people, as sometimes I feel like I'm kind of lying by omission. I find I stop myself from saying things too and I'm not really sure why. I think its hard as everyone just assumes you are straight.

Anyway I'm working on being a bit more open about it and telling the friends I have who don't know.

 

What were you thinking of saying on Facebook? Does seem an easy way to tell everyone at once. Let me know how it goes? I worry that some straight friends might not get it, if you know what I mean? Sometimes, telling people in the past I have ended up feeling like I have to justify myself. Good luck! And if anyone does have a bad reaction that is their own prejudice and their problem!