I just came out of a 7 year relationship. I changed a lot during that time, soon much. Oh my god. The dynamic I had with my ex was that I was much more femme, though she did not identify as butch. She was very androgynous. I definitely enjoy being girly, but not always. I'd like to explore my own androgyny and feel free to now that I am single again. I like the dynamic with more masculine women, I feel really safe sexually. But I am more attracted physically to femme women. I'm scared of them though, from bad memories growing of mean girls. I feel like they will judge me more harshly. I also feel like I am too old to try. Like, just stop. I worry that I will look ridiculous and old if I try. I know the only way around that is to just do it. I hate that impostor feeling. I felt like I was pretending to be lesbian for most of my life. But I am! Hmm, not really sure what the point of this is. It's just what is on my mind.
Why would being more andro make you look old or ridiculous? I mean, maybe if you suddenly start dressing like Justin Bieber circa 2010, but you don't need to do that. Maybe follow some style websites/blogs for inspiration? To me, andro style on women means a lot of clean lines, more neutral colours, pants, shirts, blazers, etc. You can rock those things at any age.
I think you just need to do what makes you feel good about yourself. Maybe it's androgynous for a while with a dress day thrown in once in a while or whatever. But if you feel good about yourself, others will pick up on it and be attracted to you when you're being the you you want to be. You're not too old to try. These are just clothes, right? If you don't feel comfortable jumping right into a new style, introduce subtle changes until you feel comfortable doing more. You can always go back if you want to. These things aren't irreversible.
Yes, thank you. I just remembered where my hesitation comes from. Man, I've talked to some mean ass lesbians in my life! Anyway, I was talking to one about this very issues, but it was 7 years ago when I was first really REALLY coming out, and her response was "what a stupid thing to say." I guess that lodged a little somewhere in my head.
I would say just be "yourself" however way you feel is you coz everyone's definitions or ideas are different anyway... I tried to comply with the stereotypes before because I was tired of people mistaken me as a butch, so I grew my hair longer and such. Also when I was with my ex, she was a total butch, where I was always more andro, I felt the need to be a little more girly so I changed myself for her as well...Finally I cut my hair back to short, and everyone told me it is more "me"...I think people can tell too just by how you really feel... So, just be yourself, and you will be fine! Good luck! Happy New Year!
