Finding satisfaction where you are

My style of life might not be the best yardstick by any means, but it's a way of life to me.

I've been in the closet for years now. Although I'm working on my plan to get out of my parents' house and create a life for myself, I have to face reality that I won't be going anywhere for the next year or two possibly. I've learnt to compress my sexuality and wear a mask in public. No one suspects anything and I let is happen that way. One way I find satisfaction is thinking strongly that the situation I'm in is not permanent. I will find a happy place and a happy life for myself. That gives me a positive outlook and a courage to work towards my goals. It's not much, but it's enough for me.

My two cents worth.

 

This is a question I am wondering myself right now! Sorry I don't have an answer, but I'd love to hear what others have to say! I also feel that I am on a path to get where I want to go, both career-wise and also with trying to get out to start dating women for the first time, but it has taken years to get to this point and I know it will take more time to get where I want to go, and I really want to be happier day-to-day where I am now.

 

So am I understanding this right ... You want to know how to be happy in a life that's not happy ??

 

Set achievable small short term goals that you can act as baby steps towards your broader longer term life goals. As you achieve those goals, I would bet you will be satisfied with each one.

 

I have truly found satisfaction where I am. I am free to pursue whatever relationships I might like because I am single. However, I love three different people A LOT, none of whom is available to me as a partner at this time for different reasons.

It's not ideal, but I still have them as special friends and have no desire to go out seeking someone else to fall in love with and have sex with because I'm very happy with myself and with my life.

If I were younger, let's say between 20 and 50, I might feel differently.

There's so much to enjoy in life besides one relationship. So for now, just cultivate friendships, family ties, hobbies, grow professionally, save money and build character.

For those who are younger and free to choose that special someone... if you love someone, go for it. Do not remain quiet about your feelings; let them know. Do not hold back.

But for those who are kind of stuck in a situation, make the best of it... because one of the most predictable things in life is things WILL change. Circumstances, people, life, YOU will change. You won't always be where you are today.

 

I agree with this! Also, do things that you enjoy, even if it's alone, closeted, whatever. I always try to find my own happiness, through myself. Since I seem to be stuck with myself, yeah? (!)

Also, see signature

 

I think this is a great question, and not one that is easy to answer. I think about this a lot, actually. My best guess is to first understand as many of the nooks and crannies of you self as you can--like pay attention to yourself and allow you self to "see" who you really are. Part of that is of course is your sexual.orientation, and for sure pay attention to that and explore that as much as possible, but we are more than that too. Quiet down enough to allow yourself to see and hear all of who you are. And then, as much as possible, get your life connected to who you are at your core. I'm talking about the stuff that you don't get to pick, the stuff that is your wiring, live your life in a way that honors that as much as you possibly can. I feel like I'm saying really vague things, but I think the concept is gold.

For me, slowing down enough to see and hear who I am includes things like yoga, meditation, and therapy. Therapy and mindfulness are how I figured out that I am gay. I'm sure there are other ways too. I think it is all about really listening to *anything* your core is putting out there for you.

Then theres the part aboUT honoring who you are as you figure out who you really are. The part of me that I'm most interested in honoring or connecting with is my sexual orientation. But apparently I'm not ready to be fully out, or to date. So I do things like fantasize--I'm allowing myself to fantasize without limits--creative, fun, interesting, new for me. I bought a book about lesbian sex. It's not like I couldnt think of how that might play out, but it has been a fun and interesting way to explore that feels safe and possible to me. Ive started reading kesbian erotica.I came out to my closest friends. I am paying attention to how *I* physically want to present myself with much less worry about what everyone wants from my physical appearance. These things really do feel meaningful to me. They contribute to me feeling more satisfied with where I am right now.

I am also experimenting with ways of keeping myself interested and engaged in yoga and meditation--kind of learning about myself and honoring who I am all at one time. And I'm experimenting with ways to manage adhd, but I'm doing it in a more kind and compassionate way than I have in the past. It feels pretty good too, even if it doesn't feel like "a solution" it at least feels like discovering what my limits *really*are.

Sorry for the block of text! I think about this soooooo much.

 

Coffee and energy drinks. Lots of coffee and energy drinks. Maybe a Benadryl here and there. Ok no overdosing on caffeine or benadryl won't help. Not a lot anyway. And it can be dangerous lol But on a serious note, one strategy could be to bury yourself in self improvement and short term goals. Sounds like you have the latter down. Now focus on the former. I feel exploring your interests and expanding your abilities is a great way to find contentment within yourself and build that ever so fleeting self esteem. It's a start. Grow and fortify yourself. Learn more about what makes you tick and what you want. The rest and everyone else can follow.