Does anyone else feel like they're continuously coming out to every audience? I think most people would assume I'm straight but then when it comes up in conversation, or they're introduced to my partner, I have to watch the slow realization on their face of putting it together. It feels like coming out all over again. At work when people ask what you're doing for the holiday and I reply "Oh I'm going to my partner's parents house" or "Kate and I are staying in". And then you watch the weird reactions most people have. The silence, or the aversion to eye contact, or like that awkward nod thing. But you know what doesn't happen? Normal flow of conversation. But I'm more likely just not recognizing when it continues as normal. My absolute worst was my Mom's funeral. Literally a procession line of people putting it together that I'm gay as I introduced them to my partner. Granted, many knew, and other people weren't as clearly awkward. But those who were visibly uncomfortable...I don't know...is sticks with me. I wish I cared less what people think, especially when it's based off of such mallarkey. Do others feel this way? How do you cope? Do you hide your status? My partner says she doesn't have to worry about it because "she comes out just by walking into the room" (by this she means people assume she's gay based on her appearance) so does anyone change their appearance for this reason?
Yes, it's annoying, and most of my friends/family don't know. Sometimes I wish there was a sign that everyone knew that could save everyone from the awkwardness. Not like a rainbow bracelet or piercing a certain ear, but something very obvious so that everyone would just know without all the distressing explanations. I'm realizing if I ever do come out 'for real' that it's not gonna be a once and done thing. It'll be an entire lifetime of annoyance/educating people. Unless I give myself a crew cut or wear keys on my belt, cargo shorts and Timberlands. Which I might do. I'm very, very close to doing this to just take away the doubt for anyone. I know it's a terrible stereotype which I shouldn't perpetuate, but I find myself more and more drawn to that kind of self-expression. I already do the keys and cargo shorts, to be honest... so yes I might be changing my appearance for this very reason, it's freeing to just embrace the stereotype. To just belong.
I'm not looking forward to this but thinking about it, I'm hoping that when we (the we of my dreams) are out and about, it will be obvious from how we are together. And any conversations regarding my status won't cause that surprised reaction. I'm not sure about when I'm alone. Mind you, I have pretty much I-don't-care-what-anyone-thinks attitude. Hopefully, that'll help. Condolences on your mother.
I know! I was thinking the same thing. If there was some sort of visual que so people could figure it out and have whatever reaction on their own before they are in a conversation with me. I thought about getting one of those rainbow car decals, atleast people from work could piece it together.... Don't worry about the stereotype, that is literally what my girlfriend wears on the daily. lol Although no keys on her belt...but yeah she always felt more a part of the community. Thanks for your replies! And @ Really - that's great. I have to igure out how to adopt a I don't care what anyone thinks attitude. It's always been my hang up. Fear of confrontation, failure, disapproval. blah blah blah
I don't really care what strangers think. The awkward silence when they find out, the weird looks they give you- it's all rather amusing for me tbh. My friends and family fortunately didn't make a fuss when they found out.
