Early on this journey after coming out to my wife in October, SHE brought up the idea of an open marriage. She has also mentioned it to our therapist (who strongly advises AGAINST such an arrangement). Does anyone have any experience in this realm ? Honestly at this point, I don't have the energy to even "look" for a guy. I'm still reeling from the loss of my best friend/lover 7 months ago and the ensuing, ever-present depression which incited my coming out.
My personal view, so long as both parties are in complete agreement with no hesitation, are also honest, transparent and trust one another, and appropriate ground rules have been established, then I do believe there should be nothing taboo towards an open relationship whether gay or straight. I do believe, however, getting all those conditions in alignment is very difficult. I also would add that trying to move from a closed relationship to an open one, where it was not open to begin with, also would prove very difficult.
I have experience, and I'm not in the right frame of mind to "enjoy" the open marriage. Perhaps like your wife, my husband suggested it in order to keep me around, yet keep me satisfied. This sounds good in theory, and some people can enjoy the thrill of it, and appreciate the expanded version of yourself you can be in it. For me it's not great, because I fell hard for the other woman. For you, it sounds like you don't really want to pursue it at this time, due to a terrible loss that you are grieving. That makes sense. But perhaps IF you met someone, and IF it felt right for you and your wife, it could be something you choose to do. It doesn't have to be long term or forever, but just something to explore.
The email listserv "Husbands Out to their Wives" (HOW) has dozens of men on it who are in open straight marriages. Each story is a bit different. You can find HOW by doing a web search.
Thanks CBA. I signed up for the listserve but honestly cannot figure out it works or how to interact. Insights ? ---------- Post added 11th Jan 2016 at 04:13 PM ---------- Disregard the previous post. I didn't follow the directions appropriately. Imagine that. This from the guy who often has to re-assemble some-assembly-required-items because I'm too damned impatient to read the instructions. Hmmm....
