A few weeks ago I triumphantly stated here that I was over my trigger crush. That was completely a delusion. I'm crazy about her...and she is being so nice to me (as a friend) because she knows it is hard to come out and leave a husband. :eusa_liar:eusa_liar:eusa_liar
Aw man, I know that feeling to a lesser extent. I was deeply infatuated with someone for the past few months, thought I was over them, and after seeing them again after break, I couldn't help myself. They're so kind and compassionate
And time! This is something I copied from the internet that has become something of a mantra for me: "[P]eople come into your life and change it forever, but it doesn't necessarily mean they are supposed to be in your life forever. People come into our lives and give us the opportunity to grow and learn."
Can understand how you feel entirely. It's hard for someone being dragged into this situation whether the married person, or the other man/wonan. It just makes you feel so demanding of everyone. I can hardly advise, but I know how you just feel.
Thank you everyone!! I have been off for a few days, so I have taken a bit to respond, but I do appreciate your kind words. I cannot stop seeing her (we work together) nor do I want to. She is becoming a friend, and is offering support on this separation/coming out. I just need to be a grown up about it, and I am making real solid efforts to go to places to meet other queer women. i even met one I flirted with a bit. I am hoping that this trigger crush is just my realizing how strongly I feel about women and less about her specifically. I am hoping to meet someone else that I feel something strong for...I am attracted to other women, not just her...
I have heard on this message board that you never quite "get over 100%" your trigger crush, that they will always have a special place in your heart. It makes sense because they were "the first." So for me that gives me perspective that the depth of my feelings are to be expected in this situation. Like your first crush, your first kiss, or your first sexual experience, your trigger crush has a permanent place in life. It's something sacred I realize I have to honor in my situation.
Something OGS once said that resonated strongly with me: "Even if you spend a year loving someone, it's a wonderful thing. Breakups can be difficult and often times they hurt, but that just says to me that it was worth it." It's been almost a year and a half since I broke up with my trigger crush, which is half a year longer than we were together, but I still think of him every day, usually once when I first wake up in the morning and then again just before I go to sleep. It's getting better though — I think what I miss most is the idea of him, not the man himself. I miss our relationship, even though I now realize it might not have lasted and he's probably not (and never was) the right one for me. We did get back in touch after a time and are nominally "friends," though we don't really do friend things together (other than meet occasionally for coffee). He's in another relationship and I have to respect that. I'm in a relationship too — I only wish I could stop measuring it against my first. But now when I think back I realize how lucky I was to have had him, and I would never want to erase that experience. It brought me to where I am today and made me aware, at long last, of my true capacity to love another being.
