That the person who has your heart you may NEVER get to actually be with. I love my girlfriend/bestie soooo much. We are amazing together. Everything is amazing. Except that we only get to see each other alone during the day while husbands are at work and kids school. Her husband wont accept it and mine isn't a ton better, though a little. How could I fall so deeply in love with someone I cant have? When I first became best friends with her, I had a strong pull/feeling/sense that me and her would end up together and as we got closer and closer we fell deeply in love. And one night we turned that into a complete relationship. We talked seriously about leaving our husbands. Starting our life together. But hers wouldn't accept it and gradually it got worse and worse for her she went back in. Told him we are just friends now (we still are secretly together). Idk if he does or doesn't believe her but no matter what he wont let their family be broken up. So she all but gave up on that. I'm devastated. First, my life has been hard enough deep down always knowing I was a lesbian but refusing to let myself act on my true self, because of society and pressure to be like everyone else. (Ive probably known since I was a kid maybe 9-10yrs old when I first realized I was different). But I was ready to openly admit I am a lesbian (and did to a few friends and family) I did not have sexual satisfaction in life until last year, when me and her started being together. That was what we both always craved. And never got so it was nonstop at first lol. With my husband we once went 2 years no sex because I never wanted it. I just didn't. I made myself do it bc I was supposed to. I was never happier ever than when I thought me and her were going to be together, really together. And form a life together. Bc that's what ive always wanted and she is the first person ive felt this way about. Then it was all ripped away all hope of true happiness. I'm devastated. I don't know what to do. It took me 32 years to find someone to fall deeply in love with and I still love her very much but I'm sooooo hurt.
Are you willing to continue having a clandestine relationship with her? Because otherwise you might have to move on, as painful as it might sound. The good news is that we all have gone through similar things with our "triggers" and a lot of us have been able to move on and some have found great people to be with after. Nothing will ever feel like that first love but itll still be great. There's hope!!
Its so sad that her husband has such power over her. Be it financial, emotional or maybe the threat of outing her to her family, friends and co-workers. Or possibly that he would be embarrassed by her leaving - especially for another woman. Ironically, he could probably find all sorts of justification if HE left HER for another woman. She's in a very tough spot. But the truth is, it won't get any better. The good news is you will continue to support each other in whatever way you can. If either of you do have children, you may not be able to both live separate lives indefinitely - both married and having an affair. As harsh as it sounds, you are both having an affair, something a jaded spouse can very well use to their advantage. Bottom line: have the courage to do the RIGHT thing. I think both your husbands have convinced you this is the WRONG thing, the selfish thing. Thats its wrong to be happy, and right to be miserable. Its not for them, me or anyone else to judge. Only the two of you can decide that.
