So this wasn't the response I was expecting. My wife and I are trying to limp along a mixed orientation marriage. We have committed to pursuing couples therapy. We have also been 900 miles away from "home" for the last 15 years. As a result of these issues and family health issues, I began pursuing positions back home. Well yesterday, I got a good lead from inside my company to get the relocation. She became very distant for the rest of the evening. After the kids went to bed, we started talking. She feels that by moving back home, I am going to dump her off and move on. That is not my plan, I would like to work through it. Then she started in on the shame she and the kids would have to deal with if I left her. I don't know if she is really committed to working this out. Or just want to slam me back in the closet and pretend this is not a problem. She does have a strong network of friend here and at home, in addition to the family. While I don't have much where we currently are.
Did you socialize the relocation process with her before you began to explore positions back at your original home? Given that you've been living 900 miles away from original home for 15 years, I'm wondering if she views this as her new home. What is motivating the desire to move back home? As an impartial observer, I can see how this might cause your wife to react the way that she did if she felt blindsided. The prospect of moving 900 miles seems potentially disruptive to me without fully understanding what is motivating this change. Wouldn't that effort be better spent on couples therapy? Ultimately there's only 1 person in your life who can choose whether you are in the closet or not, and that person is you. Can you possibly expand your network at your current home by reaching out to LGBT / gay fathers support groups?
I can't blame the wife either. If I was her, that would also be the first thing that will come to my mind. I guess, if you are truly sincere with what you're planning, the challenge is how you'll communicate that to her.
Well things seem to be better tonight. She was actually interested in the position I had found within my company and helped my craft my application to the position. This had been something we had discussed before I had started applying for positions back home last year. Given the health problems in both of our families last year, we both have a desire to go home. I am guessing it was more of just a freak out that this might actually happen. But, I realize that her reaction is also due to insecurities as to where we stand.
