1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

I wish the pain was physical instead...

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by cate1515, Jan 16, 2016.

  1. cate1515

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jul 26, 2015
    Messages:
    99
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    California
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    Because this pain inside is soooooo much worse. :frowning2: Idk how long I can go on in constant heartache and sadness. :frowning2: I'm so angry with myself. So much anger. I wish I had never met my girlfriend. Yes, I love her sooo much and I now know what true love and true happiness feel like but I also know what true heartache and true sadness feel like because we will probably never get to be together, other than when our kids are at school. Her husband refused to accept it and she was forced to go back in for her kids sake. My husband isn't much better he gives me constant hell too. I would have thought my eyes would have run out of tears by now. I don't expect advice I'm just venting. :frowning2:
     
  2. nerdbrain

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 23, 2014
    Messages:
    536
    Likes Received:
    112
    Location:
    New York City
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Hi Cate,

    I don't know your full story, but I'm curious, why do you and your gf need your husband's approval to have a relationship? People leave their spouses for other people all the time.
     
  3. TheBiBoy

    TheBiBoy Guest

    Joined:
    Sep 27, 2015
    Messages:
    212
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Not Specified
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Hello cate1515,
    You should be only controlled by yourself and only you. Even though he is your husband he cannot control you and you have the right to leave him. But, saying that if you are religious I understand why you are taking this so hard as leaving a spouse goes against many religions. Well, I am atheist primarily because I disagree with all religions and the way they treat everything LGBT. You can get divorced and then live a happy life. You have to relieve yourself of all this pain and to do that you should do what it takes to get together with your girlfriend. It might be hard but be strong and if you need help we are here for you. It does seem like this us true love with your gf and you should be with her. Drop me a wall message if you want to talk.

    Best Of Luck,
    TheBiBoy
     
  4. Ryuji35

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 22, 2014
    Messages:
    164
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    All the time? Really?
     
  5. bi2me

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jul 23, 2014
    Messages:
    1,301
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    Ohio
    Cate, I'm sorry to hear that her husband hasn't come around on your relationship. Do you have any steps you can take within the next year? I (think I) remember you were concerned primarily about her custody rights if she left.

    (*hug*)
     
  6. SiennaFire

    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 23, 2015
    Messages:
    2,161
    Likes Received:
    246
    Location:
    Boston
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I know that you must be feeling extraordinary pain because of this situation. I'm sorry that you have to go through it (*hug*)

    In attempting to find relief from your pain, please understand that emotional pain comes from resistance to what is. We have a notion of how things should be and when reality diverges from this notion, we experience painful emotions. For example, we want to be "normal" and live a heteronormative lifestyle yet deep down we know we are attracted to sexual and romantic partners of the same sex. If we resist, we torture ourselves in the closet; we feel unsatisfied in our inauthentic lives and long for our authentic selves.

    If you wish to liberate yourself from this cycle of pain, you have two options. One is to surrender (in the spiritual sense) to your reality and be grateful for the time that you do have with your GF rather than lamenting what you don't have. Another reason people experience pain is through inaction. They are not doing what is necessary to achieve their goals. Would separating from your husband or breaking up with her advance your goal of being happy? What else could you do?

    In many ways the inner battle is the hardest. In order to come out we must abandon the scripts that program us to want to be heteronormative. Similarly you must embrace a new way of thinking to move forward and liberate yourself from the pain.
     
    #6 SiennaFire, Jan 17, 2016
    Last edited: Jan 17, 2016