I wonder if anyone who's previously been on a heterossexual marriage with kids and made the full journey (coming out, separation, new same-sex partner) can comment on the topic of how this has impacted them as a parent and in their relationship to their kids?
I'm not completely thru the process since I have yet to date anyone. However my oldest girl told me one day how I seem to be much more relaxed since the split from their mom. Things are hard right now as I don't get to see my kids as much as I'd like. The kids spend half the week with each of us, and there is still animosity between their mother and I. I work 7 days a week to do things now as a single parent. I have always been open and honest with my daughters about things and we had a very close relationship before all this. Happily, that has not changed.
Thank you for sharing your experience! Interesting this thing of being much more relaxed after coming out. I think I come accross a bit absent to my partner and sometimes to the kids, even when I try hard to make an effort to listen and pay attention to what everyone is saying, my mind is always drifting away. I wonder if this would go away.
This is exactly how I'm feeling at the moment and it depresses me to think that I'm not giving my daughter the full attention that she deserves from her Dad
I think that absent feeling is completely normal in such a situation. Trying to reign myself in, push the feelings I knew I had down, all that stuff, after a while I think you just start slowly dying inside. I truly believe my struggles over sexuality were the catalyst for the depersonalization I've felt haunted by for years.
I haven't quite completed the process, but I'm close. It's been more than five years. I also know a large number of men who have made the journey. Other than sharing pivotal moments such as coming out, splitting up, moving out, dealing with legal matters, sharing one's personal life (or not) and introducing a new same-sex partner, the stories are incredibly varied. Some guys have a relatively easy, peaceful journey...some go through hell, most are somewhere in between. A lot depends on the personalities of the people involved. Do you have any specific questions or concerns? Those would be a lot easier to answer.
When you ask these questions, does it mean that your wife and kids dont know? How long have you been married if you dont mind me asking and how old are your children? It may help determine if they'll be accepting when you do come out entirely if you have not already.
I´m not out yet to my husband and kids so I really don´t have the experience. But I can say that I feel like not coming out is sometimes hurting my kids. Keeping my feelings and myself a secret sometimes comes out with me being distant, angry and stressed. I see myself becoming more relaxed and a better mom when my process is over. I don´t worry about my kids not accepting me. Our country is very gay-friendly, we have gay friends, my girl´s teacher is gay and so on. We talk about being gay and what that means. And I raise my kids believing they can and should love a person, not a gender.
