So I finally came out to someone. I have been seeing a therapist for a few sessions as I was diagnosed with ADD a years ago. I love my wife, job, life and family. I am so lucky. However, I am married to woman who has no idea about my struggles. I feel like I am dying inside and have been suicidal in the past. My therapist and I talked for about 5-10 minutes about work and then I just blurted it out. I went on and on for the remainder of the hour. I discussed my struggles and how I have never been with a man but think about it all the time. Everything came out. I told her of my struggle about whether I am gay or bi. As I talked, I realized that while I like women, I am much more strongly attracted to men. That I want the sex, intimacy and connection with another man. I said I was gay about 4-5 times. I realized that all the shame and guilt of hiding this from my wife is so intense...but that those imposing feelings don't change my desire to with another man. There is such a battle in my head and neither my shame and fear nor my feelings for men are winning. It is ripping me apart. She isn't trained in LGBT issues but was very supportive. She noted that she was planning on getting the help of an LGBT colleague of hers who as has dealt with these issues. She is open to me seeing another therapist but was concerned and wanted to make sure I figured this out. I still have no idea where I am going with this. Leaving her office, I felt so wonderful and so gay. However, now I sit in thinking of the tumult that would engulf my life if I came out. I just want to become numb. I know many of you have taken bigger steps but this just felt so intense for me.
I am not in any position to give advice as I am pretty much in the same place as you are, although I did tell my wife but we are still together. These feelings weigh on my mind 24/7. Just wanted you to know that you are not alone and to wish you luck on your journey
Congratulations on taking this important step on your journey towards authenticity. It must feel so wonderful to finally disclose your deepest secret to someone. I agree with and would suggest trying to find a therapist who is ideally gay or has LGBT experience, which makes a huge difference. When feelings of overwhelm relating to coming out occur, just try to breath and break things into baby steps. There are many supportive folks here on EC who can help you along your journey towards authenticity. Be well (&&&)
Congratulations, maybgayguy, you've taken a big step. I found my therapist via Breakthrough dot com and having a gay therapist has made such a difference. I highly recommend it - otherwise, you'll spend a lot of your time explaining things to your therapist. Hopefully, this will be the first step to a long, happy life as a gay man. Again, congratulations!
When I came out to my first straight friend it was such a relief. Each time it feels soo good. When I just say quietly "I'm gay" I get light headed. Congratulations!
Thanks guys. It was really a head trip. I saw a therapist before who thought my desire for men was due to stress. That set me back. It felt so wonderful but as I came home and started talking to my family (not about coming out - just day to day), I felt totally crushed.
I know the feeling. Sort of a stranger in a strange land. My kids know something is up but I'm just not ready. Just talking to other gays, either here or on XXXXXX brightens my day.:icon_bigg
Congratulations! I hope that you are on your path to discovering your true self whatever that may be. I know that when I told my therapist I was "gay" she smiled back, acknowledging my breakthrough and we just kept moving. She told me she was not surprised as she had me figured out more or less from our first meeting. I am sneaking to see her tomorrow morning, anytime I bring up her name, my wife threatens divorce and throwing me out, but this therapist gets me and helps me so much in my struggle. Make sure if this therapist is not up to or has the training/experience you need to move on and find one that does. Will save you a lot of time and money. J
Why does she threaten divorce if you go to a therapist? Does she think that if you don't go then you won't be gay?
maybgayguy, the first therapist I told was a strict Catholic who told me that wanting to have sex with other men was wrong and a psychological disorder with which he could help me. We never talked about it again during my sessions. It makes me angry because if he'd been a decent therapist, I might have come out 10 years ago. :-/
I totally get that Johnny! When my therapist said it was due to stress - I felt so relieved. If I just got my stress under control....then I wouldn't want to make out with the hot guy I met at the gay bar. She was not a helpful therapist to say the least.
