This has been on my mind for quite a while and it has come to my attention that not only my mom but also my dad is not questioning it and it has been talked about mostly gossiped without my knowledge. I guess I haven't been really clear in terms of my sexual identity. For myself I feel sometimes like I don't fit neatly into the lesbian box or bisexual box. Since my early 20's I've realized my strong attraction to women emotionally, romantically, and sexually and yet know I have some physical and emotional attraction to men. I've talked about it the most with my mom calling myself "bisexual" and now saying I have preference for girls.. sometimes I wonder if I'm in denial of being gay though because the fact is I can't say it.. it feels weird for me to still say it.. mostly because I don't have a very explicable story.. for me it's just a part of who I am that I repressed yet discovered late around 18. I happened to fall for two people that were girls.. for me though, once I fell for a girl, I knew I felt more complete with a girl than a guy. Sometimes I think maybe I can be happy with a guy but not as much in terms of passion that I could have with a girl. I guess my question is, did any of you explain that you were gay or bisexual to your parents before you had a relationship with the same or opposite sex? I feel like even though I've tried to explain it, I get criticized for it and I don't know how to react. The fact that I tried to talk to my mom about it, she accepted it, and now completely denies it really hurts. How do I approach the subject with her again? My brother thinks I'm afraid of guys... and it's like.. no... :tears::help::eusa_doh: Sighs..
Since you've come out as bisexual to your parents, you've already alerted them to the possibility that you might date women. I'm not entirely sure why you would need to have another conversation where you say that you are bisexual with a strong preference for girls, especially given your mom's initial reaction. What do you hope to accomplish?
I don't know.. I guess I'm still worried about being shunned but I guess I'll just have to deal when it comes.. b/c regardless it's who I am and my life
**raises hand** Hey eburian I have a similar situation to what you're expressing here. A few years ago, I fell for a girl and never really looked back. I admitted to myself that I was more bisexual that I'd previously thought, because I wanted a romantic relationship with this woman (something that made my whole life spin around) in a way I'd never wanted with any guy. I've only ever been in romantic relationships with men--haven't dated a woman yet--so I totally understand the frustration of having to tell your parent(s) that you feel a certain way, even if you can't totally back up that claim with an actual person at the moment. It's also been a little harder to *prove* myself to my parent because I was always with guys, so they don't understand and are still in slight denial. I had the talk with my them about a year ago, in the car, on the way to Starbucks because I couldn't hold it in anymore. I said that there was a possibility that I could date a woman in the near future, and then proceeded to tell them the why. I still don't have anything to back up my claim, but when you know - you just know. How I deal with it is, I know who I am more than I have ever before, and because I accept myself, it doesn't bother me all that much to just live with how I feel. Until I can meet Ruby Rose and have her fall in love with me:icon_wink, I (most of the time) feel fine, and know that when I do start dating a female, I'll be dating one...simple as that. No one else in my family knows except for my parent, but just accepting myself and knowing that they still love me no matter what makes me feel good. So even though my parent sounds like your parent -- that denial where they're just hoping you will end up with a guy, are just confused, blah blah blah -- if you know you're safe, and it sounds like you are, just feel free to feel what you do. If you accept yourself and have confidence in knowing who you are, other noises tend to shut out eventually. If you feel like you need to, talk to your mom again. I don't know what your relationship is like with her, but sit down and tell her how you feel and tell her that her 'forgetting' or acting like it's not real is really upsetting to you. And if your brother says something like that to you again and it upsets you, come up with something quippy like, "I'm sitting here with you, aren't I?" - "Have you ever been afraid to date/have sex with a girl because you didn't know if you'd like it?" I don't know if those are good, lol. But something along those lines where it can be sort of obvious that it's ridiculous to think you'd want a sexual relationship with a female because you're just scared of the One Eyed Snake! :eek: After all that, just be yourself and feel your feelings. If they can't accept what you're saying, let them not accept it, and go on with your life. You'll end up with whoever you end up with. I hope that helps in some way. I know it's a little word vomit-ish. Also, keep coming here to talk it out if need be.
.[/QUOTE] **raises hand** Hey eburian I have a similar situation to what you're expressing here. A few years ago, I fell for a girl and never really looked back. I admitted to myself that I was more bisexual that I'd previously thought, because I wanted a romantic relationship with this woman (something that made my whole life spin around) in a way I'd never wanted with any guy. I still don't have anything to back up my claim, but when you know - you just know. How I deal with it is, I know who I am more than I have ever before, and because I accept myself, it doesn't bother me all that much to just live with how I feel. Until I can meet Ruby Rose and have her fall in love with me:icon_wink, I (most of the time) feel fine, and know that when I do start dating a female, I'll be dating one...simple as that. No one else in my family knows except for my parent, but just accepting myself and knowing that they still love me no matter what makes me feel good. So even though my parent sounds like your parent -- that denial where they're just hoping you will end up with a guy, are just confused, blah blah blah -- if you know you're safe, and it sounds like you are, just feel free to feel what you do. If you accept yourself and have confidence in knowing who you are, other noises tend to shut out eventually. If you feel like you need to, talk to your mom again. I don't know what your relationship is like with her, but sit down and tell her how you feel and tell her that her 'forgetting' or acting like it's not real is really upsetting to you. And if your brother says something like that to you again and it upsets you, come up with something quippy like, "I'm sitting here with you, aren't I?" - "Have you ever been afraid to date/have sex with a girl because you didn't know if you'd like it?" I don't know if those are good, lol. But something along those lines where it can be sort of obvious that it's ridiculous to think you'd want a sexual relationship with a female because you're just scared of the One Eyed Snake! :eek: After all that, just be yourself and feel your feelings. If they can't accept what you're saying, let them not accept it, and go on with your life. You'll end up with whoever you end up with. I hope that helps in some way. I know it's a little word vomit-ish. Also, keep coming here to talk it out if need be.[/QUOTE] Thank you. You sound like such a sweet girl in real life and I wish the best for you in finding a great person man or woman I'm actually really close with my mom. I just don't know what having a conversation about it would do at this moment. I think if I do end up dating a girl seriously and I want to introduce her to my parents, then that might be the perfect time Actually I have dated women, only had one bf, and have dated guys.. nothing really serious for a while though. Sighs.. yea my parents are just very conservative and old fashioned.. and I'm like omg! I accidentally said dude.. b/c that's how my friend and I talk and my mom was like.. yea ur friend uses it because she's gay.. lmao.. wow.. mom really.. don't you know most people my age will address each other like that.... haha You are definitely right the first part about feeling accepted if accepting yourself and yea I think I'm getting better and better with it... - sighs.. for now I'll just go on being my unicorn self :icon_bigg:eusa_danc
Wow, is saying "dude" a marker for being gay? Because then I've been questioning my sexuality for waaaaay too long. Gay for years!! YAY. Definitely keep being your unicorn self. And that's so sweet of you to wish me well, but when you do wish these wishes, can you please mention that Ruby Rose would probably be best for me? THANKS!!
hahah I will definitely have to mention Ruby Rose.. at first I was like eh... she's not really my type.. but I mean.. yea her eyes.. she's pretty all around gorgeous Yea, I tried to have a honest conversation with her accidentally about it I mean. I happened to mention I had been in a fwb situations.. why idk.. I'm a pretty honest person.. and no I don't tell my mother everything I just want us to be open about this aspect of my life too.. and when she worried about protection I was like yup um... both people.. they weren't guys.. She says.. she believes I am who I say I am.. yet says if I'm in the middle of the spectrum "try to go the straight way". I did explain to her that yes, I do worry about having a relationship work out.. in that way romantically.. possibly b/c it hasn't for me yet.. so that part is true.. I told her I don't think it has anything to do with me being afraid of guys though.. she also said that she'd have a hard time accepting me.. oh well.. I tried.. thanks for all the support everyone, I do really appreciate it.. I guess.. I've kinda come to the conclusion that my views on sexuality and my orientation will always be looked at weirdly by them.. but I have to live my own life.. idk if I'm necessarily sad.. just kinda feel frustrated by it all.. but at least I'm trying to be honest right.. idk.. I guess this part of my life will somehow work out one day.. Thank you for listening. Please feel free to message me on my wall. <3 <3 <3 <3
Can anyone besides me relate to this part? Sometimes I wonder if my mom isn't entirely straight. She told me she was really shy, strongly admired a girl, and was flustered and tongue tied around her.. I might not be an expert.. but doesn't that sound like a crush? idk.. <3 <3 thanks for listening good night!
My mom is working in another country when I came out. I was about to go to school and I was so depressed since I just experienced my first unrequited love from a straight crush and I just have to tell her regardless of the outcome. I risked everything since when I was repressing my sexuality, she was very hostile about it. She *knew* that I am gay but doesn't want that life for me so she threatened me with so many nasty stuff *she regretted everything* but when I finally came out to her, I expected the worst. But no, she appeared to be resigned and welcomed my sexuality with open arms. I told her everything via Yahoo Messenger.. My younger brother was not so lucky. He came out the night AFTER I came out to me mom. So I came out to her in the morning, my brother came out the night of the same day via Yahoo Chat as well. She only had 2 children, both "sons." I heard from her friends at work that she went hysterical and cried the whole night in the office. Oh well.
Lol. No she doesn't have to be your type. These wishes and prayers are for me. Me. Moi. :icon_bigg:icon_bigg ---------- Post added 23rd Jan 2016 at 09:49 PM ---------- A part of me always thinks that people who are extremely against it, in a way that's super close minded or uncomfortable, usually harbor same sex tendencies that made them very uncomfortable. And that definitely sounds like a crush, lol. Who knows!!
I totally get where she's coming from but wouldn't it be unhealthy to grab a hot dog when you feel like having a pizza instead? :icon_wink
