I am fifty years old. I am divorced, but in a monogamous relationship with a man for four years. He is very open minded. Here is where things start to get crazy. My partner has known for a few years that I am attracted to women. However, I never acted on it my whole life. He has been open to the idea of a threesome for a while, and eventually arranged for me to meet a woman he dated a while ago who is bisexual. Okay, don't laugh, we met this woman out for drinks once, and then I met her by myself once. She and I kissed at the end of the second evening (remember I have never kissed a woman before). Well, lets just say that since then, I have completely lost my mind. I think about this woman constantly. I feel like a fourteen year old with a high school crush. My strong solid relationship with my partner has completely taken a backseat, as far as my attention goes. Its ridiculous. My partner says he'd be perfectly happy if I had a boyfriend and a girlfriend. I have no idea what this woman wants, or how any of this works, although I believe she is interested in something. I've finally said to myself that I am bisexual, and told my partner as well, but while this occasionally feels empowering, I have no idea what this means in terms of my actual life. He just thinks its great. Also, frankly, I've always suspected I might be a lesbian, and now I really wonder. I can't tell if I'm happy or horrified. Meanwhile, (don't laugh again), I've been under the weather for a month and am half convinced that God is punishing me for kissing a woman, and I'm not even religious! (although I was raised Catholic, so there you go). Anyway, it feels good to get all of this out. Thanks for listening! Feel free to kick me out if I'm too crazy for this website lol.
Hi there. Welcome to EC. First off, you are not too crazy for this site. You're barely crazy enough. Here's an old thread that might interest you. http://emptyclosets.com/forum/sexual-romantic-orientation/143948-has-never-happened-before.html
LOL too crazy for this site?? Definitely not. I think this is great. You're finding out about yourself, and if your partner is comfortable with it, then feel free to explore, but maybe lay out some ground rules/have extremely honest and open communication about the situation and what it could mean for the both of you. Also, don't feel like you're sick because you kissed a girl! God isn't punishing you, lol. I understand having those thoughts, though -- do you have over analysis problems? That's usually where that kind of thinking comes from. That link that Really gave you is a really great read; one of my favorites on this site! It describes many of us late in lifers well. keep coming here to talk. It's a great way to sort out your thoughts.
Yeah. You fit in perfectly lol. My concerns with your tale are that 1- he may be expecting/hoping for a threesome. This is a common reaction from men and is not respectful to you or other woman and is only fulfilling his fantasies 2- it is also a common reaction for men to say that it's ok for you to have a girlfriend as well. This is often because they don't consider sex between women to be real sex so it doesn't matter. I'm thinking you will find it matters very much 3- your reaction to this woman is very strong and may lead you to doing something you are not ready for, including the aforementioned threesome. Take care of your heart. And welcome
I know exactly what you mean. It's good to come here and post. I don't know what this all means for you but keep on with your feelings. You may feel 'alive' for the first time in years. As long as he remains ok with you seeing her - that's great! You can explore your feelings and emotions within the relationship. You may find it strengthens your bond with your man over time, as the feelings for her die down. Or you may find your feelings for him dying as the feelings for her grow. Or you may be happy with a boyfriend and a girlfriend! I just want you to pay attention to your feelings closely at this point and going forward. It's so easy to let those we have affection for influence our thoughts and behavior, so as long as you keep "doing you" you'll be ok. Please keep us posted!
My man and I tried to arrange a threesome with another woman, for me to explore my urges. She ended up being INSANE. Be very very clear in all speech and set rules. Don't progress until you KNOW all three of you are on the same page. I was very very attracted to this woman, and she kept taking advantage of my weakness to try and break the rules we had all set up, and in the end attempted to steal me away from my boyfriend who I'd been with about 7 years at that point. Definitely not saying this will happen to you, just be very clear, and cautious. Sexy women are dangerous
Oh my, you sound *exactly* crazy enough for this website! I do echo mirror's concerns above (particularly the "take care of your heart" part)...but you've found a good supportive community here to hash things out with. Read the forums...there's a lot here for someone like you (I'm in a similar boat myself...though not the same by any stretch). Welcome, good luck, and don't hesitate to talk with us!
Thank you all so much. Your posts are the greatest response I could have hoped for. I am reading each one several times, and will also read the suggested link. The funny thing is my 15 year old daughter is in LGBT support group right now. Some day, when she is older and it feels right, I may be able to share some of this with her. Right now I think she just assumes I'm straight, she's never actually asked. I'm sure at this point she would rather ignore the possibility that I have any sexual inklings whatsoever, and that's fine with me too! Again, thank you so much. I'm sure I'll be back. ---------- Post added 21st Jan 2016 at 07:28 PM ---------- Here's an odd postscript. So at 2 am my partner called me in a panic because he accidentally shot himself in the hand while cleaning his gun (don't ask, I'm not a gun person). So I rushed him to the hospital, and as they were taking him into surgery he said: "You know why this happened? God is punishing me because you kissed a girl." Then he winked at me and we laughed. This is why I love this man. Then the whole time he was in surgery I texted with the woman. She was incredibly lovely and supportive. So my crush ballooned. Then after surgery she texted him to see how he was doing and I was jealous for a second (ok like 25 seconds)! I couldn't even figure out who I was jealous of! Perhaps the crazy one in this mix will end up being moi. So now I believe I need to sleep.
Yup, all of this. Be careful, and pay attention to your feelings. You may find that your view of things will change as your feelings do.
what is it with all the self shootings lately? My friends dad shot himself twice with one bullet through his thigh and calf while reloading! SMH Quick healing to him and best wishes!
I feel the same way, the God punishing me part. I feel that he punishes me whenever I am sexual with myself, even if I think of something that turns me on other than my husband. Like I'm sinning and its wrong and so he punishes me. Something bad always happens. I worry sometimes that he will hurt someone I love because of my crazy sexual thoughts. I question myself about being normal. Like, whats normal. I grew up in a very, very un normal family. And I wonder if I'm this way because of it. That I dont have a normal thought process because I didnt grow up like most people. My husband kinda had a normal family, way more normal than mine. So I dont feel like I can be open to him about some things because I think he might look at me weird and think that I'm crazy and not normal. That he'll make fun of it in his head. I dont want him to think I'm crazy. So I keep all my thoughts and desires in my head. So yeah, I kinda went off topic there. Sorry. Reading your situation, I'm jelly of it. I dont think that you should have a threesome though. I think that you need to do it by yourself and explore yourself and not involve him. Figure out what you want without having concerns about him and if he's enjoying himself or even feelings of jealousy about him being with another. This is about you and what you need to figure out, so just do you. Well thats my suggestion but I have no facts to support it because I've only once kissed a woman and no it wasnt a heated kiss like I wanted it to be. I thought after it happened that I wasnt attracted to women like I thought I was. This happened about 7 or 8 yrs ago, just this last year I've been thinking about women again. And I really, really want to be with one. I dont even know if I would like it but I want to try it.
