So the initial few mths have been good regarding my new found gay women status and accompanying 'male ' part of me -- I have felt liberated, integrated and well 'like me' 'the real me' Lately I have been having some feelings or mourning for 'the old me ' the women who got engaged to be married, the women who was going to have a man look after her ( although this is debatable re I seemed to wear the trousers more ... The women who had long hair and was girly ( still have some of that but it has shrank re the acceptance of my male part ... I mean I didn't like being a mans sexual image really I always hated being stared at by men -- But I do seem to be mourning the old me - the girl .. The young women and the women I grew into -- she's still there but in some ways I can't feel her -- I guess as I'm not looking to any gay life yet - I've not come into that world -- I'm in this new world and identity yet I'm not using it as sure -- the desire to tell people has worn off and I don't know when I'll tell my dad -- we are just rebuilding our relationship so it doesn't feel right yet .... Anyone else's experiences re similar would be good to hear ... Today I feel alone with the new me ... Looking back and mourning the old me
I can understand that. I think sometimes I go back and forth. At times I feel totally at peace with my current situation, and then I get angsty.
