Ok, no yelling at me for this question! So, since I've been dating only men for years, I've have a general idea of how to date a guy. I try to let him know I'm interested without coming right out and hitting him over the head with it. I also think its better to let the guy text you before you text back, not seem too eager, blah blah blah you know the deal. I've always been pretty convinced guys like the chase. The problem is, now that there is a woman I'm interested in, I can't tell if any of this applies. Who is supposed to approach who? Who asks who out? The real problem is I feel extremely vulnerable with this woman, but I'm also dying to move things along. From what I've read, she is likely my "trigger crush". We've gotten together twice, kissed the second time, but that was MORE THAN TWO WEEKS AGO!!! Since then we text regularly and she has sent me some awesome boob shots (sorry, TMI?), but I feel like I'm always (1) texting first and (2) trying to get together more than her. We're both busy, she's married with kids, I'm divorced with kids and a boyfriend (who knows all about this), but it looks like it will be weeks before we get together again and I'm dying here! She has it in her head that I'm still getting comfortable with the idea that I'm attracted to a woman, and that I should take it slow, but in fact I want to take it to the next level! She says she doesn't want me to freak out right in the middle of things, but I'm like who cares!!!!! She has had relationships with women before and I haven't, so I feel so behind the eight ball here. So of course I don't say any of this to her, and try to be equally casual, because of course I would scare her off if she knew I was dying to get together. Also, I know she's probably right, deep down inside. Really, what's the rush? In the meantime, however, whenever I'm not texting her, I'm just thinking about not texting her and trying to not text her, or setting some random deadline within which I will not text her so that she'll know I have many better things to do then sit around all day texting and/or not texting her. I feel like a horribly repulsive teenager. I feel so uncool! My boyfriend says I'm insane. Please send words of wisdom and comfort. OOOH, YAY, SHE JUST TEXTED, GOTTA GO! (!)
The one with the pickup truck and the butch haircut pays for dinner. Hopefully you get the absurdity of this comment, seriously, I don't think any "rules" apply, part of the fun and confusion of not being exclusively hetero... However you mention she's currently married, maybe it's her way to say she doesn't want to move to the next level at this time... It's awkward but a no-holds-barred discussion may be in order to clarify what you're both looking for/what you're both ready to get into/etc...
I agree with the comment above. She might not be ready or willing to take the relationship to the next stage. I think a conversation about that is needed between you. I wonder about the "rules" too. No experience in a lesbian dating world and making eye contact with a sexy/beautiful woman is almost too much for me!!!
The only rules are: Mutual respect for time, space and feelings. Mutual showing of interest (flirt, goddammit). Reciprocity. Communication. In short: treat her as you want to be treated, and if she starts treating you poorly, get out. Dare to be vulnerable and return her signs of interest, otherwise she might assume that you're not, actually, interested. For god's sake don't play hard to get, but do make sure neither one of you feels like she's the only one trying. Oh, and there's nothing wrong with asking someone to have coffee together or initiating the next date or conversation. If you have to cancel, you rearrange for a new time, not her.
She's married but it's a pretty strained situation. Also, her husband has known all along that she is bisexual and does not mind her having relationships with women. However, she also mentioned he reacted a bit oddly when she told him she was meeting me for a drink. They're in counseling, and I've been there so I know it's a complicated time for them. When I really examine what's going on with me, it's that now that I know this woman and like her and, more importantly, now that I know I will be able, for the first time in my life, to act on my attraction to women, it is excruciating to have to wait any longer, even a few weeks. Every other aspect of my life right now seems completely dull and joyless. However, just pushing and/or luring her to jump into bed with me faster is not the right answer either, I know this deep down inside. So I need a plan to get through the next few months. Im a runner and am just recovering from a month of bronchitis, so maybe running will help chill me out. Maybe I need a new hobby other than skirt chasing. Ice fishing? (I know, obsessive text checking and Facebook stalking are not actual hobbies)
I applaud you for not jumping the gun on "luring" her to bed (she's an adult, I'm sure she can handle what she does and doesn't want ). The "every other aspect of my life right now seems completely dull and joyless" seems to me to be what you need to be working on. Focus on you and making your life better so that she's not the be-all and end-all of your happiness. I get the part about bronchitis meaning you need to chill out and unwind. Probably a good idea, but try to do stuff that you enjoy anyway. Stuff that doesn't get you all worked up and lets you process some emotions, maybe?
Good advice again. I think the reason I don't want to "process my emotions" right now is I that it seems like my emotions are all the bad ones. I mean, I have shut down this part of myself since I was 11 years old, so sometimes I think my true inner self is an 11 year old girl (thus younger than my actual children).
