I moved. I'm in my own place. It's so tiny. It's a bit on the cold side. There are some chips on the counter tops and in the walls. The blinds get stuck and some of them are bent. But it's mine. I've done it. I'm here. This is also where the pain really starts to set in. All day yesterday and today, my ex-husband didn't text or call to see how the girls were doing. He was too busy setting up his apartment. He took vacation time. I've had to move in and set up while working and taking care of both my girls, and amid questions such as, "Where is Daddy? When can I go to Daddy's house? Is Daddy coming tonight?" I bitched him out tonight. He acknowledged that he had done wrong and said he wouldn't let it happen again. We'll see. I've been very close to throwing my hands up in the air and saying, "JUST KIDDING EVERYONE! JUST KIDDING! I want my old life back." I miss being hugged by an adult. I miss having my family in one house. I miss seeing my girls' excitement when their dad walks through the door at night. But I know I'm not in love with him. Not even close. I know what I miss is comfort. I took everyone's advice about the girlfriend situation very seriously re: my last post about what a nightmare my relationship had become. We had a chat and it got so much better. I mean, last night, she was being SO supportive of everything I'm doing. She even made a trip to my new place last week to meet my mom, and she met one of my girls. I really thought things were better. Then tonight, it's right back to the old place. She accuses me of only thinking of myself. She gets into this spot where nothing I say can be taken right. She flips it around to make it look like I'm being selfish and uncaring, when that's actually the opposite of what I'm trying to do. You all have followed me from the beginning of this journey . . . way back when I wasn't sure whether or not I was going to come out, whether or not I was going to leave my marriage. Now here I am, lonely in a cold house with two sad, sleeping children in a tiny room next to mine. And I'm questioning everything. But I have faith that if I hold on a little longer and I don't scurry back to where I came from, things will get better. (&&&)
Aww. Hi Mellie. I remember those days very clearly. I went from a comfortable house with three floors to a very small apartment. My two kids and I were actually sharing a bedroom. A small one. I had one kid in a pack and play, one in a toddler bed and me on a mattress on the floor. All of the floor space was taken up with beds. We played *on* my bed in there. There are for sure some meaningful differences between your story and mine, but a year after separating I dont regret it at all. And just a few words on your girlfriend--its sounding like the case might be that, if she tries really hard, she can behave acceptably for a short time, then goes back to baseline. The very best to you Mellie. Keep us updated. We'll send love and support no matter what path you take.
Hey there Mellie. You don't know me, so I don't know if it means anything that I'm sending out hugs, but I am. Girl, you are stronger than you know. Climb into bed, have a cry if you need to, and know you'll wake up and take the first step toward a new happy. I'm a stranger, but I'm cheering you on.
The single parent thing gets easier. It really does. It's a huge adjustment and your kids will work it out too. As for the girlfriend....has she shown any interest in the kids yet?
Oh, mellie! I'm so sorry for your pain. I don't know if you can feel them (some can; some can't), but these are warm *hugs* from an adult. I've not been where you are, but I feel like I can understand it. Know that we care about you, and are thinking about you. And know too that it *does* get sooo much better. You're at a low now. Lows exist so that we can see the highs and appreciate them...that may be cold comfort in a cold apartment with cold children...but the real point is that this means that highs will come. Generally they show up before we even see them coming. I'll not make a judgment about your gf. Just keep paying attention. You seem both positive and astute. Trust yourself to know when enough is enough, and if that time comes, remind yourself that you deserve and can have better. More *hugs* because you can never have enough. And very best wishes to you.
I don´t know your full story but you seem to be at the place I´m heading. You are so strong to have done this. Leaving a comfortable family life scares me and I don´t know if I´m strong enough. Things will get better. You are amazing just having done this. And I know what you are talking about when needing an adult hug. Wish you could receive mine (*hug*)
Wow Mellie, what an inspiring story! I can relate to leaving the family home behind and moving into an apartment. 2 years on.... and my relationship with soon to be ex wife is good and my son loves visiting me at my flat. Things definitely get better with time, the suffering becomes less and the pain does fade. X x
Hi Mellie, definitely give it time (I mean move related). 4 items stand out from your update: blinds, kids, husband, gf Blinds: saw cuttable ones at lowes, easy to install. They also carry reasonable curtain rods. If the place is cold, adding curtains may do the trick and make it feel more like home..sorry, love to give decor advices. Your girls are probably confused and don't know what to expect. With you schedule, don't know if it's possible but taking them out for an event or museum activity and such (even movies are great). They'll learn what to expect which brings us to you husband: What an awesome job you are doing on keeping him informed of family expectations. You are doing this from the get go, it is up to him, but not entirely - your approach ensures hopefully less headache in the future. Hang in there! It must be such a busy, shaky time for you.. But we all know it does get better, pieces fall into their place, you work hard at making it better and time will do the rest. Glad there are others with similar experience here who say it all settles down and gets better! As for your gf, keep it low, focus on yourself and the kids, great job addressing issues, but she seems to try and mask her 'personal frustrations' then pattern returns (maybe).. Either she stops bullying you (I mean it) or goes to pick on someone else :icon_wink
mellie, i'm brand new here but you are very brave. wow. big warm hugs to you. i am with ssxElise in that i don't know if i am willing to go that far. but you took a big step. everything you said in your post up there i tried to see in my own life, like being hugged by an adult, etc. i hope things work out with you and your girlfriend.
