So to make a long story short, I'm beginning to accept that I am bisexual, probably leaning a bit toward women. I know now that I will need to make this a part of my life. Things are a bit complicated now because I have a long term (male) partner and a woman I just met and in whom I am interested. I have been getting some confusing signals from her, and my partner thinks this will all be solved with threesomes. Several of you have gently reminded me that I need to explore my feelings, and Ive realized the only thing I am feeling at the moment is rage. This is so unlike me!!! I wonder if I've always repressed anger at the same time I've been repressing my orientation, and now they're both coming out together in one big mess? Has anyone experienced anything like this? My feelings were a little hurt by the woman I like (I feel like I'm more into her than she is to me), but this level of anger in response to a small slight is just weird and uncomfortable. If this happened to you, did the anger pass quickly to be replaced by warm fuzzy self acceptance?
I'd say anger is pretty normal. Especially when you're coming out later in life because then you're likely to start wondering why you didn't figure it out earlier. From my own experience I can advise you to forget this question because it's a dead-end street that gets you nowhere. If you're in a relationship or have a family then it all gets mixed with feelings of guilt which makes it even more... ehm complex. Btw how do you feel about the threesome your partner suggested? My ex didn't do that, still I was pretty upset by the fact he assumed my desire to be with a woman is purely sexual. To answer your question, the anger can pass pretty quickly or stay with you for a while. I actually wasn't as much angry when questioning my sexuality as I'm now when trying to figure out my gender. I definitely wish to know how to deal with it better. :rolle:
Please remember that there are lots of people you can be into. I know that every love feels like *the one*. But when that person is gone and another comes, then *they* feel like *the one*...and they aren't really either. My point in offering that perspective is to say that your rage is well-directed toward the society that kept you for years from understanding your heart; it is reasonably well-directed toward a man who wants to oversimplify your struggles, particularly for his own gain; but you being more into this woman than she is into you? That's cheap anger you don't have room in your life for...continue to explore your feelings, continue to make progress toward a future that will make *you* happy...and when the time comes, be thankful for the role this woman played in your life (helping to open your heart and giving you perspective on yourself), but simply put her down gently and move on.
Thankfully this passed really quickly, at least for now. Maybe next time I'll be a little more prepared for it. It did seem to clear my head in a way though, and cooled my jets as to this woman (who, by the way, has been nothing but nice). I decided I might need to explore a support group or something, so I'm looking at that a little today. I need to broaden my perspective beyond the two people who are directly involved and figure out where I will fit in within my life and community as a whole (if that makes sense). Also, I was a little embarrassed to see this thread actually posted today. The website was acting weird last night and I thought it didn't post, and I decided not to post it, but looked this morning and oops, there it was.
I've noticed my emotions have been a bit loopy the past month since coming out to my partner, but have decided that's not necessarily a bad thing. Mine's not rage, but kind of a weepy sadness, but basically are probably both emotions we are trained throughout life that aren't acceptable to show. I think you are on to something when you say your emotions were repressed along with your sexuality, so they may come out quickly and unexpectedly. It's often brought up that this can feel like a second adolescence, but here's hoping we are far better equipped to deal with it than the first one!
I also think what you are experiencing is normal, like what Lemongrass expressed. My emotions have been all over the place too. I go from being happy, to sad, to confused, to insecure to you name it. Sometimes I also feel angry at my husband because I feel I'm supposed to live up to his expectations of my recent coming out to him. I think what's important is to focus on you and not what you think others are expecting out of you because that only adds fuel to the fire. I know I was angry at my husband yesterday because I feel this internal pressure to please him by finding a female partner. I think what you are experiencing is normal, especially if you've recently come out.
