I'm always fascinated to hear about what kids crave when growing up. Tonights radio (sorry no link) program was about a kid, I think black, who was raised by white adoptive parents. Basically the kid, growing up, did not know why he looked different - if I heard the program correctly, remember I'm driving. In a nut shell the kid did not ask his adoptive parents why he looked different because he a) craved security and b) love. I'm hearing, this little rule applies to all kids, straight, LGBT, etc for many reasons. They dont want to "rock the boat". They crave / need security and love. Comments, reflections?
I think that makes a tremendous amount of sense. Even coming out as an adult I was (am?) afraid that it could impact the security of a "home base" or a safety net if things go awry. I could certainly see myself, as a child, fearing that they won't love me the same. Living the cultural norm is probably the path of least resistance even if it feels off. I always feel for kids who don't see relatable images in their families and communities (or television for that matter). My nephew, adopted from Vietnam, came home one day from first grade all excited because "there was another kid like me at school!!" (IE- Another Asian child) BROKE MY HEART. Granted he always knew he was adopted because he keeps in touch with other kids that came from the same orphanage, but still...that reality has gotta be tough for anyone who feels different.
That is such a cool story - see quote. Thanks for sharing. I literally could give that kid a huge. I'm STRUGGLING to make peace with my mid teen years a time when I didn't know I was different, no thats not it at all, I just didn't know where I fit in - see other post by me. If anyone has any tips and tricks on how to "take away pain" please post. My situation is not unique. One can see lots of pain in many ECs forums posts.
Bibliovian I've reflected on your nephew a bit more - hope you do not mind. (let me know if you do) Knowing he was different, in his case Asian. Per Alan Downs book, The Velvet Rage, I believe I read that kids, in this case pre gay males, sense they are different as young as 5 - 6 years old. This confirms kids that young have an innate sense of who they are. Wow
I knew I was gay when I was 4. Though I married and began a family, several of the boys I was friends with as a child and teen eventually came out. Looking back, it's fascinating to think that we instinctively just "knew" we were alike, though OBVIOUSLY nothing was ever said...
As I am learning via reading and programs and ECs we as children are partually on our pre programmed innate path early in childhood. And even if we have no real recollection of said innateness in adulthood, the clues are there. I do remember certain things from my childhood. Later
That is so funny, Taxodium, my entire social circle (myself, another girl, and 4 boys) all came out of the closet years after graduating. My Mom would always say "don't you think you all just found each other?" Like we found each other before we found ourselves. Our social group was relatively small, so to see that all but two people have no identified as gay...we clearly didn't exactly know how we were different, but we knew we fit in together...
It's fascinating. It was only a couple of years ago that I suddenly that several of my friends never married and WHY... and then remembering that we just seemed to "click" when we were kids. Something about birds of a feather and tribal conditioning... it would definitely make for a very interesting longterm study.
