Does age matter?

I'm 29 and I'm dating someone who's almost 10 years older. I think as long as the maturity levels coincide and it's not like... you know... younger than consent allows... you're fine!

 

I think there's probably as many answers to this question as there are people.

Personally, I look for emotional maturity, and by emotional maturity, I mean capacity for empathy (being able to put oneself in another's shoes), self-confidence and self-respect, respect for others and their feelings, acknowledging and maintaining boundaries, considering the consequences of your actions and taking responsibility for them, not taking oneself too seriously.

I also mean not engaging in mind games (push-pull, making someone jealous, emotional vampirism), which to be honest women coming from an all-straight past seem a lot more into than lesbians. I've never known an all-out lesbian who played mind games in terms of whether she was interested in me or not. I think that stems from a confidence that comes with coming out of the closet.

As for me: I've met 20-somethings who have been far more emotionally mature and empathetic than some 40-somethings. I think emotional maturity is developed and grown through learning how to handle difficult emotional situations, learning to love oneself and thereby learning how to truly care for another.

That said: If she is emotionally mature and we're mutually attracted and she seems like a good person, no I wouldn't let a stupid age gap stand in my way. It's worse if they struggle with age complexes though.

 

I think you would be right about that in a lot of cases, but there are those who look for serious relationships fairly early on, too. I'd advise you to try not to judge categorically here, but rather consider each person individually.

I don't think there are any shortcuts, sorry. Talk to the woman!!

 

The half your age +7 rule works quite well, it's all about maturity. As you get older it is less important (within reason!!!).

 

I think it's very important in relationships with a considerable age gap for the younger member to frequently examine if there's a major power imbalance in the function of the relationship and if they are being used. What stage of life the two are in also Iinfluences the likelihood that something wrong can happen. College aged individuals should be careful not to date someone who is more than 5 or 6 years older than them, as there is a huge difference between an 18 year old and a 25 year old. Just be wary of age gap relationships, as age does matter.

 

I once had a very flirty thing going on with an older man. He was about 5 years older than me. I was an adult at the time though, this was only a few months ago. So anyways, a lot of people that saw this going on did not know I am a lesbian, and neither did he. I really did not mean to lead him on, I did not realize at the time that he was taking any of it seriously.

So anyways, one of my friends who was my age talked to me about it one time. She said that she was worried about him and I getting together because of the age difference. So I reassured her nothing was going to happen, but in my head I was thinking... "Who cares?" I just could not see the reason for it since we were both adults. I am a lesbian so obviously I was not ever planning on doing anything with him, but if I did like him like that, what is 5 years? Or even 10?

 

OK, how much younger is this person?

 

Hey yellow2002!!!!

I was wondering about you!!!
Did you tell her already?

About the age thing, if my memory serves me right (which is usually pretty sharp) your crush is only a couple of years younger than you. That´s not that bad! Stop stressing over minor things!!!

---------- Post added 30th Jan 2016 at 02:57 AM ----------

Hey yellow2002!!!!

I was wondering about you!!!
Did you tell her already?

About the age thing, if my memory serves me right (which is usually pretty sharp) your crush is only a couple of years younger than you. That´s not that bad! Stop stressing over minor things!!!

 

Plus 10 or minus 10 here. 23 to 43. I spent many years thinking younger was dumber and older was smarter. I've been equally surprised between the two. You can be younger or older and be Amazing or full of $&×^!

 

I'm printing this out.

All of these emotionally immature personality traits sound all too familiar. Everyone, say hello to my Trigger crush. Except, I took these traits in them to be that of a sociopath :icon_bigg. Totally not bitter.

I agree with everyone who's saying that age is just a number, and it really depends on the personality and connection with that person. I mean, if you guys were perfect for each other, then why would you care about the age thing? THOUGH, I can totally relate to how you're feeling. If I remember correctly, this is the first girl that you've been attracted to?? My Trigger crush was 4 years younger than me. As someone who usually dated guys, older (not by much) guys, and had a rule of no young guys, it was seriously new territory. It made me feel a little weird. Like it would look strange and I was going after a younger person -- even if they're a few months younger, golden rule is to refer to them as "12" :lol:.

In the end. if this person was normal and actually liked me back (not that they're abnormal for not liking me), age really would have taken a backseat to anything else. So do not feel weird! Answer being: nope. It doesn't matter.

Also, I just want to say that I know what you're going through, liking someone on the down low. It seems like you're questioning a lot, and questioning things that you would know if you somehow made your feelings apparent. Just a piece of advice, and totally take it or leave it, but don't live this relationship in your head. It's bad news more often than not to do that.

Also, don't worry about how far your relationship would go with this person if something did happen between the two of you. There's not much sense going into a relationship with the hope that it's going to last forever. Do this in steps, because it's an uncontrollable situation.

Step 1: Hang out with this person and get to know them better! Start flirting and see if they like you.

 

i am glad to be posting on a forum where the moderators dont encourage these huge unhealthy age gaps and acknowledge power balances instead of "old soul" vomit. that is all

---------- Post added 29th Jan 2016 at 09:36 PM ----------

fun test: i pulled out my hs yearbook and went through the people i remembered finding attractive. they now looked like babies and i would have felt like an enormous creep otherwise

---------- Post added 29th Jan 2016 at 09:39 PM ----------

i would be concerned about, as a late 20s lady, someone my age who had the emotional maturity to relate to 18-early 20 year olds and not people nearer their own age. it does not speak poorly about the younger folk, no dissing to them. it speaks volumes and red flags about the older individual. too many have been burned by older partners in their youth and i just want to warn people like i wish one would have warned me.

 

I don't have any hard and fast rule, but plus or minus ten would probably be my comfort zone.

Hasn't really been an issue, since I haven't really been seriously interested in anyone who wasn't within 5 years of my own age.