Hi! So ive been going out on dates with girls here and there that Ive met mostly on dating apps and so far its been a failure. 1. Because I cant seem to interest them past a 2nd date (which always happened to me with guys too) and 2. Because similarly to how I felt dating men, it just doesnt feel right. It feels forced and unnatural and like Im convincing myself of having a physicall/emotional attraction to people who dont really interest me at all. Part of whats been convincing me that Im a lesbian is that I remember how numb and bored I felt on dates... But Im feeling the same way with girls so I cant really say thats a valid point anymore I guess.. Im just not sure if Im just not cut out to date (but then how will I ever start a relationship with someone unless were friends first). Not getting past 2nd dates makes me feel like Im doing something really wrong. Im nice and genuine but perhaps Im a bit hyper and too girly and maybe girls arent into that? Im also reserved in terms of physical contact. When is the right time to make a move???? And should I be thinking about this at all if Im forcing myself to feel an attraction? I just dont want to find myself totally alone for the rest of my life and if I dont put myself out there by dating I possibly will. #rant
Sorry to hear you are having trouble finding someone with lots in common and interested in you. I don't have experience dating females, but really hope you give it time. I don't think it's just you - it takes some time to find the right person. Moreover, when we get older and more experienced dealing with people we are more set in our ways, have better defined opinions and outlooks, as well as interests.. This probably results in more turnover till you find the one. I wouldn't force it, just try to enjoy yourself single and see where it takes you.
Just out of interest, have you done anything in an LGBT/lesbian environment that's not primarily a way to meet dates? I'm not saying you should or you shouldn't. I was just wondering if you had and how it compared to your dating experience. Personally, I would rather meet people in a "neutral" environment and make friends and if a date comes out if it, great! But, for now, I can't even picture something more for myself. I am soooo slow. eg. It took me almost a year to choose my first car. But she was with me for 10 years. Don't worry about how you're coming across on dates unless you're faking something. You need to be you. You want to be liked for yourself. AND, you don't want to have to keep up some façade. If you feel yourself getting more hyper than normal, you can say something about being excited to be there with her or something like that. I think self-effacing honesty about your "quirks" would be endearing.
Most dates through dating apps are going to be dead ends. Maybe spend some time getting to know her before going out on a date?
I think the idea of attraction is important to consider or figure out. There's a chance you aren't into the idea of a romantic relationship, and that's okay. Feeling asexual is completely reasonable, if that's at all the case. I may be off the mark, but if that's the only reason or the most potent reason you considered yourself gay...worth some investigating. But if that's not it and that first date nervousness just sours your taste for dating... my sister always says whenever you go into a social activity with someone you don't know, think of 12 questions you'd ask if conversation goes south. Questions relevant to their lives and experiences (how was high school for you? Are you into quirky fandoms? blah blah blah) Also- I'd ask if you have ever been in a relationship that you WERE attracted and enthusiastic about, and how that started/progressed.
Personally i use the app for meeting new people and making friends...even that, I find that people are not really putting effort in general, so if it's all possible, I'd suggest for you to meet people other ways i.e. in events or group settings, or through mutual friends
Wow... that was like reading about myself. I am afraid I do not have much to offer you except my sympathies. A lot of what you said really reminded me of myself, especially "Im nice and genuine but perhaps Im a bit hyper and too girly and maybe girls arent into that? Im also reserved in terms of physical contact." I really get the same thing a lot of times. Like, as if girls want me to act more like a guy. How that makes any sense, I do not know. Anyways, I hope you manage to work it all out, sweety. <3
