Most people fear coming out because their family is homophobic. That's never been the case for me - my mother is very liberal and not homophobic in the least (neither was my father, but he passed away over a decade ago). In many ways, I feel a lot of guilt for not having come out to her a long time ago. What's holding me back is that she can be unstable and unpredictable. A lot of the time she's great and pretty much sane, but she has a drinking problem and some issues with depression, so she can also react to things very weirdly. Although I think she'll be probably be supportive, there's also a chance she'll do something nutty like contacting my ex or his parents to discuss it with them, or that she'll say something about it on social media. It's unlikely, but I also wouldn't put it past her (she's done some pretty nutty things in the past). On the other hand, I'm so sick of being semi-closeted. Most of my friends know, but I won't feel fully "out" until I've been honest with my mother. It's taking a toll on me having to lie by omission. I worry about her finding out by accident, which would be worse than her hearing it from me. Also, I feel like I'm just postponing the inevitable - she's going to have to find out at some point, so I might as well just tear off the bandaid than keep putting it off forever. There's no way I can really control her reaction - I can request that she doesn't mention it to anyone, but there's no guarantee that she'll honour that. Oh, and it might also be worth adding that she might suspect already. There have been lots of hints over the years. Who knows though, she can be kind of oblivious. Has anyone else been through something like this? Any words of wisdom or encouragement?
Hey cakepiecookie, Does she have a pattern? So you can tell when she's going into a good phase? I wonder if catching her as she's in a less "nutty" place, it might work better but I have no direct experience with this so... Do either of you have a therapist who could advise you? I think when you're ready to do this, you'll have to let go of caring what might happen because, in your case particularly, you can't control what others (she) will do with the information.
