I'm in a relationship with a woman. An amazing woman. However, I am in my 40s and had never so much as kissed a woman, and all of a sudden I'm in a full fledged relationship with one, and questioning everything about myself. I am divorced for many years, so there is no spouse or partner that's I'm cheating on, but it has my teenage daughter so full of hate and anger that she has physically attacked me, and we are now in counseling to help deal with it. The woman I'm involved with is gay and very much out to everyone who knows her. Just by being seen with her, I'm pretty much out to anyone who sees us, which I don't have a problem with. Even she seems pretty surprised that I've become involved with her to the extent I am since again, I had not so much as kissed a woman before. Anyway, just wondering if there is anyone else like me on here. I have not secretly had crushes on women throughout the years, and this has surprised me as much as it has anyone else. I just am so crazy about this woman, and to be completely honest, the sex is amazing and nothing really seemed odd in the transition there as well. I try to avoid labels, since I had an initial panic attack as to the question of what I was. I do realize now that I don't have to be anything, but I still would like to learn more, so any input is appreciated.
Hey welcome! You are not alone....it just takes one woman....Mine was almost nine years ago... So, not straight, beyond questioning tbh.. Queer, bi, lesbian, gay....try them on...see what feels comfortable. I started with bi...assumed I was as I have kids. Took me a long time to realise I'm lesbian. I also identify as gay and queer...
Afgirl, my feelings match yours! It was completely unexpected yet feels like the most amazing, natural thing in the world to love a woman! She is also gay and totally out. For now I am calling myself not completely straight and it seems to be the best fitting for now. I told my husband I was gay though to avoid the confusion of explaining that, though he told me no I must be bi since we have kids. My friend doesn't care but understands that I need one to feel in control of something, for my logical mind to have something that makes sense. I hope you can find something that fits if it will help you.
Yes, also in my 40's and also had never had crushes on men, but came upon the realization and subsequent panic that at least a significant portion of me is really attracted to them. My biggest source of confusion was the fact that I didn't have any of the normal signs growing up or even during most of my twenties, so have viewed this interest with a certain amount of suspicion. But it's been growing over the years, so figure there has to be some validity to it. I am with my opposite sex partner, so that has also caused me no shortage of guilt and added confusion. And congratulations on being with your love, and really hope that your daughter can come to a level of acceptance about it.
My feelings were pretty similar. I didn't really have a crush on females before my trigger crush, I just knew I was attracted sexually. Like in fantasy, but not in reality. I would always say things like "I can find women attractive but I wouldn't want to do anything about it." But once I did...it changed my thinking entirely. In the end, I'm just happy something happened to have me cross that bridge. I'm fairly certain I would not to go back.
I'm so glad to get some feedback. This is really my first serious relationship in about 11 years. Yes, I suppose that may be an indicator as well. I just couldn't seem to find anyone where everything just clicked. Maybe there was a reason for that. When my girlfriend listens to me, she just says you just happen to like a girl. I don't know if that's it or not, but she was successful in diverting my attention away from obsessing over my own label. As far as my daughter, we are in counseling...just got back from a session today actually. We have a lot of issues that have nothing to do with my relationship; however, I guess this would best be described as the straw that broke the camel's back. So, we're working through it. I'm hoping for the best, of course.
