My friend said something weird to me awhile ago that always sticks with me, and makes me question myself: "I think you'll end up with a guy because I don't know if a woman could handle you." She's referring to my, as some would put it, "sassyness." She didn't say it to be rude or anything. It was her answer when I was processing my feelings for my new found sexuality, and I asked her if she could ever picture me with a woman. I have a pretty strong personality. It's something I wish I could tone down a bit more (sometimes), but I accept it about myself. I feel like when people say this about me, it's because I don't have a problem speaking, and I don't form everything into a question, which I'd say I do purposely in someways because I feel that females are expected to speak in a "demur" manner a lot of the time, and that's just not me. I don't curse like a sailo-- okay, sometimes I totally do. I'm just...assertive, and don't mind taking control of a situation. I don't know. For some women out there, I feel like this is so stupid to even ask, but I wonder if it's true. If I'm too outspoken and (sometimes) bitchy for a female relationship. I know this is really, really stupid to even ask, but I just wonder sometimes. Example: I can be pretty argumentative. And I can be confrontational. I'm not afraid to say if I think something is wrong and call people out on it. I want to continue expressing how dumb I think this question is, it's just that, sometimes I would think the same things about myself - that it's easier to fight with a guy than a girl, only because I haven't. It's easier to give a guy an attitude. Easier to not care if I ignore him and he doesn't talk to me for awhile. Easier to not care about us breaking up. But with a girl, I've only ever fought with my friends or mother, and not in a relationship way where things can blow up. The only thing I have to rest myself assured that giving the normal attitude when you're pissed at your person is a possibility for me with females, is once when my Trigger crush pissed me off, and she totally knew it. So when I was ignoring or being short with her, it was, "bae" this, and "bae" that. And being extra talkative. Otherwise, I don't know. Maybe it's just because I've never had a blown out fight with a chick whom I also want to throw down on a bed...sometimes I wonder how chicks have angry sex. Please don't refer to that one scene in the L Word. Angry fingering seems really awkward. I totally know how to fight with a guy. And them tell me to chill out. But...women.... Also, it's not lost on me that maybe she feels like I need some "man" to handle me because I'm some crazy woman who needs to be "handled" because that's how she thinks about herself. She's not as assertive as me, by far. So, I understand that side to it, and totally disagree. This is weird and all over the place. Hopefully someone gets me and can give some feedback.
I think there are plenty of people of all genders who appreciate a smart woman who is not afraid to speak her mind. This is not to mention who lean toward the submissive side of life (whether or not they are into BDSM). I think that like anyone else you just need to find someone that is the right fit for you and is willing to love you for who you are. Bri
I've always thought about this because I'm a pretty strong minded individual as well. I don't take any horse manure from anyone because if you don't stick up for yourself/voice your opinion then who will? No one. But honestly, I had to learn that along the way, while I was slowly coming to terms with who I am. I've always been afraid of dating a woman who was agrumentive/confrontational because I'm completely the opposite, not saying that it's a bad thing. I guess most of the time, I just brush things off because I can look pass a lot of things. I guess you'll just have to find someone who's attracted to the type of person that you are. I'm not sure if dating someone just like you will workout though. You surely don't want to clash with the person you're dating because that can be a deal breaker for some women. If anything just make sure you be yourself no matter what. That smart mouth of yours will most definitely be a turn on for some women, including myself. A bossy woman is often confident, which is a major turn on for me. It's kinda funny because my manager at work is pretty bossy, but I adore that about her; however, too bad she's straight.
You already know the answer, I mean you are a woman, would you not be able to handle someone similar to you? I would say even the most timid, sensitive and unsssertive girls would find a way to connect with you if they loved you. They might not do so through clushing head to head with you and fighting, instead they would see through your eyes, learn what makes you feel comfortable and defuse tense situatations by backing away when needed. Other girls might clash with you or behave otherwise but in the end, there is not one way to be a woman and there are a huge amount of different types of expression and if you are attracted to women, I am sure there is more than one out there that will love you for who you are and who is searching for someone exactly like you. (*hug*)
Thanks, guys . I know it's a strange question. It just bothers me sometimes, and makes me wonder. Thank you! ---------- Post added 7th Feb 2016 at 10:33 PM ---------- This post made me smile. I'm not confrontational or argumentative for no reason. There's gotta be an issue, but I definitely speak my mind! I also have an opinion...on many things, haha. I don't know. I just get worried because anytime I've ever fought with a female, I either had to be around them because they're my family member, or didn't speak to them for a long time/possibly ever again, because they were my friend. You definitely can't not speak to your person just because of a fight. And I totally crave someone who is way more chilled out than I am! Smart mouth might be a good way to describe me (sometimes!!) lol
Ok. So I think there are so many different things going on in your question here. Mostly I wanted to give you a big hug as I read this. But also I rolled my eyes a tiny bit when no one was looking. To be clear, the eye rolling that nobody saw was not directed at YOU, and definitely was directed at the sexist bullshit that leaves women feeling/understanding that there are consequences for speaking your mind when you have the audacity to do so while female. I really might be way off here, but if part of the reason you have the feeling that a man might be better able to handle you speaking your mind is because men are more likely to speak their own mind then, I'd say nooooooo dudes are not actually better at handling that coming from a woman than women are. It's more of an individual thing. And I think women are actually a tiny bit more likely to at least believe/understand when there's some kind of bullshit pushback rooted in gender, because they have personally experienced it (but I would say that most women aren't especially insightful about it either). As a woman who has for sure been repeatedly bitten in the ass for respectfully speaking her mind, and behaving as though she should be heard, I pretty much can't get enough of seeing other women behave in the same way. Really. I eat that shit up. And support the fuck out of it whenever I can. But maybe that's not part of what you are getting at? Is any of that feeling like it's part of what you are struggling with? Another thing I thought maybe I saw was hints of was some references to you maybe thinking men might be more willing to put up with not-super-healthy ways of handling conflict? I might be off here too, but when you refer to ignoring someone when you are angry at them, that just sounds like a bad plan regardless of gender. If you stonewalled me when angry I'd want to talk about it (after everyone was cooled off and no longer stonewalling) and if you stuck to defending that kind of behavior I'd get pretty serious about breaking up. Not because you did it while being female (and certainly not because I need to chill out and accept that kind of behavior) but because it's a really unhealthy way of handling conflict regardless of gender. And if there is a tiny part of you that believes men are more capable of handling emotions in a healthy way than women are, then please consider that you may have accidentally sipped on some sexist bullshit koolaide. Both women and men are fully capable of handling emotions in healthy ways and it's probably best to expect that of yourself and of partners (regardless of gender) so everyone can remain sane and lovingly connected. Best to you, sassy lady!
@yeehaw -- you're definitely onto something. I agree, and I don't participate in that kind of unhealthy communication behavior. If anything, I'm an over-communicator. If someone's being quiet, I'm like, "what's the matter. Can we just talk about this and get past it??" I guess a lot of my fear comes from my relationships with women that I have in my life. They're good, but not always when it comes to conflict. Example: My fights with my mother end with her being overly offended and her walking away in a huff a million times before the conversation is over. And I'm labeled as being super critical, because I'll call out the immaturity in that, and get annoyed that she can't just say what the hell the issue is. She also says a lot of untruths to me. In the moment to make me feel better. Like, even with something so small as saying she didn't smoke when she wreaks of smoke. So I get nuts and I'm like, just tell the truth. I don't care! You're an adult. Like sometimes she just doesn't listen. And she's not confrontational at all. So in arguments, I almost automatically have control of the situation. We have a great relationship. But she's a little...unobservant? She's a great listener and loves me more than anything. So that's always lovely to have. But she makes me insane - a lot of the time. Then there's my best friend. When she's pissed off, even if it's not at me, she completely shuts down and gives a kind of silent treatment. Where's there's not talking, and she doesn't want to talk about what's wrong or what's making her upset at all -- which drives me fucking nuts. So... hmm. I don't know (or do). I guess these are the relationships I have to compare to what a relationship with a female would be like. My best friend and I are a lot better. We understand each other more as the years have gone by (and a road trip that left us stuck with each other for almost 3 weeks). We communicate a lot better. But there's something about fighting with women that freaks me out. I guess, while I'm writing this and performing my own psychotherapy (nice because it's cheap), I'm afraid that fighting just leads to women leaving. I feel like I gave so much leeway to my trigger crush because of these things. I knew she was being untruthful a lot of the time - but let it slide. When she ignored me sometimes, let that slide. Like I tip toed around her. Never wanting to make her have to deal with emotions since she seemed to have issues with them. That to me was rocking the boat somehow. And I was right. I told her my feelings. Addressed what we were doing, and everything exploded and then fizzled out and ended. Wow. What the frig do I do with all of that? :help: My relationships with men, even with fighting, have always been very communicative. Someone broke it with humor or whatever, and then, of course, sex. Sex wins. I mean... I can picture all of that fighting and sex with the right girl... maybe. I'm smirking over here.
