I don't know if this is beyond EC, but I'll give it a shot: what is the best way to identify unhelpful or even unhealthy coping mechanisms? For example, I get really nervous before social occasions (say, a Super Bowl party). And while I wouldn't say that I drink to excess before/during these things, I do use alcohol as a crutch. I also feel like I may be happy that there aren't any meetup groups near me; one less event to avoid! So how can I deal with my anxieties in a healthier or more productive way? After all, I still want friends...
Hey. I've had to deal with my own set of security blankets over the years and missed out on things because of my anxiety. Recently I've found that mindfulness exercises have helped me a lot. I'm sure there are resources online that could get you started if you wanted to try it. There's also something called the FEAR plan that helped me when I was younger that is good for before you go out if you are interested.
Hi crazydog15, To identify unhelpful or unhealthy coping mechanisms, I would look at your goals and then assess whether your behavior is preventing you from achieving your goals. Super Bowl party - Did you have an agenda that was not accomplished by using alcohol as a crutch? Or do you need a drink or two as a social lubricant? Meetups - Your sense of relief that there are no meetup groups near you is potentially problematic if you are using it as an excuse for inaction. You want to meet other gay guys for friendship and more, so if there are no meetups near you, what are you doing to meet other gays in your area? Have you considered a road trip to where the meetups are? PS - I'm assuming that you don't have overwhelming anxiety that is debilitating. If that's the case, then you should seek professional help.
I think you need to deal with the underlying issues impacting your insecurities. Once you confront those and find closure, I think you will find you no longer need the security blanket as you describe it. For me, I relied on a heightened degree of sexual activities to pacify feelings of shame and diminished self esteem through my coming out process. Once I tackled the underlying shame and self esteem issues by understating their root cause and corresponding offsets, I was able to eliminate much of the "security blanket" that I previously relied upon. It took a lot of work and soul searching, but well worth the challenge in order to find closure.
