straight up until now!? or what the fudge going on

Welcome to EC!

One of the weird things I've discovered in middle age is that I'm not done learning about myself. I'm finding out that I like things that I didn't care about before. My interests are changing. I'm still coming up with new ways to fill my time and entertain myself. Part of that might be just self-discovery. I never really thought of X, and now that I do, hey, X is pretty cool. And part of that might be simple change. We are dynamic creatures all, and we change as the years go by. (Thankfully. Or we'd still be eating strained beets for dinner.) And frankly, the exact cause doesn't truly matter.

The real question is -"well, now what?" If you were single, and this woman didn't work with you, the answer would be obvious - ask her out. But you're not, and she does. So the smart move is to not pursue this at all.

Does she know of your feelings for her?

Lex

 

I saw a lot of me in this one. My now gf is a lesbian and we had known each other for a couple years being coworkers but only had the chance to really get to talk at a friend's gathering. I ended up having this major crush on her, and at the same time, something was happening with her regarding her feelings for me. We've been together almost six months and I don't miss being with a man at all. She's it for me. What does that make me? I guess bisexual, but I'm not completely comfortable with that just yet. I've quit obsessing about the label at this point. I just like a girl.

 

Very similar situation to me! I've never thought I may be attracted to women in that way, I'd admire women but have thought that was because I'd like to have the same qualities. I've been with my childhood sweetheart 18 yrs and now all of a sudden I'm totally in love with a gay colleague at work! When she kissed me it felt right and normal which I wasn't prepared for. I have thought I'm strange, weird a freak and have been suffering guilt for 6 months. The more I search and question the more I realise I'm not the only one and maybe all these years I have surpressed the real me because of prejudiced people around me. I'm starting to remember subtle things that have happened over the years which could of been clues to my sexuality that I had brushed off and ignored.

 

Hi, I'm coming up to middle age too. I'm looking back, realising all those years are gone for good and feel I don't want to waste any more of my precious time, life and be looking back in my 70's/80's regretting I wasn't honest with my self let alone anyone else.

My family especially my parents are very prejudiced people too.

 

I've seen other people here on EC say that they have a "One exception" to their sexuality, AKA one person that they would want to be with regardless of their normal preference.

Also, sexuality isn't definite. The Kinsey scale is a much more accurate representation- for example you might be a 1 or 2. I'm a 5.
Even so, sexuality is fluid. So if you haven't felt like this before, don't worry about it. Honestly, that might have just been subconscious repression or dismissal of your feeling because of the way you grew up.

 

Hmmm....so not straight after all...
Sounds like she is your trigger crush. That person who makes you question your sexuality, and reevaluate your whole life.

Nows the time to take a long hard look at yourself and see what label fits...gay, bi, lesbian, queer....

Then the questions are, what do you want to do about it, and about her?

And welcome. You've come to the right place.

 

A trigger crush? That's a new one for me. Yes, I've also thought about little things I've said and done over the years. I think you can drive yourself mad trying to find a label...so I kind of gave up on that but still trying to gain a little knowledge.

 

It took me almost nine years to find my label, well, labels. I call myself gay more than lesbian, and sometimes I simply go with queer. But, I know, and am comfortable knowing, that I am only interested in women.

 

Hi koza,

I couldn't tell from your post, are you married now? If you aren't, I wouldn't worry about her thinking you're straight just from your history. Lots of gay women lived as straight before they realized or could do something about it.

Even if your jobs are public, it's not like you two are going to be having sex at work so...

Just take things one step at a time. It helps to break things down into manageable pieces. You'll get there.

 

The next she hugs you, and you are alone....make it very clear that you are hugging her back....

 

Gadzooks! You don't need any help from us! You've already had her hand up your shirt! Kudos.

I'd say if you're comfortable with everything so far, just go with the flow. You might want to be prepared to come out to her either actively or by admitting you like women if she asks.

 

Well, from what I've gathered, girls are like potato chips. Once you've had one, it's hard to stop.

It doesn't sound like you'll be rejected but you may want to be clear that you like her like her so she doesn't worry if you're just a straight playing her for attention.

 

I'll think about it and get back to you. It's kind of late and I fear I might type nonsense, if I haven't already.